LETTER’S TO RYDER
36 weeks pregnant
Today was Jared’s birthday and I had bought him All Time Low tickets before I even got pregnant and we planned to go together but because I was hugely pregnant and could go into labor at any time, I wasn’t allowed to go and he was bringing a friends of his. He had decided to bring Sean and I would be spending the night with Rob, Heather and Liam at their house.
“Hello, Beautiful!” Heather said when I walked in the house. I think she was very excited for everything that would be going on in her life. Her oldest son was getting married, her youngest was bringing a baby into the world and we were planning a wedding. I was very uncomfortable as we were getting to the very end of this pregnancy. I was always hot and my back and feet hurt like I’ve never felt before.
“Hello.” I answered coming into the kitchen and sitting down. I wasn’t feeling good at all and Jared was a little nervous to be leaving me here while he went out for a few hours.
“How are you feeling?” Liam asked as he placed a plate of snacks on the table.
“I feel gross.” I answered truthfully. “Like everything hurts.” I said rubbing my belly before Rob came down the stairs and joined us.
“Are you hungry?” Heather asked and I shook my head.
“I think I’m going to go lay down.” I answered. I was in the mood to try and make it all the way up the stairs so I took the two steps down to the living room.
I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep but I heard someone come into the room and place something on the table in front of me. I opened one eye and saw Rob placing placing a bowl on the table along with some crackers and a glass of ginger ale. I smiled at him before reaching my hands out and he helped me sit up.
“Hey, how you feeling?” He asked and I shrugged.
“Like, shit.” I said laughing and he laughed along with me. “How was practice today?” I asked and he shrugged.
“When are you guys coming back?” He asked.
“Not until after the baby is born.” I answered as I ate some of the soup. I needed to feed this little girl. I looked over at the clock and it was midnight. Jared said he would be back around one or two in the morning. Usually concerts got over around 10:30ish. At least all of the ones I went to never went beyond that.
“We really miss you guys.” He said and I nodded my head. I missed them too. Me and Jared would go in a few times a week but these last few weeks have just been horrible so we haven’t really gone out of our way to go in.
“We miss you too. It’s just hard sometimes. I don’t feel good and after work I just want to eat and go to sleep.” I answered and he nodded his head.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Horrible. I wish she was just here already so I would be able to feel better.”
After the concert was over me and Sean went over to a bar to have a few drinks before we headed home. We had decided to spend the night at my moms house. He would sleep in the old room and I would sleep in Ryan’s room with her.
“How’s Ryan doing?” He asked once we were in the car and heading home.
“She’s okay. She isn’t feeling well today. I have a feeling the baby will be here sooner than expected.” I answered smiling but keeping my eyes on the road.
“Are you ready to become a dad?”
“Ready than most.” I answered. I knew what it was like to have a father that wasn’t ready to become a father. I see my dad around town all the time and he acts like he has no idea who I am. His little skank of a girlfriend is the nicest lady you will ever meet and I have no idea why she is with my dad. I didn’t want to ever do that to Ryan or Ryder. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to do that to them. I was going to be there for them. “I’m going to be there for both of them.” I answered and I saw him nod.
“Is she ready?”
“Emotionally I think we are both ready. Physically it is going to be hard to get out of bed so many times a night.” I said and we both laughed.
“My mom said she used to set a timer for every four hours when she was pregnant with me and my siblings to try to get used to getting up and then she would stay up for like a half hour. She said it worked a little.” He said and I nodded my head. I think me and Ry should start doing that.
“She wants to have a water birth.” I said and he looked at me confused. “She is giving birth in a baby pool in our living room.” I said. “Well my parents living room.” I answered and he nodded his head in understanding.
“Is she using drugs?” He asked and I shook my head.
“Just pain meds after.” I answered. We had a midwife all set up and we would be calling her as soon as Ryan’s water broke. I just hope she knew when she was going into labor so we could set the pool up.
“Jesus. I would never want to do that.” When I pulled in the driveway I could see that the T.V was on and I saw some shadows on the couch when the headlights hit the windows. I saw Rob get up and loom out the windows before going to sit back down.
“Be quiet when we go in.”
“I’m not stupid.” He said before yawning and stretching. I opened the front door and Ryan was sitting on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and a huge soda next to her. She usually doesn’t drink soda.
“Hi, Baby.” I said to her walking over and kissing her. Sean said goodnight before heading up the stairs.
“Hi.” She smiled at me. I laid down next to her and rubbed her back. I felt the the baby kicking her which was then moving into my stomach. “She’s moving around a lot tonight.” Ryan said giggling.
“I always love feeling her move.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“We should head to bed.” I said and she nodded her head before I got up and helped her. Her stomach looked very low but I didn’t think anything of it. That usually happened at the end of pregnancies right?
*RYAN P.O.V NEXT MORNING*
I woke up around six in the morning with a pain in my stomach. Of course the pain wasn’t horrible and I could deal with it. I tried to roll out of bed but it seemed as if the pain got worse and I called for Heather who helped me out of the bed.
“How are you feeling?” She asked when I stood up and held onto her shoulders to help me stand.
“I’m in a lot of pain. We should call the midwife.” I hissed out.
“Okay, I’ll go call her, you get Jared up.” She said and I nodded. I wobbled around the bed to Jared’s side and shook him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me before smiling.
“Morning.” I said and he rolled over groaning before he flung the blankets off of himself.
“What time is it?” He asked.
“5 past six.” I answered and he groaned again. “I think I’m going into labor.” I commented as I walked out of the room. The pants I was wearing were not comfortable at all. I wobbled down the stairs very slowly as the pain only got worse as time went on.
