I walked into work on this bitter cold Saturday morning. Isn't it funny how sometimes the weather reflects your mood? I put my stuff in the workers lounge. I put on my Starbuck's apron.
"Ya know The Vamps are coming to Detroit right?" My best friend JoJo said while we were at the desk waiting for customers.
The Vamps were one of our favorite bands. Shes been wanting to go to a concert of theirs for ages.
"What are the chances of us actually affording one of the tickets?" I asked her.
"Way to be a Debby Downer." She stuck her tongue out at me.
I gave her one of my signature fake smiles. I wonder if I can even tell the difference between real and fake anymore?
I leaned against the counter. My head turns toward the door when it rang when customers came in. In walked our friends. Then my ex Evan came in right after them.
JoJo shot me a look. I knew what she was saying,"I can cover for you." I shook my head. I was going to have to face him sooner or later. She nodded and let me get to the front of the counter.
I put my fake smile on my face and I figured it wont hurt as much if I pretend to be happy when I talk to him.
"Em." He breathed my name when he got to the counter.
I could feel myself gnaw at the inside of my cheek, the way I do when I get nervous.
"How may I help you?" I asked him.
He tapped his fingers on the counter. He was nervous about something.
"I would like a French Vanilla Capopechino." He said.
I wrote that on the pad of paper and gave it to JoJo. She went to go make it.
"I came to say I'm sorry." He said.
"Forget it, I don't wanna hear your apology." I told him.
"I screwed up. I didnt mean to hurt you." He told me.
"Thats the thing Evan, you don't mean to hurt someone when you cheat. You wanna hurt yourself." I spat.
I could feel tears threatening to come out. Just thinking of the memory brought tears to my eyes.
"Em this past month has been torture. Please forgive me." He begged.
My hands curled up into fists.
"I want to Evan. I just can't. I loved you and you stabbed me in the back." I growled.
And I still do, I wanted to add that. But now wasn't the right time to say it.
"And I love you. Only you. I was stupid, I never wanted to be with her!" He confessed.
"Then why?" I whispered. "Was I not good enough? Was I not all you wanted? Could I've done something better? Those questions have been through my head so many times this month."
He looked at me. His face was all I needed for reassurance that I was going to be okay, but that was then and this is now. All his face brings to me is pain.
"It wasn't you, it was me. I didn't think."
"Bull shit Evan. You thought what benefitted you in the end. Not me. You never gave me a second thought. You didnt think you'd get caught, so you cheated." I said.
I looked back down at my hands. I then looked back up.
"You were with me for a year and six months. You cheated on me for two months of that. Did those 'I love you's really mean anything to you?"
He looked at me. His eyes were starting to get red. This was as hard for him as it was for me. Maybe even harder.
"I love you Emma." He choked.
JoJo handed me the coffee.
"That'll be three ninety-five." I told him.
He gave me the money and took the coffee. He started to leave before I said something.
He turned around.
"I dont doubt that you do."
He left at that. JoJo comforted me. I couldnt think straight. I needed to sit down. I walked over to the table my friends were sitting at. I felt a bit dizzy. My friend Rae wiped a tear off my face. Then did I realize I was crying. I tried to wipe my tears away, but my arms felt numb. He left me broken again. Like he always does.