my mother told me to never drive when j was upset, but i had to get home before the grey sky turned dark.
then i would really be screwed.
i tried to stop crying so i could see the road, but i couldn't and so my vision was blurred the whole time.
when i got home, i pulled into my driveway, and it started snowing. first softly, but it didn't take long to come down harder.
i got out of my car and sat in a little chair formation before falling on my bottom and wrapping my arms around myself.
snow got caught on me; in my hair, my jacket, my tear wetted face. but i didn't care.
i didn't think i would care, loosing luke. but it was hurting me so much. and i couldn't figure out why.
so i sat there in the biting cold, with my head burried, crying over luke.
"carly?" i heard my mom call. "Carly are you okay?" i heard footsteps crunch in the snow as they approached me.
"I'm fine." i whispered. what a lie.
"come inside, its really cold out here."
"no." i wanted to stat out here, when i was numb. when i warmed up, i would start crying again because i wouldn't be pre-occupied with the cold.
"come on, give me your hand." i sighed and sniffed before reaching out my hand and giving it to my mother.
she pulled me up and looked at me.
"you look aweful! what happened? you have thin layers of ice on your face!" oh, well i guess i didn't notice. i couldn't feel it.
"nothing." i just slowly walked inside with numb legs.
i walked straight up to my bedroom and took off my jacket. then i reached for my phone in my pocket; the metal was so cold.
i unlocked it and texted luke.
me: wanna know what I've been doing?
crying in the cold for a long time. thanks alot.
luke: its your fault
me: my fault?
luke: yeah now stop texting me
i didn't argue, the phone slipped out of my hand anyway. he can seriously be blaming me for not having feelings towards me, can he? that seems shallow, but still, it hurt loosing him.
i thought i was gonna text Michael when i got home, but now i just want to be alone. i cant believe i lost luke. maybe it really is my fault.
i kicked off my shoes and crawled under the covers, trying to hide myself. i was starting to cry and i didn't want to, but i was. crying over Luke hemmings.
i felt pathetic and week, especially when i thought about the times we spent together. i remembered him smiling at me, and it pained me even more. then i remembered how hurt he looked when we were talking about Michael.
him leaving was playing over and over in my mind. his words bounced around in my skull, "then i guess were not friends anymore."
it was getting really hot under the covers, but i didn't move. i just sat and cried over a boy i didn't even go out with.