Today is the day I can go visit her in the hospitable. Her aunt said that she seemed alright expect at the moment she wasn't talking. I was nervous about that thinking that maybe something is wrong , but I think the minute I got inside her room I knew what was wrong. She was laying on her bed hooked up to several machines and her hair is messily laying around her head, Her face looked flushed and she seems a bit brittle. The second she saw me she had a look of confusing. " Hey, Violet," I say as I enter the room towards her. She said nothing , just took a sharp breath of air. I sat down next to her bed and grabbed the hand closest to me and just held it. I felt how cold she was , but I ignored that and said," Aren't you going to say hi back?" she shook her head no and for a millisecond my heart stopped.
I took a deep breathe and remembered what Calum said and I said aloud," Listen , I am here for you, so we can do what ever you want, whether that be sit in silence, maybe talk, or me just listening. What ever you want I'll do ." At that moment I felt her give a squeeze to my hand that I was holding. She adjusted her self so she was laying more towards me and then said softly with hassle said," I'm so sorry for putting you through this. You did nothing to deserve this , but here I am putting you through all this. Luke you deserve so much better than me. You deserve a girl that does not hate her self and one who does not bring trouble. You deserve a girl who is not going to bring you pain." Tears were in her eyes and I wiped them away and said," Thing is though, is that I love you with all my heart and to just give you up will cause me more pain than this. I can see it in your eyes too, giving me up is painful but your willing to make me happy. " She looked down and said," I love you so much, but..." I cut her off and said," No buts, no matter what I am not stepping out of your life until it is the last resort. I want to be in your life and I will do anything for that. I love you and love is not all happy sometimes love is painful. Love does not mean an happily ever after all the time, but what it means is that through the happy times and the painful times you are willing to get through things together and fight for your love. " A smile formed on her lips and she said," I couldn't ask for a better interruption." I smiled and said," are you willing to fight ?"
She looked up at me and said," If it means I could be with you than I am." I smiled and we just sat in silence and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.She fell asleep not too long in the silence and I understand, but I held on to her hand tight and just sat there. Eventually I feel asleep myself.
When I first woke up to still being alive I was crying. I wanted to die so bad that night. I looked at my bandaged up wrist and thought ' If only I went deeper '. I was not talking to my aunt at all and in fact I was not going to talk to anyone , not even Luke. The reason is, once you commit to something like this people look at you differently. My aunt keep saying' You scared me. I was all worried, I a happy your still around here I don't know what I would have done with out you.' making it all about her. not once did she ask ' WHY.. or are you okay'. Luke came in the next day and came and held my hand. He told me we can do whatever I wanted. I guess that is why I was able to promise Luke about my cutting and just be so comfortable around me, because he was willing to do what I want. I feel asleep into his vist and so did he afterwords. Eventually I woke up in time to see a doctor bring a wheelchair into my room. I looked at him and he said," WE thought you might want to travel around maybe even get fresh air, but we just don't want you on your feet just yet. All the blood you lost is not quit yet back." I nodded my head and he left. An idea popped into my head and I softly started to say Luke's name. Eventually He woke up and smiled at me. I then said ," DO you want to do something awesome." He sat up and I said," Let's go ride around on my wheelchair." I said pointing to the door.