LETTER’S TO RYDER
Today I am 12 weeks along. That means in 28 weeks I’ll be able to officially call myself a mom. Online it says you are about the size of a lime but I don’t actually believe you are that size. My belly is too big for you to only be that size. I know it’s going to get tight in there very soon baby and I’m sorry. I will probably never wear my favorite bikini again either but I love you way more than a stupid bikini. I hope one day you’ll wear bikini’s. Your daddy keeps saying he wants to have a girl but I know deep down inside he is praying for a little boy. I want a little girl.
Ryder, I just wanted to let you know that I’m very excited to meet you and I don’t want to be like my parents were. I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to be here for you. I will raise you the way I want. I’m looking forward to meeting you little one.
“You ready?” Jared asked as I was sitting at my desk typing out an Email to our unborn child.
“Yeah.” I smiled at him before he helped me stand up and we headed out the door. He works at a gymnastic gym in his free time and today we are going to tell everyone that we are pregnant. We saw a video on youtube of a couple telling their friends and family that they were going to take a picture of them and when they go to take it they say ‘Say Ryan’s pregnant’. Of course they didn’t use my name I was just putting it in there.
“Okay so we are going to be taking new pictures for the books.” Jared said as he scribbled some stuff down on a piece of paper. “We are going to take you all one by one into the room next door to take them.” He said and called the first girl. “Stand over there.” He said and the girl did. I was videoing her.
“Okay. Say ‘Ryan’s pregnant.’” I said and the girl was older and her jaw dropped.
“What? Are you serious?” She asked and I nodded my head and she began to cry. We were closest with her. She came over and hugged each of us.
“Don’t tell the other girls.” We went through every single girl before we headed over to my dads house. We don’t talk that much but I think this was a good time to go and see him. We did the same to him and he seemed okay with it. He wasn’t overly excited or anything. We then went to both of my brother’s. Neither one of them were married and they didn’t have any kids either.
“No you’re not.” Alex had said and I nodded my head.
“Yes I am.” I said looking at him.
“Well, how far along are you?” He asked.
“Twelve weeks.” I answered. “We are heading over to the doctor after this.” I answered. I was more than excited to see my baby again. I hadn’t seen him or her in a few weeks and it was nearly killing me.
Usually after every appointment we would be going out to lunch but Jared said that he wanted to go and look for a wedding planner and start our wedding plans. He said he wanted to get married before the baby was born but I don’t want to be hugely pregnant at my wedding.
“I can’t wait to watch your belly grow.” He said to me as he drove and he placed his hand on my stomach.
“I know me too. I’m going to be huge but I’m willing to change my body for her.” I always called the baby a girl just to make him mad. I knew he was trying not to act like it was a big deal.
“In a few weeks we can find out the sex!” He was so excited and I just loved it. He kept talking but I wasn’t listening to what he was saying. I was just admiring him and smiling. My face began to hurt. He looked over at me and smiled. “What?” He asked.
“I’m just so in love with you.” I answered.
“Oh yeah? And when did you figure that out?” He asked and I shrugged.
“Remember that first time we took that shower together?” I asked and he nodded his head. I remember his mom walking in and thinking that we had had sex. “That’s when I knew I loved you.”
“Ry?” He said to me and I looked over at him. “I’m not going to be like my dad.” He answered.
“I know you aren’t. I won’t be like my parents either.” I answered. But not just about raising our child. About being in love. I’m not going to throw our love away because we had a fight. And if it does end in divorce, I’m not going to leave my child. That’s a promise. I will not force my child into doing something they don’t like. When school becomes too much, I will pull them out because I know what it’s like to be contemplating suicide at night and waking up and going to the one place you hate the next morning. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re losing your mind.
“Do you think your mom knows?” He asked. We rarely ever talked about her. I guess now would be the time to talk about her. We had a picture of her and me hanging in our hallway a few days before she died. It’s weird to look at that picture and think she had died a few day’s later.
“Yeah. I think she does.” I answered shrugging. “I hope she’s happy on how I turned out.”
“I’m sure she’s very proud.” He answered smiling. “I know I am.” Jared had added many tattoo’s to his arms and shoulders and back. He had a few on his chest. “I’m going to get a tattoo for Ryder.” He said.
“Yeah? What are you going to get?” I asked.
“A foot or hand print with the name and date she is born.” He answered and he called the baby a girl! My eyes lit up and he smiled at me. I was content with how we were living and how I would hopefully spend the rest of my life.
*FEW DAYS LATER*
The pregnancy was really getting to me today. I felt horribly ill but I needed to go and look for a wedding dress. I was stopped at Starbucks getting a coffee when I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Jared’s dad standing there.
“Hey, You’re Mr. Black right?” I asked and he turned to look at him. His eyes automatically falling to the small bump on my stomach.
“I am. You are?” He asked.
“Ryan, I’m your son's Fiance.” I answered. He smirked.
“Did he only propose because he knocked you up?” He asked me and I so badly wanted to punch him in the face.
“He’ll be a better father than you ever were.” Heather and Jared’s dad had had his older brother at a young age, around the same age that me and Jared are at right now.
“No he won’t. He’ll leave you, you just watch.” He said. “He’s a manwhore and you’re a slut. You’ll never stay together.” He said. If we weren’t in public I would smack him.
