CAUTION: A lot of swearing
Chapter 50: I Want Ice-Cream
"Jas I swear to God." I groaned into my pillow, trying to push my sister off of me with next to no luck. She stumbled a bit but I know that she still has that fucking vlog camera in her hands. When we were fifteen she started a YouTube channel with a couple of her friends and they've gotten quite popular which only means Jas and her friends document every single fucking thing that happens.
Including waking me up at a god-forsaken time on a Saturday morning.
"I want ice-cream, get up!" She whined pathetically, digging her heel further into the bottom of my spine which is no doubt out of view of the camera. I turned my head to look at her over my shoulder, shooting her the best death glare I could possibly muster.
She smirked at me. "Maybe if you hadn't have spent the whole night snogging Kendall then you would be well-rested but..."
"My love life has nothing to do with you." I glowered at her.
We do get along but I get cranky if I'm woken up purposely and after seventeen years you would expect my sister to get the message but obviously not.
"Will you take me to get ice-cream? Please? 'Cause I love you, you know?"
I swear to God I hate girls.
"Jas stop terrorizing my son." Uncle Si sighed as he walked into the kitchen were Jas is currently wrestling a stubborn Eric into a shirt.
Jas groaned loudly when Eric managed to wiggle away and fling himself into my lap. I'm sat at the kitchen island with my script in front of me and a highlighter in my hand. My phone's in the other hand, the camera app up and pointed at the script. I post quite a lot online, Instagram is pretty much like my online rant book, so I couldn't pass the opportunity to post the latest and improved script for Too Late. I didn't bother with a caption simply because Katy finds it irritating when I post something without any caption and irritating Katy is one of my favorite past-times.
"Are you packed yet?" Uncle Si asked as I handed my phone over to Eric who pulled up MineCraft instantly.
"Yeah." I nodded. "I've still got a couple things over at Kendall's which I want to take with me though so I'm going over in a bit."
Kendall and I are both very forgetful and whenever we stay over at the other persons' we tend to leave stuff. It's gotten to the point where Kendall has clothes in my wardrobe and I have clothes in hers.
"Kendall's finished her exams right?" Jas asked getting her still unfinished ice-cream (I did end up taking her out for some) from the freezer and turning to sit opposite me.
I nodded again and highlighted a line in the script, blocking it with my hand when Jas tried to read it. "She had her last one yesterday. Chem I think, so she's out today with the girls to celebrate or something. I dunno."
"She got dropped off like half an hour ago." Simon piped up. "And your flight's in an hour."
"Is that your way of saying go now?" Simon didn't reply to my question but instead just nodded the door. I sighed, swapping my phone from Eric for the remainder of my ice-cream before shoving the script in my duffel bag by the door.
I pulled myself over the brick wall separating Simon's house from Harry's and the boys' before just letting myself in. They never actually lock the door, the gates by the driveway keep anyone out so they just don't bother. Also the boys are all in different places at the moment anyway so it's just Kendall in the house (the twins are with Harry's mum) as well as Simon coming in to check up on her every now and again.
"Babe?" I shouted as I shut the door behind me.
"In my room." She called back and I quickly hurried up the stairs. She's sat at her desk, her bed covered with shopping bags, an open suitcase on the floor which is only half full and random pieces of clothes everywhere. This always happens whenever she packs so I'm not worried.
What does worry me is why she's looked like she's just finished crying.
"What's wrong?" Kendall shook her head at me, waving off the question bluntly before standing up and making her way to the walk in wardrobe.
"How've you been?" Kendall asked trying to distract me.
"Zack I'm fine." She snapped spinning on her heels to face me. I took a step backwards at her outburst.
"No. You're not."
"Yes I am, please just drop it." She groaned walking back into the main part of her room and flinging some more clothes into her suitcase.
"Zack I swear to God, leave it."
"Okay what the hell?" My voice raised without me meaning too and it stopped Kendall in her tracks but I just carried on. "You're not alright babe, and I know that because you of all bloody people don't cry often and when you do it's because of something important. As your boyfriend it's my jo-"
"It is not your job to do anything for me Zack." Her voice came out low, her eyes glaring darkly at me. "Don't say that because it only makes me sound weaker if it's your 'job' to make sure I'm constantly alright."
I sighed, pushing hair from my forehead and staring as Kendall continued to pack. "Will you at least tell me what happened?"
