After Y/N left, I took Ryan out to the cinema, just to be away from Mum. Ryan slept with me that night since I was afraid that she might take him away with her again, just like she did the last time after we had a fight. I’m worried sick about the little fellow, I don’t want her to raise him, but I can’t do shit about it and I hate it. The most I can do is take care of him when I’m home. She called one of her no good exes over and we could hear them fuck in the other room, it made me sick. I couldn’t believe someone could act like that around their children.
Okay, I’m 19, I know what sex is and I have it, but it’s not okay for me to have to listen to my mother fuck a different guy every night. Ryan is so young, he shouldn’t be listening to her moans by any means, this is so fucked up. I wish I had the money to move away and take him with me. I understand why Dad left her, I’d leave her too. No one could stand being with a bitch like her. She was always getting drunk, she lost her job and wanted to fight with him all the time and then she cheated on him, so he left. I just wish he had taken us with him sometimes. Things would be so much better for us all if that happened the way I wanted it to.
Right after Ryan fell asleep, I got a text. It was from Y/N, and I wasn’t expecting her to text me at all, she never did that and she knew that I didn’t do that either, except if it was about sex. Then we could chat all night.
I hope you’re alright, x
I was a bit of freaked out by her message. I know she meant well, but I took it the wrong way. I don’t want a girl to go and try to get closer to me. There’s no such thing as close and she knew it.
Just asking because of your mom, don’t take it the wrong way
I chuckled when she sent me the text a few minutes later. She really did know something about me.
I’d take you anyway you want
I smiled to myself knowing she’d probably laugh at the text, but pretend to be mad at me for texting her that.
I know you would ;)
You owe me a favor, so it’s gonna happen soon
After I typed that, I closed my eyes and just remembered everything we did earlier that day. Just thinking about it instantly got me hard. She was really something when it came to sex, you wouldn’t just do her because of the sex, if you get me. She moans and she scratches your back and she wriggles and she just looks sensitive and pleased, and you enjoy doing things to her. I hate foreplay, I just love blow jobs and sex, not really a fan of pleasing some random slut. I’m not gonna get my face into something that has had at least a dozen dicks in it. I don’t have a problem with that when it comes to Y/N. She’s not that kind of girl. Whenever we do stuff, she genuinely seems to be enjoying whatever I’m doing to her, and it makes me feel good, which is kind of worrying, if you ask me. I can’t be focusing on someone else instead of me, at least I shouldn’t be.
Yeah, it better be soon, you have to finish what you’ve started
I smiled to myself as the image of that went through my mind. I couldn’t wait for the party tomorrow night, I knew I was gonna hit it and I was gonna hit it good.
The next day I took Ryan out to get something to eat because Mum was having vodka for lunch, her specialty. I can’t wait to finish college and move the fuck out of there and take him with me. In the middle of our lunch, Jake called me.
-Hey man, what’s up?-I answered the phone as I handed the bread to Jake.
-Listen, are you coming tonight? We’re going to buy the booze now, you coming?
-Nah, man, I can’t, I’m watching Ryan now, I think I’ll come to the party.
-Say hi to the little man. Jessie asked if you’d show up, she’s into you, you can totally hit that. She’s been asking about you a lot.
-I hit that already, mate, not in the mood.-I shrugged.-Not for her, anyway.
-And Tyler said he’d come and bring Y/N with him.-he stopped at that, not wanting to say anything else on that matter.
I knew he had his eye on her sine he saw her at that party, but we both knew she had her eye on me. I’ve told him we’ve fucked before, so he was probably waiting for me to tell him that it was okay for him to try to shag her, but I wasn’t stupid. There’s no way I would let her fuck someone else, especially not a guy like Jake. He was always getting touchy feely and actually dated girls, so she would stop fucking me if she started falling for him. No chance in hell I’d let it happen, he knows me better than that.
-Yeah, she told me yesterday.-I said, knowing he’d understand the message.
