DEEP DARK AND DANGEROUS
“Wanna go play football?” Jared asked as we were sitting in the school stands facing the football field that was empty.
“Sure.” I answered. I still didn’t fully trust him yet but I don’t trust anyone anymore. I followed him down to the field where he ran around me trying to make himself look cool. “Are you going to pass it?” I questioned him. He handed me the ball and I took off sprinting the other way. I looked over my shoulder and he wasn’t far behind me and he was catching up. I made my legs move faster. I felt him right behind me before his arms wrapped around me and he lifted me up. Laughter fell from my mouth. The type of laughter I hadn’t heard in over a month.
“I haven’t heard that in so long.” He said as he laid me on top of him on the ground.
“Me too.” I admitted to him. “I missed it.” I still had trouble sleeping at night but it was getting better.
“You always look at the bad.” He commented.
“Uh. Do you forget what you did to me?” I asked. “You left me for the slut.”
“I know.” He closed his eyes. I rolled off of him. “I was just having a tough time.” He said.
“Yeah, because I wouldn’t have sex with you.” I said. “We all have tough times. But you don’t leave someone else to make it seem like the pain went away.” I said to him. It wasn’t like I was going to go running to him asking if he would take me back because he left me and I wasn’t that type of girl.
“And I said I was sorry.” He said. I looked at him.
“Sorry doesn’t make the pain go away.” He rolled over on top of me holding his body above mine.
“What can I do to make you feel better?” He asked.
“I like ice cream.” He laughed. He leaned his head down closing his eyes. “Jared, no.” I stopped him. I didn’t wanna kiss him. Not after those lips had been all over that slut.
“Because I kissed her?” He asked.
“Right in front of my face.” I answered back.
“You’re never going to forgive are you?” He asked.
“ I never said. I said I didn’t trust you.” I said back as he sat up and I did too. He ran his hands through his dark brown hair and he sighed.
“I just want it to go back to how it was before. Can’t we do that?” He asked.
“I don’t know. I can only do so much.” I answered.
“Maybe a kiss will remind you.” He said as he quickly pressed his lips to mine as he held my head. It did feel like it did before. I smiled and laughed as he squished our faces as close as he could.
"I think you might be crazy." I laughed and he let go of my face. He pulled me up and I climbed onto his back as he walked back up to his car. “Remember that show Vampire Diaries I always made you watch?” I asked him as we reached his car.
“Yeah! Stephan is my favorite.” He said. I may have helped me with loving him.
“He died in the last episode.” I said. I cried like a baby.
“Way to spoil it.” He said as we both got in.
“I’m just saying. I was highly upset.” I said. I was really upset about it. And he tweeted saying he wasn’t coming back. I loved him. Although I loved Jeremy more when he died I cried like it was my best friend who had just died, he came back though. Its really messed up. You have to watch it to understand it. I turned the radio on in the car and Over my Head was playing. I began to sing along.
“I didn’t know you could sing.” He said looking at me.
“I can play piano too.” I looked back at him.
“Wow.” He couldn’t really form words to explain what he was thinking about it. “Will you play something for me sometime?” He asked.
“When I get the piano in my bedroom I will. My mom does like when I play in dining room.” I answered. For some reason my mother was always mad when I would play. She was a drunk and pregnant so I could understand that she was crazy without the booze. I have a feeling I will be caring for that baby most of the time.
“Why?” He asked. I was wondering the same thing.
“I don’t know. Because her pregnancy hormones are crazy. She can’t drink. She’s losing her mind.” I answered. I didn’t really want to tell him this because I didn’t fully trust him yet. He reached for my hand.
“I’d love to hear you play.” He said. He smiled at me before he pulled into the ice cream shop parking lot. There were only a few cars here meaning there weren’t a lot of people. He got out and came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me. He was really trying to win me back. He reached his hand out to hold mine as we walked in.
