-Dude, what the fuck are you doing?-I asked him as soon as we were alone in the kitchen, trying to keep my voice down.
I almost dragged him inside the kitchen when I saw him making a move on Y/N. I didn’t want to walk up to them and tell him to fuck away from her in front of her, because she’d probably get upset, so I stood near, waiting for him to notice me, but she was the one to notice me first. She’d usually look at me if she saw me looking at her, and give me a weird smile or a glare or anything, but now she just looked at Jake and told him I was there, which pissed me off even more. Who the fuck was he to interfere? Once we were in the kitchen, I was facing the wall and he stood near the door, probably waiting to get over to her as soon as possible once we’re done. He frowned when I asked him that, as if not realizing what I was talking about. He couldn’t play stupid with me, who did he think I was? I saw exactly what he was doing with her, he was undressing her with his eyes, hoping she’d get drunk and let him do her. I knew her better than that, she wasn’t naive at all, she wouldn’t fall for dumb tricks. Not his, anyway.
-What, mate?-he shook his head and smiled at me cockily, he was so full of himself.
-We had an agreement.-I told him harshly.-What the fuck was all that about?
-What, Y/N?-he crossed his arms over his chest, and he always did that when he was defending himself.
-Yeah, her.-I backed away, resisting the urge to smack him across the face for trying to play dumb with me.
-Listen, Niall, we talked about this. You said you were okay with it the other day when she came to the frat thing, and now all of a sudden you’re not. You can’t do that.-he turned his back on the counter and then propped himself up on his palms and sat on it.-You made up your mind and told me to go for it, and I’ve made my move on her already, she came here tonight because I invited her. Do you know that? She’s here because of me, mate. I don’t know where the problem is. You said it was okay, she obviously doesn’t have a problem with that, either. We’re all good.
I turned my back on him and bit my lips so hard I thought it was going to bleed. Son of a bitch. After Y/N kicked me out of that bedroom like I was shit, I ran downstairs, hoping to get out of there before I ran into Jake, but he was right near the stairs. Just my fucking luck. Jake asked me what I was doing with her in that room and he looked upset about it. I knew she wouldn’t want people to know what happened, especially after it was all over, so I lied. I lied for her. I told him I went upstairs to talk to her about us, to see how she feels. I told him we both said it was just about sex, so we decided to stop seeing each other. That’s what I said. I didn’t tell him we had sex, I didn’t tell her I left her there crying, I didn’t tell him she kicked me out. But I told him I’d appreciate it if he stayed away from her and he tried to find out why, but I just told him I didn’t want her to be with any of my friends, which was true. If Jake came to school one day and started talking about the sex he had the previous night with her, and all the ways he made her come, I think I’d throw up instantly. I don’t know why I was feeling that way, but I was. She was mine, she was marked, he’s my friend and he’s just not gonna have her. It can’t happen, no. I refuse that.
He’s my friend, he’s gonna respect my wishes, that’s what I thought. But no, the little fucker used every chance he got to talk to her. I saw him talking to her around the school and I didn’t say anything because I thought he was just being nice. Then he walked her to the bus stop and I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown, but I kept my cool. But now he’s crossed the line. First of all, he invited her to my birthday party, not that I care about birthdays. Mine was in two days, but we all decided to celebrate together, so we met halfway, I didn’t even want a celebration in the first place, but Jake made me do it, thinking I’d hook up with someone here. That’s why he brought Y/N here, I knew that. That was his plan all along. He got her here and he wanted her to see me hooking up with someone else, so that he could look like the good guy and blame it all on me. Like, you see, there’s Niall fucking some girl, now you can fuck me. Over my fucking dead body he would. The thing is, he didn’t know I’ve already blown it all, so she wouldn’t even twitch if she saw me with someone else. Yes, it was over, but he still couldn’t have her. Not then, not ever.
I just wanted to tell him I’ve fucked her that day on the bed he was hoping to fuck her in. I got to touch her and he didn’t. I got to make her come and moan my name while he was out there, in front of the door, standing there like a cunt. Didn’t he realize that me and her enjoyed sex with each other too much to give it up? She didn’t need him for sex, she had me for that.
-I think I’ve told you to back off.-I hissed at him.
-Niall, don’t be a dick. I want this girl, I want her.-he walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder.-It’s not about sex, she’s got something special about her and that’s why I want her.