-Great! So see you tonight, mate!-he hung up with that.
I was late for the party because I was with Ryan until he fell asleep, and the only thing I was hoping for was that Jake didn’t make a move on her. I spotted her with that friend of hers as soon as I walked in, they were talking to some people from college and she smiled at me when I entered the room. I nodded and walked over to Jake, telling him to get me a drink. The only thing that was on my mind was getting pissed and getting fucked, in that order. Just that.
Jake and I leaned on the wall and talked about shit, but I didn’t tell him about the problems I was having with Mum, why the hell would he care about it? So we talked about girls. He told me he thinks Y/N is fit, and I told him to leave her alone.
-Why do you care, mate, I mean, you’re just fucking her.-he took a sip of his drink.-It’s not like you want something serious with her.
-Well, look who’s pointing fingers.-I snapped.-You’re not looking for anything serious either, so stop it.
-Maybe I am.-he broke the awkward silence and I tried not to look as surprised and shocked as I was.
He wanted something serious? With her? My heart started to pump so fast I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. I don’t know why I even cared, but I hated when people took stuff that belonged to me. I had her, I mean, she was into me and she was an awesome fuck and I wasn’t going to let her go that easily, not until I find someone better to fuck, and I wasn’t exactly looking for that right now. Jake isn’t gonna have her. He can have anyone else I’ve ever fucked, but not her. She was something of mine and there’s no way anyone else would have her until I’m sick of her.
-I called dibs and I don’t give a fuck.-I shrugged.
-Wait, really? You’re going to pull that out now and have her because you called dibs?-he seemed pissed off at me, but I couldn’t have cared less.-Fuck you and your dibs, what if I could make her happy? She can be happy with me, and you’re just using her for sex.
-My cock is already making her happy, mate, so get in the line.-I told him slowly, but with rage in my voice, and he understood that I wasn’t going to talk about this anymore, but he didn’t want to let it go.
-I don’t know why you’re acting like you care, there are at least a dozen girls who you can fuck here tonight and I only want her.-he said at last, even though he saw I was serious about this.-She’s the only one I like these days, she’s not like the other girls I’ve dated, but to you she is just the same.
-You’re not fucking her, got it? You can fuck those dozen girls, that’s my gift to you.-I nodded and cleared my throat, moving away.-See you.
I poured myself another drink and started to think more about what Jake had said. He was probably right. Y/N was one of those relationship type of girls and just the thought of her being one of them made me sick. She was like that, and he was that type of guy sometimes, not usually, but if the girl was worthy of it, he was. And I knew she was worthy of the best, she wasn’t a slut like most of the girls I know. I looked around the room for her and I spotted her talking to some guys from class, but she wasn’t acting like she was flirting, at least not noticeably. I sat on the sofa next to someone I didn’t know and I stared at her. She was paying attention to whatever the hell that lame guy was saying, but her arms were crossed over her chest, she was wearing such a nice dress that made her curves show and I couldn’t help but picture what was underneath. She was good with words as well, that’s one more thing I knew about her. She could make people change their minds easily, she did that in class a few times, and I was surprised. And sometimes, I don’t know why, I’d get protective feelings towards her, like the time I fucked her over the bench and she had bruises a few days later. I was genuinely sorry about hurting her, but my mate overheard what I told her and it looked like I apologized to her just so others would hear we fucked, and it wasn’t like that, at least not that one time. I wanted to have sex with her, but I didn’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t want to put her in danger of being hurt by someone else. I don’t give a shit about feelings, but at least nothing can happen to her when she’s with me, you know what I mean? At least I’d protect her.
