Day 88 – 3 days left.
I’m currently lying in my bunk in the bus. The rest are out for the night, but I just couldn’t seem to find the strength to pull myself away from here. The boys don’t know what to do, they’re really concerned about me. But there’s no need to be concerned. It’s not like I’m depressed or sad. I just… I just can’t seem to find the light in all the things that are going on around me. It’s insane, since I’m living out my dream. I just think that I could really use some time apart. Away from the boys, away from the growing fame, away from everything.
I’ve been dreaming again. Nothing special, I was just walking down the beach all by myself, as the sound of the waves crashing softly, made me smile. It was a strange dream. It felt like someone was with me, but I was all alone on the beach. I think I’m going mental, but hey, at least I’ll be something then. Right?
It’s currently 11pm, and as I mentioned above, the boys are out partying. It wasn’t like they didn’t ask, they did, they just didn’t want to bother me more, so they took my second no, as an answer and left, saying that if I needed them, I could always reach them through their phone. I had smiled, reminding them that I knew, and told them to have a good time and to stop worrying about me.
It’s not like I’m dying. I just feel.. Nothing, really? I mean, that’s not true, I am happy when I’m on stage, but I still have to drag myself up there. But when I’m finally done, I always thank myself for actually doing it. It’s like working out; you don’t want to, but you love yourself for it afterwards.
I would just wish I knew what was going on. That I knew how to fix myself, how to pull myself up from this hole that I’ve ended up in. But I don’t. I have no clue about what to do. I’m lost. Lost and confused. I never imagined that you could feel this way?
I know I should stop the self-pity, that I should just man up and realize that I’ve just been acting stupid and move on. But I just can’t for some reason. I need air. I need something stable I think, something that won’t change, even when I leave for tour. I need something to keep me grounded, something to remind me of why I am doing this, when I have forgotten it myself.
I need someone…
I’m lonely I think. I know I have the boys, but it’s just not the same. Maybe I’m just acting crazy. I can’t bring a girl into this, into my lifestyle. I wouldn’t be able to live with it, knowing that she would be at home, doing normal stuff while I am travelling the world, living out my dream.
No, I can defiantly not bring a girl into this. Plus, I haven’t even met anyone who could take my breath away. I’ve always imagined meeting the love of my life randomly. I don’t know. Really, I’ve no idea what’s going through my head at the moment.
I’m independent, I don’t need a girl. All I need is my fans, the boys and my guitar. And yet… If that is all I need, why do I feel the way I do? If my life is so great, why do I feel like I’m drowning? Why do I feel like I need a break? Why do I have this feeling inside, or this voice in my head that keeps screaming at me to get away for a while. To go somewhere peaceful and beautiful. To do something I’ve never ever thought about doing. Something spontaneous and absolutely crazy?
Whatever this is, I really hope it will be over soon. I can’t take it anymore. Please let it be over…”
He looked at the small notebook and sighed heavily. Deep inside he knew what he had to do, he was just scared. Scared of the response from the boys, scared of the responds from the fans, but mostly, he was scared that it wouldn’t work. That he would still be feeling this way when he got back. He sighed as he hid the notebook under his pillow. He ruffled his hair a bit, and tucked himself underneath the covers as he drifted off to a night full of peaceful and longing dreams.
Day 5 South Africa – Argentina – Chile – Peru – Brazil.
Wow, the past few days have been crazy! I’ve been flying across South America for about two days now. I left the beautiful South Africa at 10pm on day three, then had a 10 hour and 30 minute flight to Argentina where I landed at 8.32am. It was crazy, and I had barely slept on the plane. I was exhausted! But I caught up on my lack of sleep in the four hours I had to wait for my plane to Chile.
It was weird, sleeping in an airport, but I knew that the first couple of days were going to be hectic. I still haven’t recovered from the amount of adrenaline I got from the cage diving! It was absolutely insane. The sharks were so close that if I had reached my hand out of the cage, I could have touched them! I can’t get seem to get over the fact, that I was in the ocean, with sharks swimming right past my face! I had my camera with me down, and I got some incredible shots of the sharks! Man, it was really something.
