Learning To Love

How can you love when you are afraid of being touched?
How can you touch when you've been touched so many times before?
How can someone do something like that to a kid?
How can someone do something like that to his own son?
Lucas Heather has one of the worst pasts ever
He didn't share it
Didn't talk about it
But still...
Everyone knew what happened


6. Chap. 6


I was shocked when he didn't say anything and just kept still staring at me, with my hands still hoding to his arm. But what shocked me the most was the look of relief that crossed his eyes once he realized that I had finnally talked to him.

With one shake of his head he came back over to me again and wrapped me in his arms. That's when I noticed the feeling of comfort and safety that I felt near him. All my muscles where still tense and I was still a bit nervous because of the proximity but somewhere deep, it felt good, and that's something I haven't felt in a long time.

"I'm not leaving you I already told you that. I'm here for you and I want to help you. And I know is hard but the first step is for you to see your mom. She wants to tell you something that I think yuo will be happy to hear" I was about to shake my head. I wasn't ready. If she still hated me I wasn't ready to face it yet. "She doesn't hate you, she loves you and always has. Everything she did, she did it for a reason. And that's part of what she needs to tell you. All you have to do is listen to her, and if after that you don't want to stay with her, we  can figure something else"

I wanted to ask but I didn't know how. I couldn't face her alone. At least if Curtis was here he could make sure she didn't hurt me. I took one deep intake of breath and force the words out of my mouth

"C-Could you stay?" I could still feel the raspy sound of my voice and how weird it sounded coming out of my mouth. It was going to be a while before it came back o normal. And even then, I don't think I would be comfortable enough to talk in front of other people.

"Yes, sure. I'll go get her and be back in just a few minutes"

"She's here?" I couldn't help myself from asking that, and it seemed to surprised Curtis as well, probably because I haven't told him anything until just a few hours back and now I was talking more than I had in the past 3 years.

"Yeah. She spent the night at the hospital yesterday to make sure you were alright" That didn't sounded like her at all. "She's changed" He said before turning around and walking out of the room to go back and get her.

I was 100% sure this was going to go wrong, and not the wrong kind of way but the awful kind of way. But somehow seeing her did make me nervous in the way that I wanted her to come. And knowing that she was here all night waiting for me meant a lot.

She wasn't always mean. At the begining she used to help me not to get in trouble and sometimes even cover them up for me. She took the beatings when I was little. But one day, she just stopped. And started ignoring me, she would leave for days and didn't come back. After that it was as if she supported what my dad said and made everything he wanted her to.

She never hurt me, but neither did she stopped it. She just stood there and watched, nodding alone to what he said. And other times she would just pretend like it wasn't happening till it was over, only then and after he had left, she would come to me and say "Get up and go to your room before he comes back, don't just lie there giving him another chance of kicking your ass when he gets here". And after that she would just turn back around and leave.

It didn't mean that I didn't have rancours about her still, but they were more about why she did it. If she came here and make sense out of the whole thing then I wouldn't give it a second thought to forgiving her, if there was something to forget. But I wanted at least to hear a reason of the why.

Just as I was about to keep my head spinnig with thoughts the door opened and in came Curtis and right behind him... My mom.

She didn't look any different, still dressed in jeans, a flowery tank top and a sky blue cardigan on top of it. Her hair in a ponytale with her fringe to the side almost touching her right eye. But there was one difference, the look her eyes had. It wasn't the cold, disgusted look I was used to see but now in them stood a sad, hollow and full of regret look. The kind that I only saw once, after the first time my dad did something to me.

I wasn't able to hold her stare, it was just too much. It brought back all the memories. I felt my eyes start to tingle with tears and a few of them dropped out, just from the thought of not being able to look her in the eye again.

"I know I am probably the last person you want to see right now" I could hear the brokeness in her voice, and she didn't even know how wrong she was "But I just want you to listen to me and give me some time to explain myself" She said as she sat down at the chair besides my bed, I could see Curtis leaning against the wall and it brought me some comfort, knowing he was here for me. I knew they were waiting for me to say or do something to show that I was alright with that, but I was far too shocked to do anything.

"You keep on with the no talking rule he gave you. I had the hope you wouldn't keep doing that, you have a lot to say and you should say it. But as for now I just want you to keep an open mind and listen to me while I explain why I did all those things and why I never protected you" She gave me a moment to stop her, but I didn't. I wasn't forgiving her but I wanted to hear what she had to say.

"So here it is. At the begining I didn't help you because... If he took his anger out on you then he didn't do it with me. And it was wrong of me because you were just too little and didn't know what was happening, you thought you had done something wrong when in reality you never did. But after that, he started to trust me more, when he saw that I was on his side, and I saw this as a way out. Not only for me but for you too. So I started giving him small hints, that I agreed with him. Until he finally started giving me my space, he trusted me, let me went out, do the shopping and that's when it happened. One of the days I was out walking to clear my head from all the things happening at the house I stumbled with a guy. When we fell he saw one of the old bruises and started questioning me. I broke down and told him everything, it turned out he was a cop. Long story short, we've been gathering evidence against him. And we have enough to put him in jail for at least 50 years. But this isn't quite it. I fell in love with him, and he did with me."



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