20 Letters.

I thought my best friend had committed suicide, 20 letters have now shown me otherwise.


1. Prologue: Before

15 hours before:

I opened the door. It was Julianne. Why was she here? She never once told me that she was coming.

"Hey Alex." She smiled. It wasn't her smile though, there was something missing from it; maybe it was her usual confidence and fearlessness. For the first time since I'd know her; my best friend had actually looked scared.

"It's Alexander." I muttered back. She always did that, called me by all of these annoying nicknames. I'm named after Alexander the Great, I like his story; I like my name. I noticed Julianne's eyes dull at my words. What was wrong with her? Why didn't I ask? "Why are you here?"

"Why not?" She shrugged.

I shrugged too and opened the door a bit wider to let her in. She walked in slowly, wiping her wet boots off onto the mat as she did. I watched her take her hat, jacket, and gloves off. I noticed a new scar on her cheek as she took off her scarf.

"Hey, where did you get that from?" I touched it softly. She jerked back from me, her face was a bright shade of red.

"I-It's nothing Alexander." She wasn't making eye contact with me; I was scared now.

"Do you want something to drink?" I was supposed to ask her what was wrong, but those words had come out instead.

"No, I'm good." She walked ahead of me into the living room. I followed closely behind her, noticing that she had a small limp in her step. Did someone hurt her? Who would have hurt her though?


It was probably Kella.

"Has Kella been bothering you again?" I spoke up as we reached the living room.

Julianne collapsed onto the couch and closed her eyes. "Where are your parents?"

She had ignored my question. "They went out," I responded, sitting down slowly beside her.



"Can we watch a movie?"


She opened her eyes. "Why not?"

"You know why." I turned towards her. "What the hell is going on with you?"

She had been acting like that for a while, mysterious, distant, not her usual self, but that night; it was worse. Usually she would just brush off whatever she was dealing with like it was nothing, but that night, I could just feel that something was destroying her. The scar and the limp didn't lower my suspicions.

"It's not the time to talk about it." She looked down at her hand then. Her fingers were red and smudged with led.


"Let it go Al," She sighed in obvious annoyance.

"For the last fucking time its Alexander, and don't tell me to just let it go, Julianne! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think that I'm an idiot?" I snapped back angrily at her. She was starting to piss me off, it was like she didn't know that I cared about her well-being.

"Just shut up alright?" She hissed, clamping her hands down over her ears.


"Just please, stop!" Her voice cracked.

I clenched my teeth and looked away from her.

More silence.

"If you're not going to talk to me about what is going on; why are you even here?" I asked after the silence had become unbearable.

"Wow," Julianne muttered in disbelief.

"Wow, what?" I responded back in complete confusion.

"I can't believe you right now," I could literally feel her falling further away from me. "W-Why can't I just come over to chill out anymore huh? Is that like forbidden between us now? Why are you acting like I'm a fucking enemy right now?"

I stared in shock at her.

"Why can't I just be here with you? J-Just for a little while longer," She whispered.

I caught her before she disappeared. I held her carefully in my arms, holding her close to my body. I had her then, I fucking had her.

"Hey, it's alright," I hushed softly into her skin. Her hands were knotted into my sweater and in my hair, she was holding onto me so tightly. "Alexander, I-I love you so much." She breathed into my chest then.

My heart stopped moving. "What?"

"I love you, I love you, I love you," She repeated.


"Y-You can't say now that you never knew that."

"What? Julianne, you're scaring me."

She pulled away slowly. "I-I'm sorry."

I searched her face to try and find a clue as to whatever was going on, but it was blank; blank and broken.

"Um, I'm going to head out." She begun to stand up, I grabbed her arm.

"You're just going to leave now?" I fumbled. What the hell was going on?

"It doesn't matter when I leave, I'm not coming back." Those words snapped me in half. I shot up from the couch and took hold of her shoulders, clasping my hands tightly around them.

"Julianne, what the hell is going on?" I screamed at her.

She closed her eyes again. "Don't worry Alexander,"

My hands dropped from her shoulders. Why did I do that? I should have kept her there, I shouldn't have let her walk out of my sight. Except I did, I watched her leave, she opened the fucking door and left and I watched her.

"I'll see you."

Those were her last words to me.

The day:

The doorbell sounded. I heard my mom rush to catch whoever was there.

I should have done more.

"Oh, hey!" I heard her faint voice sound. "Is everything alright?"

"Hi, do you mind if I speak to Alexander for a moment?" The voice twisted into my skin and protruded through my heart, I sunk further into my bed. I could feel everything inside of me starting to wither away.

"Of course; Alexander!" My mom called up the stairs.

My body somehow floated out of bed. I forced it down the stairs and into the presence of Julianne's mother. My mom gave me a nervous look; she knew something was wrong too.

You should have did more.

"Hi." My voice felt scratchy and raw.

"Do you want to sit down Alexander? I have something important to tell you." She replied softly.

I stayed standing.

"Alright, um, well, I-I'm sorry to tell you this, but they, um, they found Julianne's body, it, it was in the woods near our home. They found it last night."

A lump quickly rose into the back of my throat. "What?" The word squeezes itself out of my mouth.

You should have stopped her.

"I'm sorry Alexander, but Julianne is dead." She put a hand over her mouth, tears were starting to well up in her eyes.

I clenched my teeth tightly together. A buzzing sound was ringing loudly in the back of my head. "You're wrong."

"Alexander," My mom begun to speak.

"You're wrong!" I interrupted.

You let her die.


I had her, she was right there, in my arms, telling me that she loved me.

She was right there.

Where is she?


Why did she leave me here?


W-Why did you leave me here Jules?

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