It was scary at first, I mean, I have read a couple of articles of a shark biting the cage in half, but nothing happened. It just swam around the cage, trying to catch the things the sailors had thrown out to catch their attention. Man, what an experience! I can’t forget how close they came. One by one, they tried to catch whatever it was the sailors threw out.
South Africa is amazing. When I came back from the cage diving, I quickly found a place to eat and then I went out to explore the city I was staying in. Everyone was so nice and welcoming! The locals were always smiling and laughing. I found a small tourist shop where I bought a couple of postcards. I have promised mom to send her a postcard from every place I go. But I’ve got something in mind for myself too. But that’s a secret.
Rio de Janeiro is beautiful, and the people are so welcoming here. I have to admit that I’d be pretty pissed too if it hadn’t been, thinking about the fact that I sat in a plane of a total of 18 hours and 47 minutes just to get here. Well, I kinda chose that. Since I had a stopover in Argentina, Chile and Peru, but hey, that doesn’t matter! I’m here, and I couldn’t be happier.
I cannot wait to go explore this place, it sounds so incredible and beautiful and… Sigh, I’m finally doing it, aren’t I? Adventure, exploring, living out my dream. This is all I’ve ever wanted. All I’ll ever want. When I get back, it doesn’t matter how much my life will suck, because I’ve lived out my dream. I’ve lived and I’ve memories that will stay with me ‘till the day I no longer have my legs planted on this earth.
It’s amazing. I can’t wait to share my journey with everyone once I get back home. Oh well, it’s close to dinner time, so I think I’ll go grab some food and go explore the busy streets of Rio de Janeiro. It’s going to be the most exciting thing I’ve ever done. Let the journey begin!”
She smiled as she but her diary down and sighed softly. She grabbed her bag and locked the door behind her, walking onto the streets of Rio de Janeiro with a small smile on her face.
Meanwhile, he was tumbling through the airport, lost and confused. He had been in so many airports, but never alone. He had always had someone with him, whether it was the boys, the management or his mom. But this time, he was all alone.
He found his suitcase, and tried to remain calm. He had to remind himself countless times that no one beside his mom and the boys knew where he was going. The fans thought that they were just taking a well-deserved break with their families, but here he was, stumbling through an airport in Rio de Janeiro Brazil.
If you asked him why he chose Brazil, he would answer that he didn’t know. That he just needed to go somewhere he had never been before, and that was far away from everything he knew. Plus, he had always wanted to see Rio de Janeiro, so it seemed to him like the obvious choice.
But now that he was there, he felt himself doubting his decision. Was leaving really what he needed? Or did he just need some family time? He knew he had to stop doubting himself. He was there, and he was going to get the best out of it. He walked through the airport and outside.
It was pouring down outside. He sighed as he started walking down the street. He didn’t know where he was going, he had been so obsessed with getting away that he had forgotten to book a place to stay. He had cursed himself to death the whole plane ride but had decided to figure it out when he got there.
She was laughing and smiling as she walked around in the rain, feeling the raindrops hit her hair as she slowly made her way down the streets of Rio de Janeiro, her camera in her hands. She took pictures of the local shops and was smiling when locals walked past, or said hi. She loved every minute of what she was doing. He wasn’t. He was tired, jet lacked and wet, and not to talk about hungry! He hadn’t eaten since he left the boys since he was sleeping when the airplane food was being handed out.
Everything was miserable. That was his statement. He was miserable and all he wanted was to take a warm shower and cuddle up somewhere warm and cozy. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the girl that was standing right in front of him, before he stumbled into her, making her almost drop her camera. He looked up and caught sight of a dripping wet girl with a shocked expression spread across her face. He quickly apologized. Apparently he hadn’t lost his manners completely. The girl looked at him anger in her eyes at first, but when she saw the sadness and miserableness in his eyes, she stopped herself from yelling at him. Instead she smiled a little.
“It’s okay, no worries.” She said loudly as the rain was pouring down, making it hard for anyone to hear what was being said. He smiled back a little.