-You don’t know her, you just think you do, you’ve never talked to her, you don’t know shit about Y/N, so stop with the act, okay? Spare me the sentimental bullshit.-I snorted, not caring if he got offended.-All you want to do with her is to get into her pants, and you’re not gonna do that.
He chuckled in a rude way and glared at me.
-Niall, listen to yourself. You’re the one who fucked her for fun, not me.-he shook his head and smiled.-Like, everyone knows it. She knows it, that’s why you guys aren’t talking anymore. You used her and got tired of her, okay, I’m cool with that. But it’s a dick move not to let me date her when you don’t want anything from her. You’ve fucked her, now it’s my turn.
I almost smacked him in the face, my fist clenched and I was ready to hit him, but I stopped myself. He was my best friend, I couldn’t hit him.
-Okay, yeah, I did that. But I don’t want her to get with you, just accept that, mate.
-I can’t. Give me one reason and I’ll back off.-he shrugged.
-Give me one reason for you and her to be together.-I hissed, not wanting to hear it.
-I can make her happy. I can make her feel loved. She’d know she wasn’t just a sex toy if she was with me.-he smiled confidently.-Are those reasons good enough?
-No. I’m still your friend, and she’s someone I fucked, so no, you can’t do it.-I shook my head, determined not to let him win her over.
-She’s someone you fucked, that’s all, but she is someone I could have feelings for. You wouldn’t understand, okay?-he rolled his eyes, which made me even more agitated with him.
He was just pushing his luck and I was on the verge of hitting him ever since I saw her walking in here because he invited her.
-Fuck off, you’re crossing the line.
-Tell me why you want her. Do you want her?
-Yeah.-I finally admitted.-I wanna fuck her, and without you in the picture, I could get her into that again. But when she knows you’re there for her with all your feelings and shit, she won’t wanna have sex with me when she can have both sex and feelings from you, okay?
-Shit.-he yelled, and his face frowned.-Why don’t you tell me these things? I didn’t know you cared.
-No!-I yelled a lot louder than I should have.-I don’t care, I just don’t want her not to care, if that makes sense. There’s no feelings here, okay?
-Well, there’s feelings from my side, so I’m gonna go for it. I can give her more than you ever will. You’re the guy who can’t even hug her in public because you’re too scared of feelings.-he shook his head, as if to say I was stupid for acting like that.-Grow the fuck up, Niall, that was cool when we were 15, it’s time to start acting like normal people. Having feelings is okay. You can’t go around fucking people for the rest of your life, you’re not gonna get anything from it.
-Yes, I will, if you fuck away from her. You can have anyone else I’ve ever hooked up.
-No, I want her. Listen, we’ll just let her decide.-he spread his arms out and shrugged confidently.
That was the fair thing to do, but we both knew that it was over between me and her, so she’d choose him. How the fuck was I supposed to let her decide when she gave up on me already? Of course she was gonna choose him. He was the nice guy. I put my face in my palms for a second and sighed. Just imagining him doing it with her made me want to vomit.
-Fine, whatever, just don’t even touch her in front of me.-I glared at him.-Or there will be hell.
-Does it count if she touches me?-he smiled cockily and I just walked out and slammed the door behind me, hoping it falls off and lands down on his face.
I fucking hate birthday parties. All the bitches get drunk because the booze is free, everyone’s having sex around you, people are drunk as fuck, puking and falling down and if you’re not drunk, you can’t have any fun. Some guys and girls were playing beer pong and I thought of joining them, but when I saw the state they were in, I decided to pass out on the offer.
Y/N’s friend or whatever the fuck he was to her, the one that hit me, was standing near the door, talking to some guy and she was nowhere near him. I wondered how that was possible, since he’s been around her non stop, probably thinking he’d get to hit me again if I walked over to her. I hoped he would try to do that, just so I can beat the shit out of him. He had it coming, he was the one who hit me first. Besides, what the hell was he doing around her 24/7? He let Jake talk to her, but whenever I was around, he got stuck to her like glue. Fucking wanker.
I looked around, but I couldn’t find Y/N anywhere, so I presumed she went home, but then I remembered I haven’t seen Jake in quite a while, too. I walked around the entire floor looking around for them, but they were nowhere to be seen, so I headed up and crashed into bedrooms, but they weren’t there either. He probably took her home in that car of his and he was probably thinking she’s gonna let him touch her. I don’t know why, but imagining him touching her made my insides turn.