“We’ll see about that.” I said just as a trampy blonde looking girl walked up. She was wearing a tight red dress that barely covered her boobs and her ass and she was wearing heels as tall as the Statue of Liberty. I rolled my eyes.
“Who’s this?” She asked giving me a dirty look and again, her eyes fell on my very small bump.
“I’m his sons fiance.” I answered. She turned to look at him and glanced back at me.
“I didn’t know you had a son.”
“He has two actually. Both are engaged. One is expecting a baby. But he wouldn’t know, he hasn’t been in their lives for seven years now.” I answered sipping on my coffee.
“How do you know all of this?”
“Because when I was 15 he called me a whore. My fiance's mother then soon divorced his ass. She’s remarried.” I answered. “I’ve known them for seven years. I probably know more than this scumbag.” I answered.
“And how far along are you?” She asked me.
“12 weeks.” I answered. I would 13 weeks in a few days. I pulled my dress down a little more seeing as it was rising. I wasn’t used to wearing tight dresses with my baby bump but I wasn’t feeling good and this was the only thing that still fit and that didn’t make me hot.
“Well congrats. Tell your fiance his father said hi.” She said smiling at me. He’s going to hear all about this. I’m sure he will be very pissed off.
“Thanks. And I will.” I answered before I walked away. Me and Jared had decided to settle on date for the wedding. It would be a year after the baby was born. Of course not on the babies birthday but soon there after.
Once I got home I found Jared sitting on the Imac that we had sitting in the office space that we both used for work.
“Hi.” I went to him and wrapped my arms around him and kissing the side of his face.
“Hello.” He smiled at me. “How are you?” He asked.
“I’m good.” I answered. “You’re never going to believe who I saw today.” I said pulling a few things out my bag.
“Who?” He asked and he spun around in his chair to look at me as I sat down on another chair that was in the room.
“Your dad. He has a girlfriend.” I answered. He never answered me.
“What did he say to you?” He asked finally after sitting and thinking for about three minutes.
“He just said things that you were going to be a horrible dad and such.” I answered. “I don’t believe a word that comes out of his stupid ass mouth.” I answered rolling my eyes. I looked over at the computer and there just so happen to be a picture of a penis with a piercing in it. “What the hell are you doing on the computer?” I asked him and he blushed.
“So like, I’m thinking of getting my dick pierced.” I laughed.
“Are you serious? That hurts like hell you know.” I answered. I remember a few guys talking about it a few years ago before we graduated from high school. One had gotten his done and said that his dick hurt for weeks.
“Yeah I know it will hurt, but so did your belly button. And I have a ton of tattoos. Nothing hurts worse than that.” He said and I think if he waited a few more months I could prove him wrong.
“But we are getting on a plane in two days to go see Liam’s family for Christmas.” How could we possibly sit on a plane for that long with a hurt dick?
“I’ll be fine.” He answered and I shrugged. “Are you coming with me?” He asked. I stood up and followed him out of the house. He locked it while I made my way down the stairs. I can’t believe he is actually doing this.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
I had to help Jared out of bed for the past two days since his dick hurt. He couldn’t find a comfortable way to sit on the car ride to the airport. He took a few pain pills and I’m hoping he will just sleep the whole plane ride. With me being sick and his dick hurting this will be a great plane ride. Can you tell I’m excited?
I was right, he slept the whole time and thank god he did because I don’t think I would be able to listen to him complain the whole time. We had just landed when I shook him awake. We were meeting with Liam’s parents and none of them knew that I was pregnant so they were going to be surprised.
“Are you guys ready?” Heather asked and I nodded my head as we grabbed our carry ons. Jared’s brother, Jacob has decided that him and Abi were going to drive all the way to Boston so they could make a few stops on the way there. They left a few weeks ago and they took our luggage so there would be no possible way of us losing it or having to pay for it. They had made it and they were both alive and well.
When we got off the plane and saw Liam’s parents me and Jared both went running to hug them. They were like our grandparents. We were both very close with them.
“Merry Christmas dear.” She said to me and I kissed her cheek.
“Merry Christmas Great Grandma.” I smiled at her and she was frozen.
“What?” She looked at me. “I’m not a great grandmother.”
“Not yet. In a few months you will be.” I answered smirking.
“What? No you’re lying!” She said.
“No I’m not. I’ll be thirteen weeks tomorrow.” I answered smiling and she wrapped me in a hug again before she hugged Jared. I loved Christmas time. Not just because of presents but for a little bit we could all relax and forget about the horrible things in our life. Like our parents leaving us or death. I could finally be myself and relax with my fiance and our unborn child.
It’s Daddy speaking. Your mommy had decided to write emails to you and when you are eighteen she is going to give you the password to the email. So I decided to do it too. Now, I know me and your mommy are young but I couldn’t be more excited to have a baby. We aren’t having trouble in our relationship but I think this will make us ten times closer than we have ever been.
I can’t wait to be able to feel you move around and kick. I can’t wait until the day that you are placed in my arms. I don’t care what gender you are just as long as you are healthy. But if you are a girl, I will kill any boy who tried to hurt you, and that’s a promise.
Everything I do from here on out is because of you and for you. There are no other people in this world that I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you and your mother. I love you, Ryder. So very much.