Learning To Love

How can you love when you are afraid of being touched? How can you touch when you've been touched so many times before? How can someone do something like that to a kid? How can someone do something like that to his own son? Lucas Heather has one of the worst pasts ever He didn't share it Didn't talk about it But still... Everyone knew what happened

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1. Chap. 1

I didn't sleep in the hole night, I couldn't
He was always in my mind
After he left yesterday it was 4:00 in the morning, I couldn't sleep and was too sore to move and get up to go to the bathroom, so i just stayed there, keeping still, waiting for him to woke up and see if he was going to leave me alone or... do it again
All thought went out of my mind when my dad walked into the room that morning
He came to my bed, the only thing that was in my room beside the door to the bathroom, even though it only consisted of an old mattress with no sheets on it and a big stain of blood in the middle of it
He kneeled in front of it and started to brush the hair out of my eyes, which were probably surrounded by big purple bags giving away that I hadn't slept in months, I flinched away from his touch and whimpered, afraid he would do it again but it was washed away when he said 
'I got to get to work or else im going to be late but I might get home a little earlier today, and we could have some fun' 
Fun that was how he always called it
He kissed my lips before getting up and out of my room, leaving me with a shock expression and my eyes watering
I stayed in bed all day trying to calm down the thoughts that were flooding in my mind, when my bedroom door opened I almost screamed but shut my mouth when I saw my mom standing there looking disgusted like always
'Come eat something before your father gets home'
After saying that she just left
I slowly crawled out of bed and hissed in pain when I was about to stand upright
Not wanting to take too long and make her regret to actually fed me I made my way to the bathroom and opened the door
The moment my eyes landed on the reflection in the mirror my eyes watered, but I couldn't take them away
I had a black eye, a busted lip and a path of blood that went all the wy down my chin
Not to mention all the bruises forming in my body and all the old ones that were already there
I ignored it and went down stairs and into the kitchen
I sat in the counter and stared at the plate in front of me which consisted of only a slice of bread
I watched as my mom eat her much larger than mine lunch and started taking small bites from the slice of bread, not wanting my dad to get here while I was still down here but stoped when I felt a string of pain going through my throat 
I couldn't swallow 
I just couldn't
I waited unfil it went away before picking up another small piece of bread
But my hand was left middle way when I heard the front door open and shut
It was him
I went to got up and go upstairs but stopped when I felt a hand gripped my shoulder dangerously hard
'Can I ask what THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING DOWN HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!?!'
He screamed so hard into my ear that it took me a few momento to realize what was happening but it was too late and I found myself landing hard against the floor and hitting my head with the counter
Then i felt it
The pieces of what it used to be a dish exploding in the floor
I started crying not being able to holding the tears back
'YOU IDIOT! LOOK AT ALL THE MESS YOU MADE! YOU ARE JUST A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT WHO WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE BORN! EVERYTHING WOULD BE MUCH EASIER IF YOU WEREN'T HERE! I SHOULD HAVE PUSHED YOUR MOTHER DOWN THE STAIRS WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE!'
He pulled me up by my hair and hold me so that my feet barely touched the floor making my hair the only thing that kept me standing
'YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT UP BEFORE I SHOVE IT ALL UP YOUR ASS DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!'
I nodded violently as he dropped me to the floor and started picking up the pieces putting them all in one of my hands
Before I threw them out he said
'Wait. You are learning a lesson. Come here' I made my way to him still holding all the glass in my hand 
He put his hand over mine and forced me to pull it shut making all the glass stuck inside my skin
I let out a cry of pain and he slapped me with his free hand leaving a stinging there too
'you don't ever do this mess again and in case you haven't already guess you do not come out of your room when I'm here unless i ask you to do it, understand me?'
I nodded eagerly trying to break free from his death grip
'go upstairs and wait for me there'
i got up and sprinted upatairs not wanting to make him more upset than what he already was
Why did this had to happened?
Why does it has to be me?
I started crying knowing what was going to happened next
Even when my bedroom door opened i just kept still waiting
And then i felt it
All my clothes trying to be ripped off of me again
Sometimes it's not worth to fight it anymore
Even when i felt him get inside of me
or when i felt like my insides where being split into two
I didn't trashed around nor moved

I woke up when I realized that someone was shacking me awake
At first I was scared but when I reconised Curtis I calmed down
'Hey, it's OK you are alright it was just a nightmare it's OK'
Just a nightmare that's how everyone described it
Like something that is inside your head but for me.. it felt real
Probably because it was

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