But what if Jake could make her happy? Like, what if their thing could work out and they could both be happy, but they will never know because of me? I felt like shit for a second. I didn’t have feelings for her, I guess, but he could. He’d probably take her out a lot, and take her to the cinema and all that shit girls fall for, and he’d tell her that he loves her and he misses her, and he would love her and miss her. I though about telling him to go for it. Just then, one of the guys made her laugh and she covered her smile with her hand and then caught my stare and we both smiled at each other and a decision struck my mind. There was no way I could imagine another guy fucking her. I should be the one to fuck her. Just me. No matter how good Jake would be towards her, she didn’t want him, she wanted me. I couldn’t throw that away.
But why did I care? I can’t care about it, feelings are not my thing, obviously. Feelings get you fucked up. Ryan is the only person I care about and that was never gonna change, the only sacrifices I would ever make were and would be for him. He needed me, and I had to be there for him, I had to take care of him and protect him, and she didn’t fit in my life. I guess I looked out of place because Y/N shook her palm at me as if she was asking if I was alright, and I nodded. Why would she care if I wasn’t? The only thing she cared about was if I’d be able to fuck her good and hard like I always did. And that’s what I cared about as well.
Jessie appeared out of nowhere and she straddled my lap. I saw Y/N wince over Jessie’s shoulder as she turned her back on us, I guess she didn’t want to see this. I didn’t want to see it either, I didn’t want Jessie, she was an easy lay, I wanted something I had to work for. Not a lot, though. I didn’t even ask her to come sit here, I wanted Y/N to sit here and finish what we’ve started yesterday.
-Hey, baby, did you miss me?-Jessie grinned.
-Totally, I was bawling my eyes out.-I mumbled.
-No need to be a jerk.-she shook her head.-Let’s go upstairs, huh?
She was running her fingers along my biceps and looking at me like she was ready to give me a blowjob as soon as we got upstairs. I contemplated that idea for a minute, but I shook it off. I had something better to do, I owed a fucking amazing orgasm to Y/N and she owed me one as well. And I wanted to continue fucking her, and if I fucked Jessie now, it would be over, right?
-Jake’s up for it, so go see him about that.-I pushed her off my lap to the sofa.-Bye.
She said something, but I didn’t even hear her because I was headed towards Y/N who was still talking to those guys. I planned to go there and tell her that we’re going over to my place to fuck, but then I stopped dead in my tracks. What the fuck was I doing? I just realized what I had been doing all this time, I was getting myself into a relationship. I didn’t want to fuck Jessie because I thought Y/N wouldn’t want to fuck me after that. We’re not together and we won’t be, why the hell should I care about what she thinks? If I stop fucking other girls now, where am I headed? I can’t, that’s not my style, I don’t do one girl, I just don’t. I shouldn’t care about who I fuck, and if she wouldn’t want to fuck me after I fuck Jessie, well fuck her then. I couldn’t limit myself to only one girl, I don’t know how to do that. She’d expect phone calls, and the lovey dovey stuff. I just don’t do that. She saw me walking towards her, but then I turned around and grabbed Jessie’s arm.
-You’ll do for tonight.-I grunted and pulled her out of the room.
We walked upstairs in silence and I started having second thoughts, but I shook them off. There’s no way in hell I’ll give up sex for anyone, no matter how good she was in bed.
Jessie gave me a good blow job, but I didn’t want to get nice towards her, so I just bent her over Jake’s table and fucked her from behind. She was screaming and moaning and I would usually enjoy that, but I found her fucking annoying. I wanted low muffled moans and I wanted to hear my name, and I wanted to feel walls clenching around my cock and that shit. When I came, I pulled out of her and zipped my pants, telling her I’ll see her later, and she seemed happy with it. What kind of a person was she? How could she be okay with that? Y/N got pissed off when I did this to her.
I got to the kitchen and downed a few drinks before heading back to the living room where everyone else was. Y/N was now talking to that guy friend of hers who pissed me off, he was always around and I always thought he had a thing for her. She seemed a bit down, and I knew she must have seen me walk out of here with Jessie, but it had to be done. I had to show her we’re no good together, except when it comes to sex. Then we were the best.
