There . Again . The exact same things. All over again . One suicidal thought, a cut, a pill, and a cry for help. I cry, and write. And write some more.
When is this hell going to be over? Maybe I'll be lucky enough to get hit by a truck. Killed. Or stuffed in a closet with a bag over my head.
I need someone. I only have a couple friends. Real friends I mean.. Not the kind that get mad at you and pretend like everything is alright.
Then another thought floods my mind
I need a man. Someone who's sweet and caring and brings me food. Someone to stay up with me and lay down with me til I fall asleep. Someone to tell me "It's okay, I'm here" or "I know you're hurting" .. But I'm probably never going to find my one true love. After all,
I've been cheated on, abused, and even been accused Of cheating.
Same thoughts .
Same feelings .
Same regrets .
And awful memories .
So here I am again.
11:11 . I wish. For a better life. It's amazing, I make big bucks, everyone laugh, and my parents happy , but what about me? I seem happy but I hide the pain. No one knows I write. Poems sometimes . I've been suicidal , but no one could ever tell because I smile and laugh and crack jokes... Harry, Liam, Zayn, And Niall would never suspect me as depressed. If they only knew...
If someone only knew..
No one knows the pain I hide and all the feelings I feel.. How much I care and have been hurt... Everyone thinks they know the story..
"Oh you're in one direction you live the dream and make a bunch of money"
But who ever said I was happy
Yeah no one. I would trade all the money in the world for happiness if I could. I want a girl to treat right and love regardless of her flaws. I want to love and be loved. I want a soulmate..
But those are just my same old thoughts..
God, I just want to be happy.