Learning To Love

How can you love when you are afraid of being touched?
How can you touch when you've been touched so many times before?
How can someone do something like that to a kid?
How can someone do something like that to his own son?
Lucas Heather has one of the worst pasts ever
He didn't share it
Didn't talk about it
But still...
Everyone knew what happened


4. Chap. 4

Curtis was frozen for a moment before he finally woke out of his daze and hugged me back, but I didn't notice that's what he was trying to, so I moved away and covered my head with my hand, trying to block the punch that I knew wasn't coming

He had the chance of hurting me before, and didn't. So why would he do it now? I had to stop doing that. He wanted to help me, and make me feel better, he was trying to comfort me

NO he wasn't, he wanted to hit you, like you should be hit. You have broke a ton of rules and haven't been punished yet. You don't deserve to feel safe, you deserve to be on the same hell hole you were at. You are nothing, and should be treated like that, you don't deserve anything that they are doing for you. After all you've done, you have to pay. And you will, by spending the rest in your life  in pain.

The words dad told me one day flooted to my mind, he was right. I didn't have the right to any of this.He had told me so. And he has never lied to me

"Lucas, what's wrong?" Curtis asked when I finally took my hands out of my face "You don't have to do that, I don't want to hurt you"

But you should

"Listen, I don't know what your dad said to you, but you don't have to listen to him anymore, he is not your owner, he can't tell you not to talk or force you to do anything"

But he has

"And I know he has done it, and I'm sorry we couldn't stop it sooner, I really am. And I know your mom also blames herself for not doing something and just standing there. But all that is going to change. Lucas your dad is going to jail, we are gonna make sure he never comes back and never hurts you again. Your mom just got free today, wich means she is clear and will be here to see you as soon as she can. And we are gonna fix you, we are going to erase all the thing your dad told, all the things he did to you, and all the things he made you belive you were. And I can promise you something, he is never, and I mean never, going to keep you from doing anything."

I was speechless, nobody had never put it that way before, my dad "friends" had always said he was right. Curtis was the first person ever on saying that I could do whatever I wanted, and the first perso on giving me a choice.

A choice on what I wanna do and what I don't, without it having concequences later

He was the first person ever in saying that I was going to be okey.

The first person I felt safe with.

Before I had the chance of saying anything or backing away, I felt a hand rest on the side of my head. I closed my eyes, waiting for it to hurt. But when instead of that, came the feeling of it pleacently rubbing against my short hair, making me feel... good

I felt the urge of leaning into Curtis hand, it had been years since the last time somebody had actually made me feel good. And to be honest, I wanted to stay like that. Me lying down on the bed and Curtis sitting next to me rubbing my head. But it can't always last.

"I gotta go now, but call me if you need me, just press the button on the wall"

He looked like he wanted to stay but thought better of it and decided to give me space, backing away. As his hand lingered on the bed for a couple of seconds, I felt the need of reaching for it and asking him to stay, but I didn't. I let him walk away.

I couldn't do that. Dad would hear. And all hell would break if he knew that not only did I talked, but also asked somebody for comfort, somebody who was gonna put him in jail.

If he ever found out, I would be dead

I needed to get a grip, I needed to see him, for him to remember me why was it so wrong

Because in all  honesty...  it felt really good

But it was bad

It wasn't supposed to happen

I wasn't the one who was supposed to feel good, it was the other way around

Wich meant... That I was going to have to get away from Curtis

Before my dad finds out



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