Save me from myself

Most people`s fear is death. But I guess I`m not one of these people, it`s not death I fear, it`s actually what I wish. What I fear is losing control, it`s getting crazy, and not being able to save me from myself.

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5. Chapter #5

"Hey mom" I said opening my eyes completely and realizing who was sitting on the chair waiting for me to wake up.

"Hey baby" She said and leaned in kissing me on the cheek. 

"Did you sleep well?" She asked.

"I did get a break from this word, so yeah" I replied.

"Good for you" She said smiling wryly. 

 “Mom how long am I going to be here?” I asked being hopeful that I was going to be far away from here soon.

“Until you learn to love yourself!” She said. Her voice was louder and she seemed to be a little mad.

“Oh so never” I said annoyed and turned my head to the other side so I would not face her. I did not want to spend another minute in that room any more.

“MOM! GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!” I shouted.

“I am going out for a walk” She said.

“And I am going with you!” I said.

“Fine” She said. I admit I was a little surprised, so I jumped out the bed and realized that my left arm and right leg was broken. My left leg did hurt so badly though. 

“Mom, I can still walk, right? There is nothing wrong with my left leg, right?” I said panicking.

“I will get a chair for you, wait” She said and walked out of the room. No! No! No! I am not using a handicap people chair, I am not handicap, I am normal. I am normal. I know my back is not normal, yes scoliosis, and I know I do not breathe normally. My hands does not have their normal skin color, but these problems I have never had these big symptoms. Yes, I did not walk normally, my legs ended many time attacking each other, because they always they always faced each other, I know it sound weird and to be honest it is weird, but again no big symptoms. My ass always looks so big, but it is not and I shrug my shoulders, not purposely but that was just how they were, I never made that big deal out of it that was just the way I normally walked, and it was even worse when I ran, but let us just skip that and move on. My breathing had a bigger effect on me, whenever I worked out I always ended up not being able to breath as I normally did, and no my breathing was not normal if you asked my lungs, but it was normal for me. If you perhaps wondered, yes that is the reason I hate running, I never really got tired when I stopped working out, but I could not breathe. And my hands and feet, mostly my hands, is blue, purple, red, yellow and sometimes kind of blue. I know there is a lot to say about my problems, of course there was, problems have effects. I have problems, yes! But I am not handicap! No every person have problems!

“So you still want to go for a walk” My mom said with the chair in her hands.

“”A walk”” I said ironically.

“Let me help you” She said.

“No, I don`t want to sit on that thing” I said getting really annoyed.

“YOU RAN OUT OF HIS HOUSE AFTER CUTTING ON YOUR FACE AND ARMS AND FELL DOWN THE STAIRS! YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO DO SUCH A STUPID THING! AND NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!” She shouted. She came closer to me, grabbed my arms hard, put me on the shitty chair, and walked me out.

I admit it was a little harsh and some tears wanted to fall down my check, but I was not surprised. When I was little I played with my friends a game called “Blind bear” I think. It was my turn to be the bear. I closed my eyes and tried to find them. I ended up hitting a little “wall” from the little scene and cut my eyebrow, so now I am living with a hair hole at the top of one of my eyebrows, believe it or not It bleeds when I it  hits something. The point is when I went back home with a big white plaster on my eyebrow my mom said, “You stupid kid did you hurt yourself”. I remember she was annoyed, to be honest I was a kid and I thought my mom would take extra care of me and become sweeter, but nope all I got was that shitty comment as I sat on her lap getting a hug.

 “let`s go back, I need to go home your siblings is left with your dad” she said. We both began laughing. My dad was a good dad he knew his responsibilities, but he always pranked and joked around and that was not always what we was in the mood for especially  because he could not take us joking around and give come backs,  nope he shouted and said “you can`t joke around like that I am you dad!”. My mom was not that responsible when it was the kids, she was every day at night with her friends and my dad and I had to make sure that the little kids slept. She always said that that was her break, in the morning until the night she is at home cleaning, cooking and of course talking on the phone with her friends that she was meeting at night. She is not a bad mother, not the best I mean she was loving and caring. I loved her even if she always criticized me and my clothes and threw the clothes she did not like out in the trash, yes my clothes she did not like. However, I still love her. 

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