Secrets Behind Closed Doors (Lashton)

LUKE: I've never thought about it before. But I think I'm getting feelings for ashton. Am I gay? ASHTON: I've been keeping this secret for years. It's not the easiest thing for the whole school to find out you're gay. That's why I haven't told anyone. "No one will ever no about this" "A secret behind closed doors"


13. Chapter 13

Ashton's POV

The past 2 weeks I've been thinking, really really hard. I've sat alone at the same spot me and Luke sit although he hasn't been at school since he found out. His phones off and I'm too afraid to go back to his house without knowing for sure what the hell I want. For fucks sake I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I want Luke. I've never wanted anyone else more. I guess Calum sort of left me alone with Michael and I just. Well that's the problem. I don't know what I was thinking. Calum and Michael have both tried to talk to me but I've been making sore excuses like "yeah I've been busy with homework and stuff" they clearly know something is up. They walk in to the cafeteria and head towards me. 'Quick think of an excuse' I mentally yell.

"Hey Ashton" Calum says. "Hey ashy" Michael winks and they both sit down. "Listen Ashton I've been thinking. What if I moved in with you and mum? My rooms still there is it or is it not?" He asks as he shoves the shitty fries they serve into his gob. "Well yeah but uh-" "what?" Calum interrupts. "Well Luke's been staying there and his stuff is there still" I Mumble quietly at the thought of Luke. "Just throw his shit out, you guys aren't friends anymore right?" He states and I can picture him thinking of how great it is that Luke is miserable. Me on the other hand, can't handle the thought of it. "Calum this is your fault. You set me up!" I told him on a bitter tone. "Did I tell you to make out with Michael? Did I tell Luke's dad to walk in? Nope. Therefore I had nothing to do with it." Calum remarked and he was right. That was my choice. Michael smirked, "Ashton clearly chose that himself" he laughed. "Well I regret it, I have more feelings for Luke then I do for the both of you combined and that's a lot considering your my brother and your my ex boyfriend." I yell and get up.

*1 weekend of hard thinking*

Ashton's POV.

It's Monday and I'm skipping school to go to Luke's. Whether his dad's there or not.

I show up at the door and I get cold feet. I raise my hand to knock but pull it back down. I turn around and begin to walk away. "Oi you" a female voice yells and I turn around to see Luke's sister. "Luke hasn't moved from his bed since that night, except of course when he goes to the bathroom. He starts running the shower water but he never hops in. Instead he just sits against the bathroom door cutting until I run in and force him to stop. It's that or his laying on his bed crying. He hasn't ate at all and usually after I go in his room hell lock the door and won't come out. I don't know if you can fix this but you have to try."

I walk inside about to start balling thinking of Luke's pain. Surprisingly the door is open and I hear Luke pissing in the bathroom. I go into Luke's room and hide in his cupboard. He shut the door locks it and walks in crying. He had messy hair, pimples and the same clothes he was wearing 2 weeks ago. Plus his eyes are faded grey, but he still looks perfect to me. As he lays down face into his pillow I silently emerge from the cupboard picking up his acoustic and sitting down at his desk chair. I start playing thinking out loud and singing it to him. He turns around and sees me and immediately brushes his eyes to check whether he's hallucinating. He closes his eye but I can tell he's awake so I continue to play.

People fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand, well me I fall in love with you every single day, I just want to tell you I am,

It gets to the last chorus

So baby now, take me into your loving arms, kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, oh darling, place your head on my beating heart, I'm thinking out loud, maybe we found love right were we are and maybe we found love right where we are ,


(I walk while I sing and sit on the bed)

We found love... Right-where we are.

I observe his face as I put the guitar down. He sits up and stares into my eyes. He looks very sick, you can tell he hasn't ate. He doesn't say a word but just stares blankly. "I'm-sorry" I stutter as I feel tears. 'Im not going to let them out' I mentally scold. Luke stays the same just staring at me with an unreadable expression. I drift down to his arms. I don't want to describe what I saw but it looked like his whole arm had been scribbled with red pen, but this, this wasn't red pen because there was ones that still had small amounts of blood. They must've been only hours old. The tears just came like a flood. Luke pulled the blanket up over his arms. "Luke I- I- just don't- know- how to say- that I'm sorry-" I fumble out. His expression remains blank. I'm not going to get anything out of him and I'm just causing him more pain. I put my head in my hands. I feel his hand touch my back. I look at him and he muffled his chin into my shoulder. "Ashton, even though I feel betrayed, I know that I can't live without you, I'm dying without you, but I'm not the only one-" "Luke you are the only one, forever and always, I'm never going to let go of you again" I whisper as I pull him into a hug. I grab his wrist and look at his scars. His face drops as he pulls his arm out of view. "Luke you shouldn't have-" "I know. But I was so hurt and so alone." He cut me off. "How much did you do this" I asked scared of the answer. "Twice- twice a day- for- for 2 weeks" he stuttered out. "I will kiss every single one of these" I told him. I kissed his arms all over. I hugged him and got under the sheets as we fell asleep. It's moments like these when you hold the one you love in your arms, that your realise how precious they are. You could die the happiest person if you had them in your arms.

You never want to let go.


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