Chapter 43: Pool Day
"No Zack, they'll hear us." I gasped as he pressed me hard against the wall, my wrists captured in his hands above my head..
"Sh." He whispered dipping his head down to let his lips press themselves onto mine. "They won't find out if you don't be so loud Babe."
His lips pressed themselves harder to mine, Zack's tongue sliding into my mouth and I just completely melted; my knees trying hard not to give in. Zack seemed to notice because he smirked, moving his lower half away by a step - still keeping his lips moving hungrily against my own.
"Jump." He groaned. I did and Zack slammed his hips back towards me just as I got my legs wrapped his waist. My back hit the wall roughly and I bit down on his bottom lip harshly but he simply moaned and arched his back - keeping his fingers clutching onto my wrists pinned above both of us. My whole body feels like it's been set on fire and as he moved his lips down to my neck I took a sharp breath in, tilting my head away without even thinking about it. Zack finally let my wrists free and I tugged at his hair, tilting his head up and he smirked cockily at me.
"Not so worried now huh?" His eyes turned a shade darker, his smirk widening as I rolled my eyes and lent down; his smirk faltering instantly as I removed my legs from his waist, attaching my lips to his neck. His hands shot out and he steadied himself by placing his hands flat against the wall, tilting his head away he lent towards me and groaned softly.
"Don't." He growled as my hands slid down his bare chest and landed on the waistband of his swimming trunks. I rested my hand on his hip, a raspy breath hitting my collarbone. "Babe, please." He whispered, his voice begging but his hand sliding down my back anything but.
My free hand shot behind me, gripping onto Zack's hand as he reached the top of my bikini bottoms, a low moan escaping Zack's lips as I continue on his neck. Most likely thinking he's sly Zack tried it with the other hand only for them both to wound up caged in mine next to us.
"Not gonna happen." I whispered grazing my lips against his. He growled at me as I ducked from his grasp, giggling as I did so. All I did was leave the bathroom looking for my shorts and a tee shirt to hide the bikini and then Zack had pushed me against a wall. Finding what I was looking for I slipped them on quickly and turned round to see Zack leaning against the wall, arms crossed and his eyes pretty much black; his jaw set tight as he eyes me. His breathing is fast and his chest is red in places from where he's been pressed against me.
"You done yet?" His Italian heritage showing through when he cocks his head to the side.
I shook my head and stuffed my feet into my blue converse, taking painfully slow to tie the laces. I know this because Zack swore and tightened his fists. When I was done I stood up only to fall backwards when Zack took a couple long strides towards me, lifted me up and tore at my mouth with his. With my hands wounded in his hair there was nothing to stop him and he slid his hands down until they sat on my butt.
He grinned as I tensed up but I relaxed quickly, letting him resume with whatever his mouth is doing to mine. I tugged his hair back again and he breathed hard before my lips cut it off.
"Fuck." Zack swore and he walked a couple spaces, sitting on the bed he rolled us over straddled my lap. His hands started rolling my tee shirt up and I quickly pulled away, tightening my hands round his wrists.
"No babe," He whispered and growled at me again when I shot my head sideways so he got my cheek. "Babe!"
"Zack we got to go." I laughed trying to get out from his grip.
"Hm five minutes." He grinned against my cheek and I shook my head.
"Kendall!" He threw back at me with the same tone of voice I used before he grinned again and kissed my cheek. "Fine, let's go."
"Thank you." I sighed as he got off me.
"Keep it PG Cowell." I raised an eyebrow at him. I've sat down with Iona in the very shallow end as Iona crawls around in the water, Jabez is with Dad over in the middle section; Dad holding his stomach and back as Jabez kicks his legs and giggles.
Zack had come over after playing some kind of water game with the others and sat beside me, stretching out his legs out and resting one hand near my butt, his lips kissing my cheek.
"I am." He replied, leaning back on both hands and watching Iona crawl over to us. Iona crawled behind us and then put her hands on Zack's shoulders, pulling herself up making Zack chuckle and put his head back to look at him.
"Hey princess." He said, moving Iona onto his lap. The one and a half year old did what she does whenever she's near Zack, stares up at him with her lips parted and eyes widened a bit.
"I swear it's like she worships you." I said making Zack laugh and hug Iona to his chest. Iona started giggling, squashed up with two teeth daring to show out from her gums.
"What can I say?" Zack shrugged. "The Styles women just can't get enough of me."
"Mhm." I nodded sarcastically. "I wonder how long that will last."
