Eve is 21 weeks pregnant, Harry is 17 weeks pregnant, Koda and Kam(den) are 1 week old
It was a challenge trying to set up for Ryder's first birthday party with her, the one week old twins, and a very lazy fiance. Louis and Harry offered to help and so did my brother's. I was still very very sore from giving birth. I peed all the time, more than I usually do. My feet are still swollen, my back still hurts and my boobs are huge.
"What do you need help with?" Beau asked.
"Can you set out the food for me please?" I asked and he nodded his head. I decided on a lady bug theme for her birthday. It was simple, and it was girly and cute.
"I can't believe it's already been a year." I nodded my head. It was unbelievable that she was already a year old. She could almost walk on her own, she often tried to talk but no words came out. She can almost say Mama and Dada.
"I know, it's scary. I have three kids all under the age of 1." I said and he laughed.
"Maybe next time you'll learn to keep it in your pants."
"You know that won't happen." I answered and he burst out laughing.
"Violet, you need to shut up!" He said pushing me a little bit.
"You need to be quiet." I said. "Literally all four of my children are sleeping." I said. Everyone would be here in about an hour and I was praying to god none of them woke up cranky. Kamden usually always wake's up cranky if I don't feed him right away. Koda was the best baby ever, even better than Ryder was. He never cries, he always eats the whole bottle.
"How are your children?" He asked.
"Babies are great, it's Daniel that gives me a run for my money." I giggled. "He always needs something." I answered.
"He's driving you insane?" I nodded my head. I was used to getting up in the middle of the night for feedings, Daniel wasn't. I asked him for help all the time and he was just so tired that he couldn't find the will to get out of bed and help me.
"He's driving me to drink more than I already do." I said and he laughed.
"No wonder you were already drinking wine when I got here." I laughed at his stupid joke. "Would you do it all over again?" He asked and I looked up at him.
"Do what all over again?" I asked. There was a lot of things I would do over again.
"This last year." He asked and I nodded my head.
"There is no hesitation that I would do this all over again." With everything that has gone on in this last year, two different pregnancies, a divorce, a different break up, death, it was all worth it in the end. I would do this over and over again for the rest of my life if it got me to where I am today.
"You would?" He asked.
"Ask any mother in the world if they would do it all over again, they would all answer yes." There was no doubt in my mind that I would want to have another baby. Maybe not right now but someday. I always wanted a big family. Our mother always wanted a big family. She wanted to have a ton of grandbabies and she wanted to be apart of their lives. I'm going to live out her dream whether she is still on this Earth or not.
"Would you think our mom would do it all over again?" Now that was a hard question.
"No matter what happened she always said that she would never put a man before her children. She would do it all again, she would just do some part of it differently." I answered. "She would have loved us all a little more and loved the bottle a little less." Me and Beau usually never talk about this together. We all tried to keep quiet about it. Interviewer's often asked us about it and we usually just gave the same answered, 'she's in a better place now'. We never furthered the conversation with others.
"What parts would she have don differently?" He asked.
"She wouldn't have tried to beat me to death." I answered and he nodded. "She probably wouldn't have drank so much. She would have been in the delivery room with me." I whispered the last part.
"I bet she was. All she ever wanted was to have kids and grandkids." He said and I nodded. "It's okay." He said standing to hug me.
"What did you do?" Daniel asked when he came into the kitchen carrying Ryder who went right to Beau.
"We were just talking about Mum." I answered wiping my eyes. It's never easy losing a parent. It's never easy losing a parent to the same thing. Both of our parents had died from liver failure. Of course, we didn't like our father but our mother was apart of our lives every single day. Of course she did some horrible things to me but that didn't mean that I loved her any less.
"What about her?" He asked.
"We were just wondering if she was in the delivery room with us." I answered. I so badly just wanted to know if she knew about my kids, I know that Theresa said that she knew of them but I wanted to know if she kissed them when they were born, if she kisses them goodnight. If she smiled or cried when she first laid eyes on them, just like I did.
"Well, she wasn't exactly in the bathtub with you, but I'm sure she was there." He said pulling me in for a hug. "She knows." He said. With the holidays coming up, it pains me that she isn't with us. She always loved Christmas. She loved waking us up at the crack of dawn to open presents. She loved getting to watch out reactions when she got the most perfect gift ever.
