DEEP DARK AND DANGEROUS
I felt horrible that I left Ryan before she woke up. I felt like I was cheating on her. I walked up the front steps to the house that I had been to a million times already since I moved her a few weeks ago. I rang the door bell just as Michelle came out wearing yoga pants and a tank top. She opened the door and let me in.
“What took you so long?” She asked as she began to take her shirt off after we made it into her room.
“Had to go buy some stuff.” I held up to her what I bought. She took them from me before she started stripping me of my clothes. I knew I should have not been doing this. I knew Ryan would be mad at me. I watched as I got naked and the girl in front of me got naked and I gave to her what I should have saved for Ryan. I watched as I saw Ryan’s face within Michelle but it somehow didn’t stop me.
I gave up waiting for Jared to call or text me and I started doing my homework. Every so often I would check my phone to see if he had texted me and I didn’t hear but I got nothing. I didn’t wanna cry. Every time I blinked all I saw was his face. Of course I thought the worst. That he was getting into trouble, something happened with his parents, he was with someone else. I had texted a few other people telling them I needed to talk to them about Jared but no one texted me back.
* NEXT MORNING*
I woke up with dried tears on my face. I don’t remember ever falling asleep last night but I guess falling asleep was my bodies way of saying I had had enough. I didn’t even bother doing my hair. I put on a little makeup making sure my skin was just a little better looking. I walked out to my brothers car where he was waiting for me. We drove to school in silence.
I walked down to where my first class was going to be. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone. Since me and my brother usually got to school late the bell rang just as I got to the class. I knew Jared had this class with me and I didn’t really wanna talk to him either. I watched as each students slowly came into the classroom and small talk started between them. I watched as one last student walked into the classroom with his head down. I right away knew it Jared and I looked away hoping he wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes.
“Hey.” He said. I gave him a look. “What?” He asked.
“Are you serious? You’re asking me what?” I whispered yelled at him. He gave me a confused look. “You sleep over my house. You made me feel special and then the next morning I wake up and you’re gone! No texts, no calls, nothing. Just gone.” I said. Turned to face the teacher who started the lesson. I sat there trying my best as to not cry. Every so often a few girls would turn to look at Jared and then turn around and talk again. I was starting to wonder what was going on. The lesson soon ended and everyone all gathered in a circle talking about the same thing. I was so confused but I did my best to stay in my seat and try not to get involved. I heard whispers and then people looking over at me. I wasn’t even sure if Jared was still sitting behind me.
“Is it true?” A girl said looking right at me.
“Is what true?” I asked confused.
“You had sex with Jared.” I almost chocked.
“Who told you that?!” I yelled.
“Ryanne! Leave!” The teacher yelled. I huffed before I picked up my bag and walked out of the classroom.
“Miss, where are you suppose to be?” I heard the principle ask me. I turned around to face him.
“Not sure. Got kicked out of class.” I said. He moved his finger as to say follow me. I followed behind him into his office.
“What happened?” He asked.
“There are rumors going around about me that aren’t true.” I said.
“What are these rumors about?” He asked.
“Me and a boy.” I said. He nodded as I told him this.
“What is this boys name?” He asked.
“Jared Black.” I said. He called Jared down to his office. I sat with my arms crossed against my chest when he walked in and sat down. I didn’t even look at him. I told myself not to. “Son, whats going on.” Mr. Jackson asked Jared.
“I can’t say.” Jared said and looked over at me.
“And why not?” He asked.
“Because its not school appropriate and I don’t want to say it in front of Ryan.” He said. I got very angry. I didn’t like the fact that he was keeping secrets from me.
“Why wont you tell me?!” I got even more mad.
“Because you’ll get mad!” He yelled back.
“I already am mad!” I said. Mr. Jackson didn’t even try to stop us from fighting. He just sat and listened. Jared thought about what to say.
“ I snuck out of your house yesterday morning to go have sex with Michelle Foy.” He said. My eyes went wide. I could feel my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. I got up and smacked him as tsunami tides ran out of my green orbs.
“Ryan, you need to calm down.” Mr. Jackson said as he stood up to hold me back. “That will be a four day suspension because you hurt another student.” He said. Jared took everything I was giving him. The swears I was yelling, the names I was calling him and the one slap to the face he got before Mr. Jackson could stop me.
“How could you do this to me?!” My voice was getting louder.
“You’re not my girlfriend!” He yelled even louder. Just hearing those words broke my heart into a million more pieces. I couldn’t handle this, I wanted to leave. I needed to leave. I knew this was going to happen because I finally let someone into my life and he destroyed it with everything he had. He gave that girl the one thing I wanted from him the most and I would have waited until the day before I died to take it away from him and keep it forever but instead he threw it all away to some girl who didn’t even care.
“And I never will be.” I said and got up to go and get my school work for today that I would missing for the rest of the week. I waited for my mom to come and pick me up. I cried and cried when she got there. She wasn’t even mad.
“Stephen said you can go and practice all day if you want.” She said after we got in the car and went back home. I changed into some clothes that I could wear to softball and my mom drove me over.
“Where were you on Saturday?” He asked.
“With that boy.” I barely made out without my voice cracking.
“I didn’t mean to. I thought he would stay forever but I was wrong.” I said as I grabbed my bat and a bucket of balls and began hitting off the tees. The problem with doing this was that I couldn’t get my mind off what it was like to be doing that with him. I wanted to feel that with him. I wanted there to be a love that no one else had and I wanted it to be real. At one point my vision had gotten so blurry I had to stop and go to the bathroom. I watched as tears slowly fell from my eyes and down my cheeks staining my shirt as the hit it. I didn’t want to be like this anymore! I wanted to be strong. And I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted to be the girl who looked so strong that no one knew she was dying inside.
“What happened to your face?” My mother asked all panicked as I walked into the kitchen after school.
“Ryan hit me.” I simply said.
“Why would she hit?” She asked.
“I did something that was wrong and I shouldn’t have done and now she is broken hearted.” I said grabbing a snack and a drink and going upstairs. I had many unread text messages from her from yesterday and a bunch from Michelle saying some random stuff. I laid on my bed thinking about what I could do to make this all better but I knew there was nothing I could do. I had broken the one girl that I thought I was going to be with for a long time. I crushed and I was probably not getting her back.
I did most of the work that was going to be needed for this week. I decided to do a bunch of stuff that would keep my mind off of him. I was with Stephen for a little over five hours and it was time to go home and shower and eat. I cleaned my room while I was at it. By the time my head hit the pillow I was exhausted but some how the tears still consumed me and my pillow became soaked with my tears.
“Why did it have to be me?” I whispered as if I was whispering to a god that I wasn’t even sure if someone was there or not. I wanted Jared all too myself. But he was sharing himself with other girls. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a bad good looking boy because a good girl like me would never ever end up with him. I was just getting my hopes up like every other girl.