LETTER’S TO RYDER
35 weeks pregnant
In five short weeks I will be bringing you into the world with your daddy by my side. I am more than excited to meet you and so is everyone who is close to us. There is much pink in this apartment I feel like I’m gonna puke, well no, maybe that’s because you’re pushing on everything.
Daddy is sleeping as I type this email but I wanted to talk about mine and Daddies daddies.
Now, you will most likely never meet these men but that’s okay, you wouldn’t want to anyway. Now, my dad, he left when I was four. I didn’t see much of him and when I did, it was like I had to be perfect. Ryder, so many people will expect you to be perfect. Everyone except me and your father. We know you will not be perfect because we are not perfect either.
Of course someday a girl or a boy will come into your life and you will fall head over heels in love with them and they will tell you that you are perfect. Ryder, when this person comes into your life, never let them go. Of course you aren’t perfect but that person will look passed every single flaw you have and they will love you anyway. Your grandfathers weren’t like that.
Daddy’s father was rather mean. He didn’t care about anything but himself and his job. When he left, daddy when he was only sixteen, I watched from the sidelines as daddy started to lose himself. Ryder, daddy and I will never leave you no matter what. The world will sometimes seem like a horrible place and believe me it is. Parents fight, some get divorced. I promise, neither one of us are going to leave you here while you try to survive in this world. We are going to be here for you no matter what. We will be the best parents ever. We will not be like your grandfathers.
I walked into our bedroom to find Jared asleep on his stomach, naked and snoring away. I was wearing one of his shirts and that was it. It barely fit me but it was the only thing that was comfortable. I was ready to meet this little girl I can assure you that. As I climbed into the bed, Jared wrapped an arm around me and kissed the side of my head. As he got closer his member poked it.
“Someone’s excited.” I giggled and I heard his little laugh. His voice was so sexy in the morning.
“Yeah. Just a little.” I reached my hand behind me to my butt where his member was and I grabbed it. He hissed at me before burying his head into my neck and then sucking on it. “We can’t right now baby. People are coming over soon.” Jared had invited some friends over as a little get together before the baby comes and she takes up all of our time. Of course it was Noon when we got up and everyone was suppose to be here in an hour.
“I hate you.” I said kissing him before getting up and leaving the room. I quickly went into the bathroom to shower and Jared was right behind me wrapping his arms around my naked belly. He loved touching me and my bump. Of course I was huge and when things are huge people tend to touch them. My stomach was so hard and it was so hard to move around. When I sit down Jared has to help me up. Thank god that I can get out of the bed by myself. My maternity leave starts in two weeks but Jared has to work until my water breaks and then he gets a three week break. Thank god he is close with Rob because if he wasn’t, he would only get the time that I was in the hospital and then I would be on my own.
“She’s kicking.” He said and I nodded. I felt every little thing she did.
“I know.” I said while washing my hair. “Help me shave this.” I said handing him the razor and he looked at me like I was crazy.
“I can’t reach my vagina and I need you to shave it for me.”
“No. Go get it waxed or something.” He said.
“You can’t just do it?” I asked and he shook his head. I sighed before throwing it down and stepping out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around myself and went into our closet. The only thing that I liked to wear now was dresses because everything else was so uncomfortable.
“Babe,” Jared said coming into the room.
“Just forget about it.” I answered back at him. I wasn’t going to fight about this. I would just go and get it waxed but until I did he wasn’t allowed to have sex with me. I put on a black lacy dress as it was the only one that kept me cool. Every other dress I had was long.
“No, Ry. I’m sorry.” He said as he stood behind me.
“I know.” I said as I turned around with the dress in my hands and walked to the bathroom where I slipped on a pair of panites and then slide the dress over my head. I heard him sigh a few times while I did my hair. My hair had a natural wavy look to it so I left it the way it was before applying some eye makeup. By the time I was done his friends with their girlfriends. Of course they were all our age but none were married and none were pregnant. “Hi!” I said coming out of the bathroom and hugging each of them.
