RYDER IS 6 MONTHS OLD
So I made the rash decision to take Ryder to see Daniels family. His mom has been emailing me all the time asking to come and see her and I would love to visit the family that I have over there so I packed our stuff and we were headed over there for two weeks. Of course Daniel was coming along with us which I wasn’t exactly happy about but now we had somewhere to stay.
“Are you sure about this?” Daniel asked just before our plane was called.
“I’m not keeping her away from them for much longer. They deserve to see her even though we aren’t together anymore.” I said as he held her seat while we walked. She was sound asleep and thank god because I don’t want her screaming on this plane.
Once we were settled on the plane I took her out of her seat so she could sleep in my arms. Me and Daniel were next to each other and we had Ryder’s seat between us. I knew that we had a long flight and we would also have a stop in Boston to fill up or whatever. We might even have to switch planes.
“What if I want to get back together?” He asked once we were on the plane and I laughed.
“Not going to happen.” Once we were in the air everyone began walking around and using the bathroom. The people next to us across the aisle gushed over Ryder.
“She looks just like her daddy.” They said and I smiled at them. I hated the fact that she mostly looked like Daniel. I looked into her eyes everyday and all I saw was her father.
“Yes she does.” I answered.
“What’s her name?”
“Ryder.” I answered.
“That’s so cute.” The woman said and I thanked her. She eventually dropped the subject but I saw her look over at us every so often to get a look at Ryder who was slowly waking up and I had Daniel holding her bottle, I was very prepared and I also had little melt in your mouth cracker things that she loved. As she stirred I took the bottle from him and shoved it in her mouth knowing that she was about to scream and she opened her eyes and reached up for my face. She left her hand on my cheek while she ate. Once she was finished I sat her up and she reached for Daniel. I handed her over to him and he gladly took her.
“You won’t even think about it?” He asked.
“No!” I snapped at him and he looked a little shocked before he sat back and he never said anything about it again.
It’s flipping cold here! I dressed Ryder in extra clothing since she has never been in the cold before and I was freezing my ass off! We rushed out of the airport to find his parents before jumping in their car.
“Hi guys!” His mom said turning around to greet us. “We can hug when we get back to the house. Everyone is very excited to meet the baby.” I smiled at her. I was excited for them to meet her too. I kept her away from them for long enough. I had been sending them all as many pictures as I possibly could but I wasn’t sure what else I could do for them.
“Violet she is adorable!” One of Daniel’s sisters said and I thanked her. “She looks so different from the pictures you send us.” She said and I smiled. I liked to think that she was a lot more beautiful in person. I should really go and sleep but I was very afraid that as soon as I fell asleep that Ryder would be hungry and want to eat. She was just beginning to learn to crawl, she was getting the motions down and as a mother I wasn’t ready for her to grow up.
“Violet, I know you’re exhausted. Go lay down, we can watch her.” Daniel said coming over and I looked at him. I think he may have forgotten that I didn’t fully trust him anymore.
“Why not?” He asked and I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t fighting with him in front of his parents.
“Because she hasn’t been eating right and she spits up and I have to pump.”
“Why isn’t she eating right?” He asked and I shrugged. “Have you talked to your doctor? To her’s?” He asked and I shook my head.
“I think I’m just going to slowly start her on formula.” I said. These were things that I needed to talk to Daniel about. I knew that he had no custody but he was still her father. I know I saw it all the time but I can’t do this on my own anymore.
Once I sent Violet upstairs after she fed Ryder, Ryder fell asleep and the girls sat around watching her. I decided that I would google and figure out what was wrong with Violet’s breast milk.
“Mum!” I shouted from the computer room and she came running in to see what was going on.
“What’s wrong?” She asked when she came into the room.
“Okay, so Violet was saying that Ryder won’t drink her milk anymore and I googled what might be wrong.”
“Okay.” She said looking at the computer screen. “What do you think it is?” She asked and I shrugged.
