Being Me

Scarlett Forum... The rich girl..... The one who denies being a snob.

What a life i live. Everyone expects me to be dumb and blonde and pretty. No. Just because my family is rich and wealthy doesn't mean im spoiled rotten. im a dark red haired, green eyed geek! im always chased by my peers because they want money..... i wish that i could live the life i want! i wish i was popular for who i am inside.. Doesn't that matter?


1. Stupid life

I hate myself, people in general, even my family. I have no friends , people think I'm strange because I'm so quiet. I'm sick of people asking me why I'm so quiet. People tend to treat me like an object instead of a person. Always telling me what to do, I'm sick of it. I'm not a baby! I'm pretty sure I have a mental disorder, most likely  avoidance  personality disorder and selective autism . People talk about me , when I'm right there! They have no respect for me. They don't realize I have feelings. I'm sick of being left out in partner projects. I'm sick of being rejected. I hate going to school, seeing everybody happy there kills me. I never smile, or say anything. I'm so miserable in school! I'm 16 years old, and I just wish I could drop out! I'm failing two of my classes, and I'm pretty sure I won't graduate high school or go on to college. Life is hell for me, I suffer in silence. I was diagnosed with depression by a doctor. My parents ignore the fact that I have depression. They yell at me when I'm feeling depressed. I just want to die, at least I'll be loved when I'm in heaven. I'm starting to feel bitter about everything. I lie in bed all the time, distracting myself by listening to music. It gives me an escape from the pains of everyday life. People say that I'm pretty but I don't believe them. I know that I'm ugly and worthless. My mom always calls me names like pig, stupid, a mute. She threatens to give me medicine for my "mental disorder". She tells me I'm crazy like my aunt. Nobody loves me or cares about me. I feel all alone in this world. I'm not getting treatment  for my depression. My depression is getting worse. I've experienced several mental breakdowns. I was so upset about school that I sobbed and told my mom that I was going to throw myself out of the car. My mom yelled at me and belittled me when I got back home afterschool. My dad joined in. One time I got so upset about school, I threw a pillow at my mom's mirror and almost broke it. My mom threatened to knock me out afterwards. I look at myself and see a sad girl. I see the sadness in my eyes everyday. I don't eat very much, just one meal a day. I'm underweight, the last time I weighed myself, I was 98 pounds. I keep to myself all the time, I don't want to be rejected by people. I lock myself in my room and just try to escape from this horrible world. I'm unmotivated at school, I don't do my work in class or my homework. I feel like a bad lazy person. I've had so many absences, in school. The school threatened to put my mom in court! I need help!   Well, I do have a "friend"..... Christine.  

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