He mumbled something which I couldn't quite catch, he's looking down Iona and smiling, bouncing her on his lap slightly.
"What was that?" I asked and he snapped his head up, his cheeks flushed slightly.
"Nothing." He muttered quickly, looking back at Iona. The red on his cheeks deepened as I placed my hand on the cheek hidden from me and placed a kiss on the one facing me. Wrapping my arms round Zack's waist I lent my chin against Zack's shoulder and stuck my tongue out at Iona who giggled again.
Zack turned his head and I smiled at him, smiling wider when he gave me a peck on the lips.
"I love you." He whispered gently like those three words are something that can break so easily. He's always said those words with care, even if all we're doing is walking somewhere and he'll spring it upon me. It's always like he's handling a breakable object.
"I love you too." I whispered back, kissing his lips quickly. "and I always will."
I changed quickly, I mean there's only so much time you can take getting dressed into jeans, a long sleeved top and a sleeveless denim jacket. I shoved my feet into white high tops, brushed my hair out and then put it into a high ponytail. I left the bathroom and shoved my previous clothes back into my suitcase and turned round to face Zack.
I instantly became worried. Zack's pretty much always happy so seeing him with his head in his hands, sitting in the armchair by the window worried me instantly. I walked over cautiously and sat on my knees in front of him.
He shook his head, a chocked sob coming from the back of his throat. "I'm fine." He whispered rubbing the heel of his hands in his eyes.
"No you're not." I said placed two fingers up his chin, raising it up to look at him. His eyes are red, tear streaks down his cheeks and his bottom lip trembling. In his eyes I can tell he's upset, you can always tell how someone's feeling by the look in their eyes. It's hard to hide if it hurts you enough.
"Zack what's wrong?" He shook his head, pinching his lips together and looking away from me, instead focusing on the window or what's outside of it. I put both my hands on his cheeks and turned his face back to me; his breath became heavier and his lip wobbled before he just broke down. I did what he does whenever I break down - I stood us both up and went on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms round him and kissing his forehead whilst he cries into my shoulder. I rubbed his back and let him cry, kissing his shoulder every now and again until his breath went ragged and all he was doing is sobbing.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, keeping his forehead in my neck.
"It's alright Zack." I replied. "You want to talk about it?"
He was silent before pulling away slightly, his hand cupping my cheek. He shook his head and bit his lip. "Not really, not just now."
I nodded. "Do you still want to go?" The other four had become bored of hotels and found a park about ten minutes away. They asked is if we wanted to go with them and we accepted but now I'm not so sure Zack wants to go.
Again Zack shook his head, his thumb moving in small circles on my cheek. I reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks, his hand slipping from my face and his eyes closed.
"I'm sorry." He repeated.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." I replied gently. "You don't need to apologize for crying Zack, or for just being upset. Everyone gets upset."
His grip tightened and another tear slipped down his face. He quickly wiped it away with his sleeve and he chocked back a sob.
"I love you, you know that right?" He said opening his eyes and looking at me. "I love you so much and I don't want to lose you ever."
My heart broke and I nodded. "I love you too Zack. But what's wrong, you're never like this."
He looked over my head and then sighed. "My... m-my parents, they um-." He stuttered for his words.
"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it." I said quickly but he shook his head. He took my hand and sat me down on one of the armchairs before he went into his suitcase and picked up an envelope and a long box. Slowly he made his way back to me and sat down in the arm chair opposite me.
"My parents," He started, all signs of tears lost. "they died a couple days before I turned six. I didn't know them as well as I would have liked too but I knew the things that I had to know about them and I saw the way my Dad would treat my Mum, how he always found a way to tell or show her that he loved her and I grew up knowing that that is what I wanted for when I had a family of my own and..." He took a deep breath. "the day that the car crashed my dad gave me these." He looked at the envelope and box in his hands, turning them between his fingers. "It was kind of like he knew he wouldn't see me again, he told me to keep it safe and I would know when I should give it away and to who. I never wanted to know what was in there, if it wasn't addressed to me I didn't want it. It was private, Lauren said that it was kind of like a secret between two people that never even met. I want you to take it."
He looked up at for the first time since he started his speech, the look of worry written all over his face. He stood up and walked to me, sitting in front of me on his knees. "I know what's in the box." He said sliding the envelope in my hands. "But the envelope is addressed to you, if you don't want to read I don't blame you but this feels like the only way that I can show you... that I can show you how much I love you. Even if you don't read it, or even look at it then fine... but whatever's in there must have been important for my Dad to write."
