Her mind is racing, I can tell by the way her teeth are gnawing on her lips and the way her eyes look into nothing. I wanted to say something, to try and ease her thoughts but I knew there was no way.
I just hope she doesn't go back to the way she did whenever Jax and I had that fight. "Baby." I whispered and moved from the couch I was on over to her. She didn't budge, didn't even look at me.
"I-i thought he was gone." She finally said. "Niall, what's going to happen to me, to us?" Her blue eyes looked into mine and I felt so bad. "I don't wanna loose you, you're my everything. I can't deal with that pain again!" She says in frustration, her hands going in front of her and her teeth sinking together.
Her face is red with anger and her voice is chocking for words. "Niall, I can't pretend to love him again! I can't be around him and let him think I'm totally into him and go home and love you for real! I don't know what to do!"
I kissed her lips, "baby. Hush." I said against them. "Nothing has even happened, you're over thinking." I whisper to her. It breaks my heart to know she thinks like that even though she's speaking out of experience. I pull her close to me, her face nuzzles into my chest and she holds me tightly. "You're not going to loose me, I promise." I whisper into her hair.
"That's what you said last time." She cried. I just shushed her and played with her hair. Eventually she pulled herself on top of me and straddled me, laying her head on my shoulder and her soft lips kissed my neck. There was nothing sexual about this, it was me comforting her and her showing affection and appreciation for me making her feel safe.
I rocked her slowly from side to side and soon she dozed off to sleep. I stayed with her in my lap on my couch for awhile until I realized something was missing. My dog.
I pulled my phone it with her still snoring in my right ear, "Gemma? Where are you?" I asked when she answered.
"Home, eating peanut butter with your dog."
"How did you get out?" I asked completely confused, how much she was able to get out but Eve couldn't?
"Eve purposely distracted that piece of shit while I fled with Ella." I could hear her smacking the peanut butter off a spoon as she spoke.
"So you're okay?" I asked, "same with Ella?"
"Yus." She said and I swear I can hear her rolling her eyes as she smacks that peanut butter.
"Alright." After that we hung up an I looked at Eve, she was still asleep and her mouth was parted with raspy breaths coming her. Her chest was still congested and she still had a fever, I feel so bad. I stood up with her in my arms and walked into my bedroom, I laid us down in the bed and still held her close to me.
I propped my pillows up against the headboard and held her as she laid on me like she was on the couch just this time she was lower so it wouldn't hurt her neck as much. I sighed and rubbed my eyes as I thought about her words from earlier. She's right, in a way.
Jax will get what he wants weather any of us like it or not, but he can't have her this time. A lot has changed and I'm not the big pussy I was years ago so don't think I'm going to let her go without a damn fight, because this girl is worth all the fight in the world. I'll probably get shot this time and I doubt there would any way of me "coming back to life" but I wouldn't mind if it meant leaving a trace of myself behind.
I wouldn't mind taking a bullet for her.
She startled me whenever she started talking, I looked down and seen that she was still asleep. Her face scrunched up and her hands grabbing at the sides of my shirt and honestly, I couldn't help but feel a little turned on whenever she was half grinding her body into mine and letting out rough moans. She was clearly having a nightmare. "Eve." I whispered and shook her. "Eve." I said again and she shot up.
Her eyes wide as she looked around the room, her finger curling into the front of my shirt and her chest heaving. When her eyes finally met mine I touched her cheek. "Just a bad dream, go back to sleep." I cooed her and she listened, laying back down on top of me.
"Niall?" She said in a rough voice.
"Hmm?" I said against the top of her head. I loved the feeling of the tips of her fingers playing my the back of shirt.
"Will you always love me?" She asked so innocently. The question seemed odd to me, I didn't understand why she was asking this. "Like, has there ever been a time where you thought you didn't or didn't want to?" Her voice is so strained, she shouldn't even be talking right now.
But I thought for a moment and smiled to myself. "I never once imagined loving you this much." I told her and I felt her lips curl into a smile against my neck and that was I all I needed before I fell asleep.
I understand that my writing is lacking right now but I really need you to understand how much pain I'm in right now & I know that sounds so frigging girly but it's the truth. I'm having so much trouble right now trying to pull myself together & I don't overly recognize myself right now. & I'm sorry, but I also don't want to make big long full chapters because I have this book planned out & there's a lot of drama. Because everyone loves drama 😏 xxbella.