“Hey, now where I have caught your attention, you don’t happen to know where I can find some shelter do you?” He asked, hoping she would give him a yes. Instead she shook her head no. He sighed. Not exactly the answer he had hoped for.
“Don’t you have a place to stay?” She asked him, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to gain some warm since she was only dressed in a loose black shirt and a pair of shorts. He shook his head, water drops flying everywhere from the quiff that was now ruined by the rain.
She felt sorry for the poor guy. He couldn’t be much older than herself, maybe a year or a half from what she could see. He was tall and his body was covered in all black. As he looked away, she saw him play with the lip ring. He cleared his throat, making her look up at his blue eyes.
“Well, I’m sorry for bumping into you..” He mumbled, he smiled a small smile, said bye and continued down the street. She was debating with herself. He looked like all he needed was a hug and a warm shower. He looked tired, like he had been sitting in an airplane for hours, only to come here and find out that he had no place to stay.
He wasn’t from Brazil, she could tell by the accent. She had the same one herself. He was an Aussie. But not from the same area as herself. She sighed as she came to an conclusion; she couldn’t let him wander the streets without somewhere to stay. Without a second thought she did what came into her mind as the first thing.
“Hey! You, the guy in the black hoodie!” She yelled on the top of her lungs. She started walking towards him. He snapped his head around, only to see the girl from behind, walking towards him. He sighed, he really wasn’t in the mood to get a lecture about making sure you have a place to stay when you travel. But he wasn’t used to it. It was never him who booked the hotel rooms when they went on tour. She reached him after a small run. She smiled at him, and he returned the favor, only out of politeness.
“I know somewhere you can stay. At least for a couple of days since I’m leaving again soon.” She stated, looking at him, waiting for him to answer. He was stunned. Did she just offer him to sleep at her hotel room? He didn’t know whether to accept or not. He didn’t trust her, but something about the way she smiled, made him think that she was only trying to help.
The tiredness, hunger and the feeling of being lost, got to him. Before he got the chance to think, he had already accepted her offer, thinking that it was impossible for it to be a bad decision. She smiled. It wasn’t really meant to come out of her mouth, but it just slipped.
“Can I take a picture of you?” She asked. She realized how stupid it sounded, but he looked so unique standing there. All the emotions in his face seemed so real. She had been taking pictures of the locals all day since she arrived, and she just thought that he would be a great twist to the collection. She feared that he would get offended, but instead he just smiled and nodded, being used to the question.
She smiled and captured the moment of the lost and confused boy in a series of pictures, showing from different angles. She had absolutely no idea who he was, and he was more and happy for that. It gave him the chance to get to know her, without her knowing who he really was. He was afraid that, if she knew who he was, she would take advantage of it. What he didn’t know was, that she wasn’t that kind of girl.
She smiled and thanked him. She told him to follow her as they walked down the streets. She suddenly grabbed the backpack from his shoulders, and swung it over her own, trying her best to help the lost boy. He smiled down at her, hands in his pockets as they finally arrived back at the bed-and-breakfast place both of them was going to staying at now.
He had never stayed at a place like this, he was used to fancy hotel rooms. But he liked it. He liked the feeling of not spending money on a big room when you could get something just as great just a lot cheaper. As they stepped into the room, she placed her camera on her still unzipped suitcase and turned to look at him. He was looking around, admiring the decorations on the walls.
“You should go take a shower so you don’t get sick, towels are already in there. You can use my shampoo and conditioner, they are already in there.” She said with a small smile as she opened her suitcase and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.
He thanked her with a smile as he pulled out pair of sweats himself and his favorite t-shirt. He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he heard soft music coming from the other room. Nothing special, just soft music without any lyrics.
As miserable as he had felt the past few hours, he was thankful that he had bumped into this girl, whose name he had yet to learn. He smiled as the warm water hit his face, warming it up. Maybe this trip wasn’t as bad as he had thought after all.
Hey guys! thank you so much for reading my story, and if you liked it please press like and let me now what you think in the comments below! Thank you! xoxo