He lent up, pressed his lips to my forehead and then stood up. Leaving the box on the edge of the bed he quickly shrugged on a jacket.
"Where are you going?" I asked pushing myself off the chair. He turned to look at me and bit his lip.
"For a walk." He said. "I'll tell the others that I'm not going with them though."
"Will," I said looking at the envelope. "Will you tell them that I'm not either?"
Looking back at him I noticed his eyes had always traveled to the cream paper. He nodded and before thinking I rushed over to him and wrapped my arms round his neck. He seemed to freeze but then his arms went around me too.
"I love you too okay?" I whispered. "Nothing's going to change that, and nothing's going to take me away permanently."
He nodded against my cheek and kissed my jaw. Without another word we both pulled away, me hugging my elbows as he steps out the door and closes it behind him. I sat back in the armchair and turned the envelope in my hands.
To whoever he's fallen in love with,
I looked at the scratchy handwriting that's nearly identical to Zack's own, but the signature in the corner isn't his. Casper Cowell. I opened the envelope and took out the two pieces of paper, a picture falling out with it. I picked it up from my lap, my heart breaking all over again at the sight. A six year old Zack sat between his parents, his sister behind him arms round his neck and his hands over hers. They're all laughing and looking at the camera except Zack who's laughing yes but looking down up at his father. Unfolding the letter I began to read, nibbling at my thumb nail as I did so.
I know this might sound a bit strange, coming from a man talking about his five year old son. He hardly knows what the world looks like probably but I know that he's got it all figured out in his little mind. Zack's a bit different than everybody else, he doesn't care what people think of him like others but no doubt he'll care about what that one certain person will think of him.
He's told me that when he's older he wants to be like 'his mummy and daddy' and at first I didn't know what he meant. I mean I'm a boring old Lawyer and his mother's a teacher. Not interesting jobs; if anything I expected him to want to be like his Uncle Simon, my brother, but then I realized. He didn't mean job wise, he wants to love someone. At the age of five you have to admit is something that most kids wouldn't even dream about.
He cares for his sister, if you've gotten this letter you must have met her or even heard a lot about her. I'm sorry that Andrea and I never got to meet you, you must be a smart one though. I can't tell you how I know that we'll never meet, I hardly know myself but that's not the point. You must be smart because Zack's vulnerable and he always will be. When he's fourteen, thirty, ninety two - my baby boy will always be the small innocent child.
Saying that I might have already met you, you could be one of his school friends of one of Jasmine's. You could be a neighbor or someone who lives close that Andrea teaches. I don't know but if you've met us already then you would know that we were extremely protective of him. He gets hurt easily, he breaks easily and he never says anything he doesn't mean. If he hurts someone it's out of spite for maybe a day or two but he'll break down and beg for forgiveness; he'll do anything to be forgiven.
Instantly I thought of the whole Marie incident; but that wasn't out of spite was it?
I need to know that no matter what happens you'll take care of my baby boy; whether you're female or male you'll make sure no one hurts him. I know that's a lot to ask because it might not be done on purpose, but please don't let my boy be heartbroken.
If he's shown you this it's because he's remembered what I told him, and that he thinks you're it for him. He doesn't know what's in here and I doubt you'll even find it interesting but please know... Andrea and I, we're proud of our baby boy. We're proud of him for everything he's done while we were here and what he's managed to do without us. We're proud of him for choosing YOU because you must be smart and pretty and kind and everything he loves. Zack shows affection in different ways to must and it hurts me to know that I won't be able to see how he shows it.
I do hope that if you end up making a family with him that those kids see this letter, to see what their grandfather thought of his boy. I hope you're family, whether their blood family or they adopted you or if they are just someone who you love takes care of our grandchildren because we won't be able to. I don't hope to see you soon, I hope to see you old with my Zack, taking care of grandchildren or even great grandchildren. I hope to see you live as long as you both can and to see you up here in heaven together and old and happy.
My boy is my boy... I died to keep my boy safe and this might sound drastic and over exaggerated but I did. There are no threats to him anymore, he is safe. But don't make him vulnerable to heartbreak if you don't love him back, if he's vulnerable to a heartbreak I want to happen because he's so scared of losing you after you've told him so many times that you won't.
I love you, future child-in-law. I love you and I love Zack. Please make sure he knows that. That I love you both and I'm so proud of you both too. That his mother and I are so proud and so happy. Thank you.
Casper and Andrea Cowell xxx
A/N: Oh my god I'm so sorry that was so emotional...