If Only I Knew

(Book Two for How To Save A Life)

"Are you crazy?" He screams.

"Baby, I'm out of my mind." I smile.


8. Still Here

lol okay so still here relates to so much...

i am still alive and i took a well deserved break because i went through a really rough patch in my life but i am back and still here is actually a really good song off VIEWS by Drake and it goes with this chapter so, i'm gonna pat myself on the back. Okay here's the chapter! 


Skylar's POV 

"Have you seen Cameron? He's not answering my calls or texts." I frown up at Shawn. 

"Nope." He pokes his pasta with the fork. 

I sigh. Shawn has been awfully quiet lately, but he never talks to anyone about his feelings. 

"Shawn are you okay? I hate it when you're sad, it makes me sad. Sad doesn't look good on me, so tell me what's up." I place my hand on his. 

"I think Lou is cheating on me." 

He looks up at me then, and I feel awful. He has a look of abandonment and absolutely devastated. He's slouching and he looks like he hasn't been sleeping well. 

"What makes you think that?" 

"When she told me she was going to an old's friend house for a sleepover, word is that she really hooked up with Ed." 

I furrow my brows, trying to picture Ed in my head. 

He had dark straight hair that was always in a bun, but looked super greasy. He had a tattoo on his left bicep of a 'unicorn on acid'. He drove an electric car. 

He was a douche.

"That can not be true Shawn. Ed is...greasy. He smells like incense. You are tall, good looking, and you smell pretty darn good in my opinion! You can't believe everything you hear in high school. Just talk to her." 

He looked hopeful as he nodded. "I'll do that."

 "Good. Now eat your pasta, that cost me four dollars."

We both laugh, but something makes me anxious about Cameron. He wouldn't just disappear like that.  


"How was the first day of treatment?" 

"I have come to the conclusion, I hate pills."

"That bad?" 

He flops back on the bed. "I have had the worst damn headache of all time." 

"Maybe your body just has to get used to it." I shrug, feeling powerless watching my friend struggle. 

"I hate my life." He groans. 

"I'm positive, second stage. I'm going to die." 

"No you aren't. The doctor said you can live up to seven decades!" I place a hand on his shoulder. 

"But I will be on medication for seven decades. I don't know about you, but that seems like a miserable way to spend those years." 

"I'll be here for all seven of those decades. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll die if I have to." 

"Don't waste you time with me Sky, I'm just gonna die. There isn't even a guarantee that I'll live that long. My body could reject the meds." 


"Don't. I hate my life." He sighs. 

"Sky? Why are you crying?" He sits up, concerned. 

"I'm crying because this is all my fault! I should have stopped you from that downward spiral of just throwing yourself at girls. I am so ashamed and I feel so powerless watching you suffer like this, knowing I can't help you. I just feel, I feel like I let Nash, and Carter down. I should've been there for you. I should have-" By now, I am full on sobbing. 

"Shh. Stop crying. You didn't let anyone down. I let Carter down. I should have been more responsible. I deserve this-" 

"No! No one deserves this! Especially not you! You have been such a good person to me and everyone and you made one mistake and now you screwed for life and it isn't fair." I choke on my tears as I look up at Matt. 

"Listen. I'm still here. Stop stressing okay? I'm still here." He pulls me into his chest, hugging me tight. 

"You're still here." I mumble. 

"Yeah. I-I--I am still here." He cokes out, he's shaking and I'm crying again and we're a mess. 

But we are still here.


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