"People are going to be here soon, stop being soppy." Beau said. I heard the twins crying from their room and me and Daniel both rushed up to get them.
"Hello, little men." I said. As soon as Kamden heard my voice, he stopped crying. Koda never cries so I didn't need to worry about him. We took them downstairs to feed them both just as everyone started showing up.
"Auntie Vi! Can I hold a baby?" Ryan asked.
"When they're done being fed okay?" I asked and she nodded her head before sitting beside me and watching Kam's every move.
"Which one is this?" She asked.
"This is Kam." I answered.
"Kam? I thought his name is Kamden?" She asked.
"It is, we call him Kam for short." I said and she nodded her head. "Where's Koda?" She asked.
"He's around here somewhere." Harry came strolling into the living room with Koda in his arms.
"Look who I found just strolling around." He said and I laughed.
"Oh was he?" I asked laughing more and he nodded. Harry was now 17 weeks pregnant and his bump was coming in and he looked so cute.
"How are you?" He asked.
"I'm still really sore." I said. It hurt like a bitch to give birth, try doing it without drugs or anything! My first birth I went into emergency c-section so I felt no pain until after. With this birth, I was in pain the entire time and I felt everything ripping open.
"I'll be having a c-section." He answered as Louis came in with their kids.
"Watch them, Luka has to go to the bathroom." Louis said. Louis looked so stressed, I wonder what was wrong.
"Is he okay?" I asked and Harry shook his head.
"He's worried about this pregnancy." I looked at him confused. "We never knew that this was possible. He's worried about miscarriage, or if I'll die while giving birth. He's been researching all the time. He's probably gotten six hours of sleep all week." He answered. I mean same but, I don't think he needs to be worrying the way he is.
"Violet!" My auntie Jen shouted when she came into the house and she came right over to me and kissed my cheek.
"Hi!" I said. I hadn't seen her in so long and I was so excited for her to be in town. She would be here for a few weeks before her, and my grandparents would head home. Daniel's parents were still here for the birth and for Christmas.
"Oh my gosh, they are so handsome." She said and I thanked her. "Where's Ryder? I have to give her my birthday kiss." She said and she rushed off to find her.
"Violet, you're aunt is smothering our first born!" I heard Daniel shout.
"Let her!" I shouted back and everyone who heard the conversation laughed.
"Daddy! I want to go swimming!" Harry's oldest daughter, Darcy said coming over to us. Ellie was sitting beside Harry drinking a bottle and Louis was with Luka in the bathroom.
"Wait for Papa, he has Luka and you can go swimming together." Harry answered. It was weird watching other people parent their kids and then I always wonder how my parenting is. I see and hear Louis yelling at their kids all the time. I rarely ever yell, you have to get me really pissed off to yell. I thought that I was an amazing mom.
"Are you ready for me to start the food?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah sure." I said standing up and placing Kam in his swing before going into the kitchen to grab the food that needed to be cooked. "We can do presents after we eat, and then do cake?" I asked and he nodded his head.
"Sounds like a plan." He answered. Once everyone ate we got Ryder to sit through opening at least a few birthday presents before I ended up opening them. She mostly got little things since Christmas was right around the corner. Me and Daniel got her a little motorized cars. It's all pink and white. I have a feeling she isn't going to want to stop using it.
Ryder fell asleep before everyone left and the twins were laying around on people's chest. Some people, like family and Harry and Louis, stayed later so we fed them dinner before we all sat around the fire drinking a few beers and talking. I was sitting on Daniel's lap and I was just listening to everyone else talk. I watched as Louis placed his hands on Harry's bump and a smile spread across Harry's face before he leaned back and kissed Louis.
"What are you thinking about?" Daniel whispered in my ear and I shook my head.
"Today was a good day." I answered and he nodded before sipping from a bottle.
"I agree." He said. "To Ryder!" He shouted holding his beer in the air and everyone turned to look.
"To Ryder!" We all shouted while holding our own drinks. Ryder didn't know, but someday, she would appreciate everyone around her, whether they are there when she's older, or they're not.