“What song do you want me to play for you?” I asked after we ordered what we wanted. We sat down at the bar that was there as the waiter brought over our ice cream. They were huge and looked so good.
“Whatever song you think you sing best.” I knew I was going to sing Wanted by Hunter Hayes. I was able to play that on the piano and it had amazing vocals that went with my voice very well. I mostly played Hunter Hayes and One Direction songs. I dug into my ice cream with him still holding my hand. I missed the feeling of his skin on mine. I missed hearing his laugh and mine. I missed seeing his eyes. One green and the other brown. I missed hearing his voice and see the way his nose crinkles when he sees or hears something he doesn’t want to. I missed being able to tell him anything no matter what it was.
I missed feeling his hot breathe on my lips when he’s about to kiss me. I love listening to him talk about anything. I missed laying in his arms as he played Xbox or playstation. I loved when he would tell his mother that we were going to be together forever and she wasn’t going to stop us. I loved that she would laugh at him and shake her head but I believed every word he said. I looked over at him and smiled.
“What?” He asked as he shoved more ice cream into his mouth.
“I missed you.” I said as I squeezed his hand harder and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t want to admit to him that I missed him because that showed weakness but eventually I was going to break if I didn’t get it out soon.
“I missed you too. I should have never left you.” He said. I knew he shouldn’t have left me. I was the one who was losing her mind. I spent nights wondering what was so wrong with me that he no longer wanted to be with me. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t enough. So I’m not perfectly skinny and I have acne on my face. My hair is always a mess and I don’t care how I dress. I didn’t act like a whore and that’s what I was finally telling myself. He didn’t want to be with me because I wasn’t willing to suck his dick or have sex with him.
“You did leave me though. I spent every night wondering what I did to make you leave me. I didn’t think I was enough. So I’m not perfect, you didn’t need to lead me on.” I said. He wasn’t perfect either though. He had acne on his face too, we were both trying to fix it. He wasn’t perfectly skinny either. I mean he had a nice body but it wasn’t like he had a six pack either. I did everything I could to try to be what he wanted but I knew I would never be enough. “Why was she better than me?” I asked.
“She wasn’t. She was just willing to fuck me. She gave it up so easily. You wouldn’t. After I thought about it I realized that I wanted to fight for a girl. I didn’t want her to throw herself at me begging to have sex all day everyday. I didn’t want someone who was perfect because I’m not perfect. My family is fucked up and I wanted a girl to understand that not everything is suppose to be perfect. Nothing is perfect.” I listened to him rant.
“Jared, I know your family isn’t perfect. Your dad called me a whore. I was there. I cried.” I said.
“Oh yeah. He’s gone. Haven’t seen him in a while.” He said looking down. Neither one of us had touched our ice cream for a few minutes now. Both of us had pushed it to the side as we got closer to each other. He slapped some money down on the bar before he helped me off the stool and we got back in his car. Old memories of his father flashed through my mind. They nearly killed me.
“My father was a rude man.” I said to Ryan as we sat in my car. “I don’t want to see him ever again.” I said. The subject of my father made me upset. He pushed my buttons the right way. I didn’t see how he could leave me and my mother. My older brother didn’t even know he was gone. “I had a dream. Me and you were married. We were young. You were pregnant. You saw him in the streets and he approached you and asked about me. He then proceeded to tell you I was going to be a horrible father. You came and told me you saw him. I asked what he said. You said ‘nothing that is true or that I believe.’ I remember waking up crying that I wasn’t with you and that he didn’t think I was going to be a good father” I said to her. “ I don’t want to be like my father.” I said. Why would anyone want to be like my father? I had a wonderful mother and I was so happy she was still with me. If she had left me I don’t know what I would do. “Will you sleep over?” I asked.
“You have to clean your sheets first.” She said. I knew why she wanted me to. She knew I had done dirty things on that bed.
“I will.” I drove back to my house. I was finally able to sleep with her in my arms again. And speaking for the both of us. It was the best sleep we had gotten in a long time.