My aunt apologized for locking me out and gave me the spare key. Our dinner time was silent because honestly what do you say to a girl who was raped several times and was given away by her father who betrayed her again. I would not blame her. On top of it all It is honestly hard to allow people to touch me. Luke was okay , I mean if he started crossing borders than I would freak out , but other than him I do not really like people touching me. Ashton's hug was hard to bare with , but I was glad it was over quick. Michael never even touched me so I got no problem. I just do not want to make them feel bad, but after Kyle my brain is all wonky.
I took a sleeping pill to go to sleep tonight and it worked. I was all refreshed when I woke up. I went downstairs and made me some breakfast. Today seemed okay , it seemed alright. There was nothing in particular I liked or anything I hated yet. I got up and dressed in an old T'shirt and some shorts. I let my hair loose looking at the dark black that coats my hair. It will all be washed out in another three months or so. Not to sure. I am not into hair stuff like that. I cringed however at the looked because it is a simple reminder.
Eventually I heard my doorbell ring and I went to open it. I saw Calum, Luke, Ashton, and Michael . I smiled at them and then said ," Hey!" They all smiled and said," HI ." Before I could even offer them in, Luke grabbed my hand and said," We are going out for some fun!" They dragged me,well Luke did, to the car. I got in squeezed between Luke and Ashton. We were touching arms because this was Calum's car and it was not so big. I closed my eyes trying to calm my self down from the touching of our arms and legs. I was find with Luke's, but only because I know Luke wouldn't hurt me like that...Well I think I do? I was trying to breath in and out when I felt someone put their hand on my leg.I open my eyes to see Luke and he said," Are you alright?" I shook my head and said," I just need some air , when are we going to get there?" He looked out the window for a second and said," Give it 20 minutes tops!" My heart was racing and I know , why am I getting overwhelmed by a touch of a friend. The thing is though when someone else touched you in the wrong way, your brain never seems to let that slip from your mind when another person touches you.
The car came to a stop and when I got the chance I hopped out. I took deep breaths and when I was calmed down enough the boys were looking at me weirdly. I gave them a weird smile and said " Sorry , I just miss the fresh air." The boys shrugged it off and I saw we were at Calum's. I looked over at them and said ," We are here because?" Michael laughed and said," There will be a party here tonight and tons of people are coming, beer,and it will just be the bomb." I smiled and said," Let's party when really my mind was saying," Let's just go." I really wanted to get out of this party so I remembered what I was wearing. " Hey, guys how can I party looking like this though?" Ashton pulled a bag from his truck and said," YOU left some of you nicer clothes at my house once from a sleepover and of you need to brush your hair or do your makeup Michael has got some makeup from when Alexis left some at his place." I smiled and took the stuff and said ," Thanks."
We got inside and I went to the bathroom and got ready. I put my hair into a high pony tail and let a few strands fall upon my face. I put on the outfit I found most comfortable which was some Black shorts, a red glitter tank top and some black boots. I did my makeup lightly and looked at myself in the mirror. I was starring at a girl who looked nothing like me. She was just the polar opposite at the moment. I heard people start to arrive to I exit the bathroom and headed down stairs. A crowd of people was already there and to me it just felt like an empty room. I found Luke and went by his side. He smiled at me and then grabbed my hand and held it. I smiled back. More people arrived to the point where people were spilling out of the house. This according to Calum was a sign of an awesome party. Soon enough Ashton came up to Luke and us and said," Dude were running out of beer and food. I need you to drive me up to the store to buy some more!" Luke rolled his eyes and said," No one else who have done this?" He shook his head and said," You're the only one who hasn't drink anything at all!" Luke nodded his head and said," I'll be back before you know it babe." I smiled and said," Okay, see you soon than." He leaned down and kiss the top of my forehead since he knows to take it slow at the moment.
They left and I was all alone. I manage to drift to a corner of the room. With Luke no longer by me it felt as if as people were starring at me saying all the things they think. Eventually I couldn't take the atmosphere of the room anymore so I went out side with a bottle of beer and started to walk along the roads edge. I was walking and I guess something clicked in me. I broke down right there. There was a small ditch that I just crawled up in and bawled and bawled like I was dying, but worse.I was a distance away from the house where you could still see it, but you heard no more music or the people talking. I was no longer me. I used to be able to have fun and be able to do these things, but not anymore not because of Kyle. Luke doesn't deserves me at all. He deserves a girl who hasn't been through what I have, a girl who knows who she is, a girl who won't hold him back. At that I started my walk home.....