-Hey, can we talk?-I interrupted their conversation without apologizing hoping he would start a fight because I was really in the mood for it.
-What do you want?-she didn’t sound very pleased based on the tone of her voice.
-Alone.-I said and she nodded, moving away from her circle of friends.
The black guy gave me a look which I understood as a fight invitation, but I needed to talk to her first, he’d get his shit coming to him later.
-So, do you want to finish what we’ve started?-I smiled at her.
-No, not really.-she shook her head, looking somewhere over my shoulder, hoping she’d be able to avoid eye contact, a thing she always did.
-Why? Because I did Jessie?-I snorted.
-I’ve told you already, I can’t do the commitment thing, sorry. I just want to play around.-I shrugged.-I thought we agreed on this.
-No, we didn’t. You agreed on this with yourself.-she looked down.-And besides, we’re doing this no strings attached thing, but that doesn’t mean I’d fuck someone five minutes before you, it’s just disgusting. I don’t want her on your cock when I have you, it really makes me sick.
-You’re letting emotions into this when you really shouldn’t be.-I grabbed her shoulder.-If we’re in this for sex, then we’ll have sex and that’s it.
-I can do better than just sex, okay?-she brushed my hand off and a lump formed in my throat.-I can’t be someone’s slut for a night, I can’t. I thought I could do this, but it’s not worth it.
-So you’re telling me you don’t enjoy fucking me? Stop lying, we both know you do.-I leaned in and whispered the last part.
-It’s not about that, you just don’t get it. I can’t fuck people without getting attached at some point. I cannot do that, do you understand?-she looked at me as if I was dumb.-That’s what I’ve told you yesterday, and you just shrugged it off like it wasn’t your problem. It’s not, but it’s my problem, so if we’re going to have sex, it becomes your problem, as well, but you don’t realize that. Anyway, the fuck buddy thing is not gonna work for us anymore, so yeah, good luck with Jessie, I hear she’s a nice girl.
She tried to barge past me back to her friend, but I wasn’t gonna let her get away with this. I stopped her by pulling her arm. After one touch, she’d be melting and I knew she’d say yes to me.
-Let me prove you wrong.-I told her and she stopped wriggling.
-By doing what?-she faced me again.
-By finishing what we’ve started yesterday. After that, you know you’re going to want this to continue. You loved it before, that can’t change, right?
She winced and her brows furrowed as she stared at me for a while. I couldn’t say if she was disappointed, angry or sad.
-You can’t solve everything with sex.-she shook her head.
-Can’t blame a guy for trying.-I smiled, but she wasn’t taking any of it.
She shrugged and walked over to her friend and told him something, and he glared at me. What the fuck did this guy want? And did she really think I’d let her get away from me so easily? No way. Girls don’t ditch me, I ditch them, I guess nobody told her that.
I walked over to them and told her we need to talk.
-No, I’ve told you everything, please, let’s drop this.-she said, not looking at me.
-I said I need to talk to you.-I repeated, raising my voice this time.
-She said she doesn’t want to talk to you.-he interfered.
-You should just fuck off before I smash your face in, mate.-I muttered.
-What did you say?-he took a step forward and glared at me.
-I told you to fuck off and let me talk to her.-I yelled, and she seemed worried about this fight.
-Tyler, just leave it, please, let’s go.-she said and put her right hand on his chest, turning her back on me.
Did she really want to leave with this guy? Shit, I wasn’t gonna have any of that. Just the thought of her fucking him made me feel weird, because of what she had just told me. If she didn’t want to fuck me because she was afraid of getting attached, why would she want to do it with him? Wouldn’t she get attached to him as well? The answer was pretty simple – she wanted to get attached to him because he wasn’t me. Why didn’t she want to get close to me, but she did when it came to other guys?
-No, don’t leave it.-I dared him.
The only thing I remember was hit fist hitting my nose right before I fell down to the floor. I woke up in Jake’s bed the following morning with a sore nose and hurt pride.