Save me from myself

Most people`s fear is death. But I guess I`m not one of these people, it`s not death I fear, it`s actually what I wish. What I fear is losing control, it`s getting crazy, and not being able to save me from myself.


3. I`m only human

4 months later:

Benjamin and I have dated 4 months now. We are a couple, our feelings are strong and no, I have not kissed him yet. I want our first kiss to be a special. Maybe the day he asks me to marry him, no just kidding we kissed on our 5th date, we have not have done it, if you get what I mean, but I know if he keeps being the gentleman he is, it will be soon. Benjamin did not text me once yesterday, he usually texted me good morninf or good night. But no not once, the day before yesterday he texted me good morning and then I saw some party pictures on his Facebook profile. He probably had fun with his friends and was tired yesterday. It was Sunday today and I have school tomorrow. I followed my weekend routine and then Benjamin called me.

“Hey there, how are you Batman” yes I called him Batman, I love Batman and I love Benjamin so why not.

“Gada can you please come over, and do not ask why” he said. His voice was tired and got me worried.

“Yes I will be there as soon as possible” I said and then changed and made my way out of the house to Benjamin house.

I pressed on the doorbell, and one of Benjamin’s friends opened the door.

“Is there something wrong with Benjamin?” I asked worried entering Benjamin’s house seeing all of his friends I met on the shopping street.

“He is in his room, he wants to talk to you” his friend said.

I walked into his room. Benjamin was laying on his bed with tears in his eyes. He got up and sat on his bed looking down on the ground. I looked at him but he did not really say anything or even look at me. People did that when they made something wrong, when there was something they were ashamed of, but what could he have done. I walked over to his bed and sat next to him.

“Gada, you know I love you, right?” Benjamin said.

At that moment I was worried, my heart started beating fast and I responded, “Yes I know”.

He moved his head and looked at me.

“You will never give up on me, would you?” He asked.

“Batman you know I love you, right?” I asked him and then smiled.

“I know, but do you love me so much you would not give up on me no matter what happens?” Benjamin asked  and got tears.

“Benjamin what happened?”  I asked, removing the smile on my face.

“The day before yesterday” he said.

“Yes you were at a party with your friends, did you have fun?” I said and smiled at him.

Benjamin began crying.

“Benjamin what happened?” I said and got worried. I touched his cheek and moved his face toward me.

“Tell me” I said.

“I swear I was drunk” He said. I began thinking and usually when boys said that they did a big mistake.

“Please tell me you did not sleep with any one…” I said feeling the tears running down my face. Benjamin cried so hard now, I could see how much he regretted it, but for a reason I was losing control over myself and got mad at him and then myself.

“How could you!!!!!” I screamed.

“Seriously and your excuse is you were drunk!” I shouted.

“I loved you from the deepest part of my heart, I am so freaking stupid! How could I ever think a guy would ever love me?! Look at me I am ugly, fat and stupid. How could you even like me?!” I shouted crying hard. I was losing control.

“STOOOOOOP! Please” Benjamin begged shouting and crying.

His friends came rushing in. Some of them ran and comforted Benjamin, and some of them grabbed my arms and was walking toward the door, kicking me out of the room. I was shocked at that moment, Benjamin did not stop them, but he looked at them kicking me out.


He did not say anything, but just kept looking.

"SO YOU ARE JUST GOING TO WATCH THEM PUCHING ME, AND KICKING ME OUT?!" I shouted. He did not move at all, or just even say something.

"ANIMALS WOULD HAVE HELPED THE ONES THEY LOVED IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS! ” I shouted and then ran out of the room and into the kitchen.

“GAAAADDDDAAA” Benjamin shouted.

“Let me gooooooo” I heard him shouting while I was searching for a knife.

I finally found one and cut on my arms and then my face. I heard steps toward the kitchen. It was Benjamin, he ran into the kitchen, took the knife out of my hand and carried me. He kept repeating "I am so sorry, I love you baby". I looked around. I saw his friends looking at me, some of them even had tears running down their faces. I looked away and then looked on the ground.There was blood all over the kitchen and I realized I lost control over myself, I got crazy! I jumped out of his arms, ran out of the doors and fell down the stairs.


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