I wanted to feel like no one could ever touch me, that I was as free as the birds above me. I walked up the hill and looked over the edge. I wanted to jump, but I was scared. Not of hights though. I have never been scared of highs. I was scared that my wings couldn’t bear me, that they would fail me. I was all alone and even more alone in my head. My thoughts were unclear and unwonted. “Only the cold air can clear my head.” Said I as I jumped. As I was falling, I though of what he had said to me. He had told me about her and that I was a fool to think that something was going on between us. The rest of the conversation was too harsh to even think of. Tears started rolling out of my eyes.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. The feeling of falling. Just falling. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world even thought it was scary as hell. As I opened my eyes again I saw that I was terrifying close to the ground. I started to panic and thought of what had made me jump in the first place. It was my dream, but as I think of it now a dream is a dream and not reality. But it had felt so real. I could se the ground real clear now. I was only fifty meters from the ground as I remembered the most important part of my dream. It was two words. No more than two words. “Okklula Moris.” Screamed I out loud. Thirty meters. I felt something grow out of my back. It only made my scream louder. Twenty meters. My back felt like it was on fire. I screamed and screamed. Ten meters and I started to see something really odd, my shadow started changing. Out of the sides grew large wings, but it was too late because at the same moment I hit the ground.
I woke up sweating all over and found my little sister holding me down. I looked at her pale face and she was scared. I tried to get up and hug her, to tell her that everything was okay, but as I tried to move I screamed again. My back was still hurting. “I don’t understand it was just a dream.” I said to myself.
“There are no such thing as just dreams.” My sister said. I looked up.
“What did you say?” I asked as I looked into her big brown eyes.
“Nothing, I said nothing.” She answered. I looked right at her and there were no sign of lying in her small face. “Does it hurt?” She asked.
“I’m fine.” I said and tried to sit up again, still no luck.
“You are a bad liar, you know that, right?” She didn’t look like she expected an answer and I didn’t feel like giving her one. My back was still hurting. I tried to turn on my stomach and this time I succeed. As I turned my back felt like it was on fire again. I bit my lip to hold the scream back and instead out came a little sigh. My sister moved closer and I felt her hands on my shoulders. “What were you dreaming?” She asked as she tried to see what had happened to my back.
“It was just a bad dream. Nothing special really.” I answered and hoped she would stop asking me, but I knew she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t give up before she had found out what had happened to me. God dam her curiosity. She has always been curious. When we were younger we sat before the fireplace, she liked the fire and wanted to touch it. I tried my best to tell her that it was dangerous, but she wouldn’t listen and then when I turned, she ran to touch the fire. Her hand hasn’t been the same since.
“What was the dream about?” She asked, this time she looked me directly in my eyes. She had my mom’s eyes kind and loving, but also hard and scary.
“None of your business.” I said maybe a little to hard. “I didn’t, I’m sorry.” I cut myself of when I saw her face. Her eyes were filled with tears. She is always so delicate. “I didn’t mean to …” I started again, but this time she interrupted me.
“I have to go.” She said with a tiny voice, but then her voice changed: “I found out what I wanted anyway.” Then the door slammed. I looked after her at the close dull door. What was going on? I have never heard her sound like that. It was like someone was talking through her and then there were the part where she gave up just like that. That doesn’t seem her.