Learning To Love

How can you love when you are afraid of being touched?
How can you touch when you've been touched so many times before?
How can someone do something like that to a kid?
How can someone do something like that to his own son?
Lucas Heather has one of the worst pasts ever
He didn't share it
Didn't talk about it
But still...
Everyone knew what happened


9. Chap. 9

Curtis P. of V.
This chapter is dedicated to secratsandlies because she was the first one to comment in a looooong time)

After I left the room I prayed to God he would get some sleep, but that was unlikely to happen. It would probably be months, if not years, till he can have a normal night of sleep. It was the same with talking, he haven't done it in months and now all of the sudden he can and it feels weird for him. I was shocked when he did today so I can't imagine what he felt.

The fact that he is opening up to me calms me down a bit. He's more willingly to talk and share. But he still has a long way till everything is normal again. I went into the waiting room and found a sleepy Jane cuddling against James.

"You should really go home and get some sleep, you are going to need it for tomorrow." It cost her a little bit to realized what I had said but when she did she jumped out of the seat and threw herself at me bouncing with happiness.

"He said yes? He's going home?" She said pulling away with tears already forming in her eyes.

"Well, technically, he haven't said yes yet. But I'm sure he will. Though I need you to remember what we talked about. He is very nervous and doesn't trust you yet, he will but he also needs time. There is a lot on his plate right now and he is just trying to cope with everything."

"I know, I know. Baby steps. I won't get in his way and give him his space. I just want him home. In a real home. A home where he doesn't have to go around walking on his tip toes or being afraid. I want a new beginning for him. I want him to have everything he never did. And I want the old Daniel back. The one who laughed, couldn't keep still and who had this spark in his eyes that just from seeing him it made you smile. He lost that a long time ago, and I want him to have it back. I want my son back"

By the time she was done talking, tears where pouring down her face. It broke my heart to see her like this, I knew she wanted the best for him. She never meant to hurt him, she loved Robert and thought it was just a faze he would get over. But it turned out he was just hiding his real personality.

I hadn't told this to Lucas, but his dad had actually tried to escape two times in the last month and one of those he almost made it. That's why they want to schedule the court session as soon as possible. After everything is settled they will probably ship him off to some other country, and after that, hopefully, he won't be able to hear from Lucas again. I knew he had people keeping him updated on him, but it was almost impossible to know who. 

"And you will, he'll be back to what he used to be. But it's going to take him time. Right now, he is doing way better than what I expected. After everything that happened I'm surprised he talks to me so freely. It might seem like nothing to you but it's a huge step. And in no time he will be talking to you too. He doesn't blame you, he's just confused. All his dad ver told him was that he was worthless, that you didn't love him and that the way he was treating him was right, that it was right to hit kids and do the things he did. We are going to have to change all that, and it's not going to be easy but it's not impossible."

I knew everything I just said wasn't enough. She wanted him back, but we had a long way before that happened. It wasn't something that would happen in a month, it was going to be at least a year before he was back to his normal self.

I heard a beeping sound and looked at my pager to see Lucas's room number written there. I immediately sprinted back there to find him gripping his hair and screaming. His vitals were way too high and that's probably why my pager beeped.

I rushed over to him and started shacking him and screaming his name. After a few more second he opened his eyes and tears immediately started running down his face. The look in his eyes was enough to make anyone want to cry so I couldn't even imagine what he had dreamed about. I took my hands out of his shoulders not wanting to scare him. I had learned that after a nightmare it was best to leave him alone. Or at least for now, once he started talking and trusting me then we could work his way out of them, but for now it was just to show him that I mean no harm.

I couldn't stop saying it, it broke my heart. The look in his eyes, the fear evident in his eyes, the way he put his legs as close to his chest as he could and hide his head between them trying to make himself smaller, his trembling hands and the shacking from his silent sobs. He was crying, but unless you really payed attention you wouldn't even notice. He made no sounds.

I tried reaching out for him and gently stroked his hair after a few minutes, he flinched away and started sobbing harder. I knew it wasn't because of the nightmare anymore. He liked it when you stoked his hair, it calmed him down, it was probably one of the things his father never do to him, so it didn't brought any memories back. But the voices inside his head constantly reminded him what would happen if somebody touched him. It frustrated him, but he couldn't do anything about it. After all the years of abuse it was his body reaction, he wanted it or not, it wasn't his choice anymore.

I went over and sat down next to him, I wasn't giving up on him. I got closer and he started shacking again. When my arm went around his shoulders he suppressed a yelp but stayed still. When I finally hugged him, his hole body was tense and he was breathing in pants. But the moment I started stroking his hair and rocking us both back and for, he relaxed. Not completely but enough.

"Please make it be over. I can't do it, it's too much. Please, Curtis make it stop" He stammer through his words.

He eventually calmed down and stopped crying. The tears were still shining in his eyes but they weren't falling. It made me wonder how many times had he had the urge to cry but he hasn't, pushing it back. For a 12 year old it wasn't good to keep all this inside of him, he needed to talk it out. But with the stupid rules his father told him he was never going to get better. No talking, no sleeping, no looking at people in the eye, no touching people and the list went on and on. Jane had told me that Lucas had to be still and quiet every time his dad was in the house, any movement or noise and he would snap. Which explains why he never makes any noises. When I looked down he was sleeping in my embrace, with the tears stains on his cheeks. Everybody is at ease when they sleep, but with him it was upside down. He seemed even more stressed and fear full, like even when he was sleeping his father still hunted him. I decided to let him rest, because he sure needed it.



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