Distractions: A Book of Poetry

Poems that I've written

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145. Wrecking Emotions:Emotional Wreck

With no rhyme or reason

I suddenly feel

furious and angry and frustrated and enraged

This is a time when my emotions

will destroy everything in my path

if left uncaged

It is a time when

I feel like a wrecking ball;

No, not the Miley Cyrus song-

A real wrecking ball to tear down the walls

Break through it all

Screams echoing down the hall

To fall on nonexistent ears

This is a time when I just want to

scream and cry and scream and cry,

and then cry and scream again

But my screams went silent long ago

And my tears just don’t fall

Crystalline in the lamplight

And maybe that’s why

Once upon a time

Blood stained the grimy bathtub floor

Dripping from the chasms that I opened

on my arms and legs and hips

Bottomless holes to set my demons free

Stop the screaming

The blood flowed the way the tears would not

Clean and strong, keep flowing on

Not afraid to leak past the surface of my skin

But blood is not an option anymore

A promise made, broken, made fresh again

I will not break my promise again

And I just wish that the tears would flow

clear and clean, emptying me

But I’m afraid to cry, splotchy red face

embarrassing me

Someone once told me

that I am strong

because I was brave enough to just go on

But bottled-up emotions and blood in the bathub isn’t strong

And I feel like an old Linkin Park song

So someone just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me

‘Cause everytime I try to figure it out, I’m wrong

Older faces, wiser than me

tell me that nothing right now will last permanently

But anxiety like this, crippling heartbeat,

That doesn’t just go away

And I think the only reason I’m here today

is fear and true love;

Hope saved me so I may one day see

Sunlight on my child’s face, lighting up green eyes, my eyes

But I have to survive the hardest part first

and this is just the beginning

Fear pinning me down won’t let me move on

But love keeps me strong so I can still live on

But the darkness keeps nipping at my heels, so I run on

And sunlight brightens my scars.

 
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