Learning To Love

How can you love when you are afraid of being touched? How can you touch when you've been touched so many times before? How can someone do something like that to a kid? How can someone do something like that to his own son? Lucas Heather has one of the worst pasts ever He didn't share it Didn't talk about it But still... Everyone knew what happened

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5. Chap. 5

I haven't slept in two days now and had been ignoring Curtis everytime he tried talking to me. I couldn't keep my eyes open and all I wanted to do was to lay down and sleep. But everytime I did that I would have a nightmare and that was the last thing I needed right now

Curtis walked into the room like every morning, checked my vitals and wrote them down in my clinical record. Then he sat down on the chair and stared at me, waiting to see if I was going to say anything. I still didn't know why he bothered, I wasn't going to talk and earn myself a punishment without my dad telling me to.

"Your mom was let go today, she was cleared this morning without any charges and as another witness of what happened. She has somethings she needs to talk to you about. And I think you will like the news she has for you. I just don't know if you are ready to see her again"

I didn't look up from my place on the bed. I was sitting with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms and head resting over them, hiding my face form him. She never hurt me, or at least not intentionally. She never protected my ether, wich was alright because she was just trying to protect herself.

"Lucas I don't know what happened but I need you to talk to me"

Not gonna happen, he is not allowed to talk

Is fine talking to him, he wants to help

Who would want to help you, you got yourself into this and you are not getting out of it. I am getting out of jail and coming for you and then we'll talk about what you did.

He was right. I couldn't do anything and neither could Curtis, This was all on me and I had to face it

"I'm jsut gonna let her in, if you need me I'll be outside" I kept still and waited for him to get out, but he didn't "You know, it shouldn't be this hard. It can all be a lot easier but in order to do that I need you to work with me and talk to me. The trial is sheduled for a month from today and if you don't talk to me then you are going to have to talk there in front of the judge"

He never mentioned that. We were going to court?

He was going to be there. And I was too. And that was going to be it. It was over. After that day I was never coming back.

The sound  of the door opening made me snap out of my thoughts. I couldn't see who it was so I lifted my head from my eyes to look. I immediatly put it back down, and next thing I know I feel the tears running down my cheeks.

I wasn't ready to see her. To see that cold look on her eyes. That disgusted look that she only gave me, when in fact I wasn't doing anything wrong an-

But you were. You always did something wrong. Infact, you are wrong. You were just some stupid mistake and I should have convinced her to give you away as soon as you were born. You are wrong and for that  you can never do anything good and you can never be loved. You are and will always be.. NOTHING!

It was too much. His voice keep replaying in my head. And he was right, how could someone like me be anything more that trash. I wasn't supposed to be alive. I could felt my heartbeat acelerating but I couldn't care less. I was a waste of space and that's how it was always going to be

"Hey, Lucas! Please look at me, please. It's alright I aready told her to leave. Is alright, everything is going to be okay" Curtis said in my ear, soothing me.

That's when I realised he was hugging me, and when I started to trash around. He couldn't do this. It was going to get me in trouble and if my dad found out.. Oh my God he was going to kill me

"Lucas listen to me! He doesn't have control over you anymore. You don't need to go by his rules and you don't need to do anything you don't want to. You are safe now and as long as it concerns me you are never going to have to see him again. I want to help and I'm not giving up on you. I know for a fact that you still have it in you to go back to normal and I know you will. And I can promise you that if you let me in and talk to me is going to be much more easier for you"

After that I just started crying and stoped fighting him. Becuse no matter what Curtis said I knew I wasn't ever going to be ok. But for right now, he hugging me felt good. And deep inside of me I new he was right. I was going to tell him something but being held like that with him still saying kind and soothing things to me just made me fall back into a much needed sleep.

I woke up with a constant beeping next to me, but I didn't open my eyes. I remembered all that happened and I didn't want to overthink about it. When Curtis started moving a few minutes later I opened my eyes and sat up, looking at him and preparing myself for what I was going to do.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up, you need the sleep. Why don't you go back to sleep and I'll come back later today to check on you" 

When I didn't say anything and kept looking down at my hands he let out a sigh and stood up. Again his hand lingered on the bed for a few moment but unlike last time, I did reach out and hold it. 

"Don't leave"

I said in a small raspy whispe that I could barely hear. I hadn't talked in months and it felt weird to do it but it also felt nice.

"Please. Don't leave"

******
Lucas' mom

 

 

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