I walked down the stairs feeling defeated for letting him take her away from me when I spotted Connor. He was trying to chat some girl up, but she wasn’t really interested, probably because he wasn’t in the team, he spent most of his time on the bench. If he was in the team, this bitch would be sucking him off as we speak. Women and their stupid logic.
-Connor, come on, let’s grab a beer.-I pulled him by his sleeve and she rolled her eyes at me.
-Man, I’m kind of in the middle of something here.-he looked over at her.
-Dude, there’s not a person at this party who hasn’t fucked this slut, she’d be a downgrade from your right hand, and that says a lot about a girl, okay?-I shook my head and laughed, pulling him with me.
-First of all, Niall, I’m a lefty.-he chuckled, too. He was a good kid, I hoped he wouldn’t become an asshole with time, but judging by the fact that he was hanging out with us, he would.-Where are we going?
-Outside to sit.-I told him.
-We don’t wanna interrupt Jake, man.-he stopped me.-He’s out there with that chick.
-The one I sit in English with?-I grabbed him by the shirt again.
-Yeah, I think so.-he nodded.
-Okay, we’re going out there, too, grab a beer, this is gonna be great.-I rubbed my hands together and smiled. The fucker was gonna go down now.
Connor was right, Jake and Y/N were indeed sitting at the porch talking about some girly shit, probably. He always did that when it came to girls and I found it disgusting. Like he’d pretend he’s a good guy, that he understands, he’d talk about movies and shit like that, even worse, he would talk about fucking feelings, man. I may be an ass, but at least I don’t lie to them. I tell them how it’s gonna be straight up, I give them a warning and they choose whether they want it like that or not. He pretends he’s a good guy and that he loves them and he’s there for them and then all of a sudden, he ditches them. That’s a lot worse if you ask me.
I knew she’d fall for him, he was the guy she needed, but he wasn’t the relationship type of guy either, at least he wasn’t until now and I didn’t want her to be the one to change that. Jake could act like this for a month, maybe two, but he couldn’t fuck the same girl over and over again, either. It’s just who we were, I guess, but he always wanted to give it a go with nice girls, like her. I never did that. I fucked girls like Jessie, the ones who knew there would be no feelings involved and I was happy with knowing I wasn’t like hurting them or anything, but with Y/N, it all changed. I knew I was hurting her, but I couldn’t stop it. How do I stop, you know? She’s too good for me, yeah, but I can’t get any closer to her, I don’t do that, but I don’t want to be her enemy either. I wish things were the same as before, but now Jake showed up out of nowhere and was trying to sweep her off her feet. There they were, sitting on the front porch, all alone.
His palm was on the floor behind her butt and I knew he was waiting for the right moment to wrap it around her hips as he kissed her, but that’s why I was there, to prevent it from happening. I yelled hi and sat down next to her, while Connor stood there like a cunt, scared of Jake’s reaction. He didn’t realize that Jake wouldn’t do shit about it because he had no right do say or do anything to us. I called dibs way back and I was the one who was supposed to be there with her, not him.
-Connor, man, sit down!-I told him in a harsh tone, not wanting him to back out of it.
-I think he’s in the middle of something with his, uh friend.-Connor spread his eyelids as much as he could, as if he was trying to make me see they were there to hook up.
-No worries about that, Y/N is a good friend of mine, so Jake knows when to keep his hands off.-I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and winked at her.
Connor haltingly sat down next to Jake, not sure if he’s gonna get yelled at for it, but Jake was too busy glaring at me to even notice him.
-Niall…-she pushed my hand off her shoulder and shook her head while sighing.
-Come on, Ni, don’t do this.-Jake gave me an evil glare, not realizing I didn’t give a single fuck about our agreement.-We talked about it.
-I don’t do deals about girls, you should know that since you’re my best friend.-I told him coldly.-And she’s my friend.
-You know what? I’m outta here.-Jake got up to his feet and looked at her.-Are you coming with me?
She looked at him, and then at me. Her eyes squirmed and her lips formed a thin line, showing me she wasn’t pleased with the situation at all. Then she returned her stare to him and got up slowly.
-You’re going with him?-I laughed.-You don’t really want to do that.
I shook my head at her and she just gave me a condemning look, not even bothering to say a thing to me.
-You know you’re better off with me.-I leaned back and propped myself on my elbows.-Your choice, can’t wait to see him fuck around with you and throw you away when he’s done.
Connor made a surprised face when I said that, thinking me and Jake were gonna fight about it.
-Niall, don’t.-he warned me.