“My gosh she needs to come faster!” One of the girl, Kylie said. I laughed a little shaking my head.
“No. I need these five more weeks.” I answered. “Want to see the nursery?” I asked and they nodded their heads. We had just gotten it finished and we wouldn’t allow anyone to see it until it was done. Jared’s mom came over to see it yesterday and they joined us for dinner. They gushed over the room for a while and I showed them a few things before we were heading out to a bowling alley. I wasn’t allowed to go bowling since the balls were too heavy and the floor was slippery. I was fine sitting on the side and doing the scoreboard.
“This one’s for Ryder!” Jared shouted before he threw the ball and it went into the gutter. I laughed before he turned and looked at me and shouted over the music, “I lied!” I laughed again as I watched him throw the second balls and he knocked down seven pins.
Once they finished a few games we decided to head out and go to dinner. I knew that this could be the last time we hung out because basically I could go into labor at any point. I was careful to steer clear of the food that were spicy or what the doctor told me I couldn’t eat.
We ate dinner and everyone had a few drinks besides me. We were going to head back to our apartment to play some card or something. We all got into our separate cars. We had decided to take my car but Jared drove it. As we were pulling up to the intersection, a car from our right was making a left hand turn and they missed the lane and smashed into the front of our car instead moving the entire car to the left and ripping the bumper off with it.
“Are you okay?” Jared asked once we realized what happened. I nodded before I opened the door that barely opened but I forced it to. I pulled my dress down as I got out and everyone in the cars around us got out. Jared’s friends were all there to make sure I was okay.
“I’m fine.” I said rubbing my hands up and down my belly. A police car along with an ambulance pulled up. Since I was so far along in the pregnancy they made me go to the hospital to make sure everything was okay.
“Well, the baby is in a little distress but nothing major. You are all set to go home. I want you resting for as much as you possibly can though.” The doctor said and I nodded my head. It was those stupid morons on the road that put me and my baby at risk. If you aren’t going to make the turn don’t take it!
“How are you feeling?” Heather asked and I shrugged.
“I’ll take you home.” She said helping me into the car. Jared was figuring everything out with the cops and the lady who hit us. “The lady wanted you to know that she was sorry.” I rolled my eyes.
“Because nearly killing me or my daughter deserves a sorry.” I said and Heather laughed.
“I couldn’t agree more. Jared freaked at her.” Well I don’t really blame him for doing it. I was scared. I could have gone into labor and that isn’t suppose to happy for another five weeks. Once we got home I went right to the bedroom to change and I got myself into the bed before Jared walked in the room and stood looking at me. I could tell he was steaming.
“Hi.” He said as he took his pants and shirt off and got into the bed with me.
“Hi.” I said rolling over to face him. “Are you okay?” I asked and he nodded his head as his hands rested on my stomach and Ryder kicked me.
“What did the doctor say?” He asked.
“She’s distressed but not enough that we need to worry.” I answered and he nodded his head.
“It’s late. You should sleep.” He said and I nodded my head. Eventually sleep overtook my body. I felt the bed shift right before I fell asleep.
I’m not going to tell you how to live your life because no one ever told me how to live my life. But I will help you out. I will let you know when I think something is wrong. I will tell you if I don’t like a certain boy you are hanging around with. I know you are going to be very angry about this but please, just listen. I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do. That’s not the type of person I am. I am the type of person to steer you in a way and make you go the rest of it.
I will tell you when you are being a brat. I will not raise a brat. I am not going to hand you anything in this life you have to fight for it and you have to earn it. Everyone is trying to fight the same battle as you and some lose and some win. Don’t expect the things you want in life to come easy.
I believe that we are who we choose to be. Nobody is going to come and save you. You’ve got to save yourself. Nobody is going to give you anything. You’ve got to get out and fight for it. Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it. So don’t give up on your dreams.