"What?" Lauren whispers and I feel some sort of relief.
"You heard me" I say, not wanting to repeat it.
"You're lying" she says as tears stream down her face.
"If I was, why would I say it?" I ask beginning to get sad that she wouldn't believe me. Not that I blame her, I haven't exactly shown it.
"To mess with me"
"Damn it Lauren, I'm not" I say trying to keep calm.
"Then why hide it? What was so bad that made you this way?"
This is exactly what I was afraid of. I just pray to god that she lets the topic go.
"That is none of your concern" I say in a monotone.
"No, I'm done with this Harry. Fucking tell me!" She says and she looks like she's about to break down.
"Lauren..." I warn but she doesn't get the hint.
"Harry why can't you-"
The next thing I know I'm punching holes all over the walls of her room and hear Lauren's distanced screams telling me to stop.
"Harry! Please stop!" She screams trying to pull at me.
I turn around to face her and she looks terrified. She should be.
In all honesty I never want her to fear me, but in this moment I could give two fucks.
"What do you want me to say!? That I'm so messed up in my fucking head that I can't love you because I think if I do then my fucking dead girlfriend will be pissed off! Is that what you want me to say!?"
"I didn't know" she cries, and I almost feel bad. Almost.
"Of course you didn't! I never wanted to tell you because I'll never be able to get over this, losing her was hard. Real hard." I say pulling at my hair.
Why the fuck are we having this discussion again?
"Let me help you, please" she begs. Why the fuck are you begging?
"I don't want your fucking help Lauren! Can't you see that!? I don't want your pity!" I yell stepping closer to her and she backs up.
"I don't pity you! I love you Harry and that's why I want to help you get through it" she says as her voice breaks and my breathing becomes ragged.
"I'm not capable of loving anyone, not anymore." My voice cracks and by the time I finish the sentence I'm a sobbing wreck.
"That's not true Harry! If you just-" she begins but I don't let her finish.
"You always think you know what's best, but you haven't been through half the shit I have! Just stop Lauren" I say putting my head between my hands.
"Harry..." She says and I really wish she'd just stop talking.
"I'm a broken man, and there's no one in this world that can fix me."
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