DEEP DARK AND DANGEROUS
I walked into school knowing I wouldn’t be seeing Ryan until next week. All last night I was debating if I should drive over to her house but I knew I shouldn’t because she wouldn’t let me in anyway. My mom just left me to basically destroy her house on the rampages I was going on. I smashed mostly my stuff. Stuff that Ryan had touched. I couldn’t even look at my bed or the shower.
“Jared.” My mothers very calm voice said to me as she came into my room and saw me laying on the floor looking at the ceiling. I turned my head to look at her. “Why aren’t you laying in the bed?” She asked.
“Because she’s slept there.” I simply said. She just left me laying there. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. I just remember dreaming that I felt Ryan next to me rubbing my chest with her small hand. I remember waking up crying calling for her. Screaming for her actually. I heard my door fling open and hit the wall and my mother laid down next to me wrapping her arms around me. I felt like such a baby that I was crying over her.
I woke up that night crying. I had fallen asleep crying too but for some reason this cry was worse. I couldn’t breathe. Every time I tried to breathe a sob just left my lips. I was beginning to panic that I couldn’t get air into my lungs. I so badly wanted Jared back but he lost all the respect and trust I had for him.
‘I’m sorry.’ That’s all I wanted to hear come out of his mouth. Those words would mean so much to me. I wasn’t sure why I was still waiting around when I clearly could just go to him but I knew he needed to apologize first. I would have given Jared anything. I would have given him my virginity if thats what he wanted and I finally know that he did, but not mine. I found that I got attached to people very easily and they also hurt me very easily.
“Ry, mom made you some food before she leaves for work. Do you want it?” I looked over to see my younger brother standing at the door with a plate of food.
“Just leave it on the desk.” I said. “Thanks.” I was still laying in my bed when I heard him place the cup and plate down on my desk.
“Jared came by. He left a note.” I turned over and watched him place it next to the plate before he walked out and eventually left for school. I ate the food he brought for me while starring at the note but I didn’t dare open it. I grabbed it and opened it. I read the two words that were written on it.
‘I’m sorry.’ I wasn’t sure what I should feel. I liked Jared. I liked him so much. I decided to get dressed and run over to the school to see him in class. I finished making myself to look close to perfect and I ran out the door. As soon as I got out the door and lifted to my head about to run over to the school I saw a pair of feet. I stopped where I was and looked up. I was him. I felt like I was in a movie. I could feel my eyes start to burn with tears and I ran into his arms. I cried into his neck as he held me.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan.” He said as he held my head to his neck. I knew I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I just held him and he held me and neither one of us said a word. He carried me into the house and out of the cold air. He put me down and looked me right in the eye. “I knew I should have saved that for you. I shouldn’t have given it up that easy to some whore who didn’t appreciate it like you would.” He said as he wiped the tears that were falling down my very red cheeks.
“If you had just waited a few more months.” I said.
“I should have. It would have been so much more special.” He grabbed me again and hugged me.
“Last night was horrible.” I said. It really was.
“Same.” He said. I guided him to the living room and turned the T.V on. I basically sat on his lap as he held him not letting him go. “Guess I’m not going to school.” He laughed.
“Never.” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck even tighter. I laid down over his lap. I felt him rubbing my stomach that was showing under my stomach and he moved my shirt up to rub it more. I remember looking at his face but I don’t remember anything happening after that. I woke up crying.
“Hey!” Jared yelled to wake me up. I held onto his neck. I tried to breathe but I couldn’t get any air in. Jared rubbed my back. “Ryan, you need to calm down. Its okay. I’m here.” I tried to calm down by looking at his face and it some what helped but I was still crying.
“You’re here.” I said over and over again.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He said as he grabbed my face helping me calm down. “Breathe.” I saw his face coming closer to me before his lips crashed into mine. I closed my eyes and I could finally breathe. He let go. I smiled at him.
“Will you be mine?” He whispered to me.
“Of course.” I said as I hugged him around his neck.
“Thank you.” He said. He laid us both back down and I rolled over to face him. I rubbed his face. He closed his eyes and I heard his breathing change and I heard his little snores. I rolled over to watch the T.V and found myself to lazy too. I snuggled into him closer and he wrapped his arms around me tighter and we both fell asleep. And it was the first time I slept for more than two house without crying.