“Hey honey.” Liam said kissing the side of my head once I made it to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, I need to take my pants off.” He laughed. I was wearing just some black panites that covered everything so I figured it wouldn’t be that bad.
“How bad is the pain?” Heather asked and she was still on the phone.
“It’s getting worse but it’s only like a six.” I answered. Heather told our midwife, Steph.
“She’s going to get ready and then she will be over.” I nodded my head.
“Can I have a milkshake?” I asked and Liam nodded his head.
“What flavor?” Liam asked as he pulled out a few from the freezer.
“Caramel.” I answered. Jared came down the stairs yawning before kissing me and going into the fridge to find something to eat. “Steph is getting ready to come over.” I said and he nodded his head.
“Why are you naked?” He asked and I laughed.
“I was very uncomfortable.” I answered as Liam placed the milkshake in front of me. Not long later the doorbell rang and Steph came walking into the kitchen where we were.
“Okay, can I check you?” She asked and I nodded my head before we went into the guest room that was on the first floor. She checked the baby’s heartbeat and checked to see if my water broke yet.
“How long do you think it will take?” I asked her and she shrugged.
“Not sure. It could happen quickly and you could have a baby within the next two or three hours or it could take all day.” She answered and I nodded. I really hope that it doesn’t take all day. I would rather her be here sooner than later.
“Well, should we fill up the pool? Or at least start filling it up?” I asked turning to Jared who wanted to know the same thing.
“I would give it an hour, we can chill, I’ll check you every so often and if you are getting closer we can. We don’t want to start it too early and nothing happen and then have a pool filled with cold water.” She said laughing and I joined her. “I don’t mind being here early since it is your first baby. You come first remember that. I don’t want you to be nervous.” She said and I nodded my head. “By the way, I was wondering if a new girl who is practicing to become a midwife would be able to come and see what it’s like?” She asked and I nodded.
“Of course!” I said smiling. “I mean she might not wanna be around a bitchy pregnant women but…” I laughed and Jared and Steph joined me.
“Okay thank you. I will call her right now.” Steph said as she left the room and I put my underwear back on. Jared helped me off the bed before we went back into the kitchen.
“What did she say?” Heather asked as she ate some breakfast and Liam and Rob listened in.
“She said that it could be a few hours or the whole day. She’s going to check me in an hour and she will decide. Also another practicing midwife is going to come and see what it’s like.” I smiled and she nodded her head. I knew Heather wouldn’t mind.
“Oh. That’s pretty cool.” She said and I nodded my head.
The pain got worse throughout the day and around two in the afternoon my water slowly began to break before it broke all together. We had called some family that lived in the area and let them know that we assumed we would be having a baby very soon. Eventually the pain become unbearable before my water broke all together. After that the process seemed to go by very quickly.
“Can someone call my dad and just let him know please?” I asked as the pain seemed like it wouldn’t get any worse and I was eventually moved into the pool. I could literally feel my vagina ripping open as she was preparing to make her face known to the world.
“Ryan, reach down and feel your baby.” I reached down between my legs and I could tell she had a lot of hair. Jared eventually got into the pool behind me so I could push on him as I started to push. I was mostly doing it on my own and they were just going to catch her.
“GET HER OUT NOW!” I shouted as her head was out but the rest of her was in me.
“Ryan stand up she doesn’t have much room.” Steph said and I stood a little with Jared’s help and she basically fell out of me and Jared was there to catch her. Once she was out I couldn’t help but cry. She had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.
Ryder Grace was born at 4:27 p.m on April 27th, 2021(her daddy’s real birthday) weighing 6 pounds 12 ounces and 19 inches long. She had her daddy’s nose, lips and chin. She had both of our hair and eyes. She was beautiful.
We had a few visitors once we were settled and Ryder was dressed and cleaned. We emptied out the pool. Well they did. I’m not even sure how they did it. My dad even came by with my brothers as I laid on the couch. My dad sat next to me with Ryder in his arms. So far she was a very good baby. I mean she was only a few hours old. Some of our friends also came by trying to get to hold her.
“How are you feeling?” Heather asked as I laid on the couch.
“I need to go to bed.” I said before heading up the stairs to hopefully get some sleep.
I never knew what it was going to feel like to be a father. This feeling of pure love was not what I was expecting. I was very excited to be a dad. I was excited to watch this little person grow up and become a beautiful person who hopefully wouldn’t give me too much trouble. Sean slept through most of the screaming which I wasn’t sure how he did it. He slept until nearly 5 o’clock. He came down just before the baby came out and he was able to see me catch her after falling out of Ryan.
Ryan went up to bed but I still ordered some food as most of us haven’t eaten all day because we were worried about her. When the food came of course I had to go and answer the door with my new prize in my arms. The delivery person was a girl who of course gushed over her.
“How old is she?” She said.
“Only an hour.” I answered.
“What? How are you already home from the hospital?” She asked.
“My girlfriend gave birth at home. A water birth.” I answered and she nodded her head in understanding. “How much do I owe you?” I asked her.
“It’s on the house! Congrats!” She said and I thanked her before she walked away and waved before she got in the car. I held the pizza up since I couldn’t wave back without dropping my daughter or the food. It was weird, I was able to say that I had a daughter. I smiled to myself as I sat down at the table to eat. It’s really hard to eat while holding a baby but it was totally worth it. Ryan came stumbling down the stairs shortly after to sit with me to eat.
“I’m so proud of you.” I said to her and she smiled. “We did amazing.” I said kissing her and she agreed.
“I knew she was going to be perfect I just didn’t expect her to be this perfect.” Welcome to the world Ryder. You have made many many people very happy.