Jake took her by the arm and walked off, leaving me and Connor there. Fucking cunt. He’s gonna get with her, that’s for sure. I can’t believe she chose him, though. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go, I had this whole thing planned out and now it’s ruined, Jake ruined it, and she ruined it.
I just sat there next to Connor who didn’t even say a fucking thing even though he had just seen Jake taking her away with him, after I’ve made it clear to everyone that she was my friend, not his. What the fuck do I do now? How do I go to bed when I know he’s gonna be all over her while I just lay there and do nothing? I hate being impotent. What was I supposed to do, just stand there and do nothing about it? I got up and pulled Connor up with me, telling him we’re gonna go get a drink.
It didn’t take me long to spot the two of them in the room. Jake was drinking like an idiot, I noticed him downing his beer like there’s no tomorrow. What I had said probably hit him, he was one of those pussies, so he needed to get drunk to get enough courage to make a move on her or to forget about the fact that there was still something between the two of us. It bothered him so much, and I didn’t really care about it. I’ve told him how I felt about her, and he was an idiot for even trying to get it on with her when he knew that I wanted her. You just don’t do that to a friend. She was standing next to him, sipping her drink slowly and I noticed she caught my gaze a few times, but she’d just flinch and turn away. She couldn’t even look at me anymore and I knew that me leaving after fucking her that night hurt her. I just couldn’t go up to her and tell her that. She’s not naive, she wouldn’t believe it, even though it was true. I never meant to hurt her, she’s the last person I’d want to hurt.
She seemed to be ill at ease next to him, because he was just drinking and talking some shit and she was nodding and looking around, but when she’d catch my stare, she’d wince and look at him again and it was so obvious she didn’t wanna be there. Jake was ignoring her needs, which meant he wouldn’t get with her that night, and I was ecstatic. If I couldn’t get her, neither would he, and that was a satisfying thought.
After a while, I moved among the crowd and talked to some people, but I couldn’t stop staring at them. I didn’t want to see them hooking up, but I wanted to see that at the same time. I didn’t want it to happen without me seeing it, but I was afraid of my reaction. And I wanted to make sure he doesn’t force her into anything. Who was I kidding? He was a great guy, he wouldn’t have to force her into anything. Girls want guys like Jake, they dig him. She’d probably have a great time with him, that was what bothered me the most.
-Hey, babe!-I felt Jessie’s arms wrap around me from behind me, pressing me hard into her chest, making me feel her boobs.
I turned around to face her and I couldn’t hide the disappointment because she wasn’t Y/N. It was stupid of me to expect her to come here and talk to me.
-Happy birthday!-she kissed my cheeks and I noticed how much perfume she had on.-Having fun?
-Yeah, lots.-I said coldly, wanting to get rid of her.
-Listen, I’ve got a present for you.-she smiled and cocked an eyebrow.
-Yeah? What is it?-I asked, knowing what she was going to say.
-I’ll show you when we’re alone.-she leaned in to whisper the next part.-It’s in my panties.
I chuckled, and she winked, thinking that shit was gonna work for me. It usually would, I’d use it, but I just couldn’t touch her anymore, not after knowing Jake is gonna be all over Y/N. I tried that last time and it felt weird, it was like getting myself off, I didn’t even notice her there and I didn’t want that kind of sex. I wanted the kind of sex I had with Y/N, but now Jake might be getting it and I was upset.
-Maybe later.-I lied.-Your friends are waiting.
-Sure thing, babe.-she winked.-See you later!
As soon as she walked away, I turned around to see where Y/N and Jake were, but I couldn’t find them. I saw that friend of hers talking to Connor, and she wasn’t around him, which was surprising. She couldn’t go to the bathroom without him and it pissed me off. He glared back at me and we just looked at each other for a while before I turned away to try to see if Y/N was around, but she really was nowhere to be found, and so was Jake. That meant one thing – they left together. They couldn’t have gone upstairs because they’d have to pass right next to me in order to get there, which could only mean that they went outside. Jake had a great car, he always used the back seat with girls. I swear, if he uses it with her, I’m gonna go over to his place and rip his throat out. The night was completely ruined once I realized they had left together. I drank another drink and went home, disappointed in everything that had happened that night. I wish I had something good to come home to, but no, there was nothing there, like usual. No food, no company, no friends. I was all alone, and I fucking hated it, but I also hated people in general, so there was no middle ground for me. I just had to accept the fact that I would never have anyone caring for me.