“Not sure, it says a bunch of different things and I checked Ryder’s mouth before she fell asleep and she doesn’t have sores. Violet never puts anything on her chest so it isn’t that either.”
“Should we call a doctor?” She asked and I shrugged.
“We are going to start her on formula.” I answered and she nodded her head.
“Well, if it doesn’t work out we need to call a doctor.”
“Yes, Mum. I already know that.” I said. She sat and looked at me and I looked back at her.
“Are you going to try and get back together with Violet?”
“No. I think for right now it’s best if we aren’t. For Ryder’s sake. Whenever Ryder isn’t around we are always fighting and it’s just been so hard. I asked and she said she would never get back together with me. I hurt her too much.” I answered and she nodded her head.
“Well, Dinner will be ready soon. You might want to get her up.” I nodded my head as I sat and looked for more reasons as to why Ryder wouldn’t be eating. I heard the toilet flush upstairs before Violet came down the stairs looking for Ryder.
“She’s sleeping.” My mum said and Violet answered but I wasn’t sure what she said. I came into the kitchen where she was helping my mom cook dinner.
“Feeling any better?” I asked her and she shook her head. She looked like she might have a fever so I walked over to her and placed my hand to her forehead. “You might have a fever.” I said. Her face was very clammy. Maybe it was because we went from warm weather all the time to it being cold here.
“I’m fine.” She said shooing me away and I went over to find Ryder awake.
“Who woke her up?” I asked glancing around the room at the two girls giggling in the corner sitting on the floor. “That’s not funny girls.” I said looking over at them before picking Ryder up. She smiled up at me before giggling and trying to pull at my face. “Don’t hurt daddy!” I said to her and I stopped myself. I knew I shouldn’t refer to myself as Daddy but probably as Daniel. Eventually she would figure out that I was her father and that I loved her very much but because of what happened with me and her mother we couldn’t be together. Of course no child deserved that and I figured life would be different by now.
Me and Violet would be living together and we would have an amazing daughter who would grow up to be close with all of her family. Instead Violet was moving to Beverly Hills into a huge house next to super famous people and their kids. I should be doing that with her but because I cheated on her while we were married, which she didn’t even know about, I decided that a divorce was what we needed. Well, what I needed.
Once we ate and everyone was settled down and showered, we decided to watch a movie. I was feeling horrible ill and was in and out of the bathroom multiple times before the movie even started.
“Are you okay?” Daniel asked once I sat back down next to him. He was holding Ryder in his arms and she was fast asleep. I shook my head before covering my mouth and running to the bathroom and he was right behind me. “What the hell is going on with you?” He asked and I shrugged before sitting back against the wall and looked at him. I had no idea what was wrong with me. For the past week I have been feeling like this. It was horrible because I was struggling to take care of Ryder on my own.
“I don’t know, it’s been happening all week.” I said to him as he got me a glass of water.
“I’m taking you to the hospital.” He said helping me stand.
“No. What about Ryder?” I asked.
“She’s asleep. She will be fine. My mom knows how to take care of kids.” He said and I nodded my head before he went to tell them what was going on before helping me out to the car. Once we got to the hospital literally no one was here and I got in right away.
“Okay, what seems to be the problem?” The doctor asked when I came in.
“She threw up and she hasn’t been feeling well for a week. Also our daughter hasn’t been breast feeding like she usually does.”
“Are you two married?” He asked and I shook my head. He nodded his head as he drew some blood and took it for tests.
“What do you think is wrong?” Daniel asked and I shrugged. When the doctor came back he seemed pretty stumped about what was wrong with me.
“Can I talk to her alone?” The doctor asked.
“No. I’m staying.” Daniel insisted and the doctor sighed before sitting down and motioning for Daniel to sit down. I was thinking the worst like I had breast cancer or something. That some body part wasn’t working.
“Well, I know the problem.” The doctor said and I sat patiently waiting for him to continue. “Violet, you’re pregnant.”