"You!" She shouted exasperated. "You just have to go and be... you and attract more girls than Victoria Secret on Black Friday. You just have to go and make everyone in love with you and it pains me because today I had to do the most painful thing ever and walk around the whole of fucking London with Nicole and the girls and listen to then talk about how much Nicole fucking loves you like I'm not even there! I got to listen to all those great stories about your childhood, about your parents, when you won't even tell me anything about them yourself and I can live without that. I can live my whole damn life without ever hearing about your parents because I know that you still can't talk about them without getting upset but I can't deal with having to hear about all those great times from Nicole of all fucking people! And what makes this whole thing ten times worse is that you bloody well know that Nicole is in love with you and you know she flirts with you and you know that she hates me but you do nothing! I don't what's worse, hearing about your parents from her or you not doing anything to put a stop to her sick, twisted fantasies about marrying you and raising kids because you damn well know that Nicole wants that."
I'm pretty sure she didn't mean for all of that to burst out suddenly. My conscience is telling me she's mad, that space will sort it out and that if I open my mouth to yell back things will only get worse. But, stupidly, I didn't listen to my conscience and I just had to yell back.
"So now it's my fault that you can't hold a grip?!" Way to go jackass, make her break up with you.
She rolled her eyes. "Zack-"
"No," I interrupted. "You have no fucking right to yell at me, blame your insecurities on me and then expect me to not retaliate. No fucking right. And guess what, I didn't ask Nicole to start sprouting on about my parents. I don't even want her remembering who my parents were! I don't want her flirting with me and I do tell her that I don't like her. That I'm in love with you because fuck it I am Kendall! I don't want Nicole, if it were up to me I'd get us as far away as fucking possible from her but I can't! I don't want Nicole, heck at the moment I don't even want you but I need you Kendall and that sucks for me because every damn day I wake up, I see you and I'm wrapped round your little finger like some puppy. If what you say is true, that I don't stop Nicole from flirting with me than don't you think that I would have broken up with you and gone off with her by now? Can't you get it inside your fucking brain that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not her?"
Now, Kendall and I have had our fair share of arguments but never have they ever been this bad before. We've never shouted at each other like this and my throat actually burns - not from the shouting, but because I directed everything towards Kendall. Because I shouted at Kendall.
I'm such a dick.
Kendall looks pissed, scared and upset and my heart literally shattered seeing her like that. "Get out." She whispered and my mouth dropped open.
"Babe I didn't-" I took a step towards her and she flinched away. My arms dropped by my sides and I nearly broke down. She's afraid of me.
"Don't." She whispered. "I know I'm in the damn wrong here and the second those words left my mouth I wanted so bad to take them back because I'm pissed at myself. That's the reason I was crying by the way. Because yesterday was Jaime's birthday and today is his anniversary and I forgot and I'm pissed at myself and I feel so alone right now and I fucking take back everything I said but you just-" She cut herself off with a sob and then turned her back to me as my whole world came crashing down.
It's her brother's death anniversary and she forgot. She got pissed and yelled at me (for things that, alright, I did) and I just had to go and make things a thousand times worse.
"Just get out."
Now this should be the point where I argue that I'm staying and everything will turn out alright but this isn't Disney and I know Kendall well enough to know that when she says she needs space, she actually needs it.
So I left without another word, jumped back over the fence and didn't even realise I was crying until I walked back into Uncle Si's house and Lauren saw me.
"Zack." The worry etched on her face made me actually properly cry because Lauren counts herself as my mother and the amount of times I've pushed her away makes me feel like shit as well as everything else piles on top of me. She spread out her arms and I fell right into them, letting my inner twelve year old come out as I full on broke down.
"Zack," Lauren sighed rubbing my back. She's taller than me, surprisingly because the media always says she's short but she's not, so burying my face into her shoulder was easy. "Baby what happened?"
I told her that I shouted at Kendall, leaving out what the argument was about; that my throat feels like it's on fire because I yelled at her and that I'm worried - because I am - that Kendall and I won't fix this one.
The argument was petty. It was stupid but I know, I just know, that if we do get out of this I'll forever feel like crap for hurting Kendall.
"It'll be okay sweetie." Lauren sat us down on the couch and smoothed down my hair whilst rubbing my cheeks to get rid of the tears. "I know that right now it seems like your whole relationship is going to crumble down and you'll never fix it but you will. Because it's you and Kendall. You're best friends and when you're dating your best friend the relationship is ten times stronger than any other one."
"But we both seriously messed up." I mumbled, hiccuping. "She looked so scared Lauren, of me! I don't think she's gonna forgive me."
"Zack that girl looks at you like you hold the damn sky." Lauren forced me to look at her. "I know what love looks like and that girl loves you! Not petty puppy love but actual love and I know you love her too because she's the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. What you two have is beautiful, it's rare and you both know that so you have to both stop being stubborn and force your way out of this argument kicking and screaming alright? I, for one, will not let you throw that girl away because you said things you didn't mean. Forget movies and books or anything anyone ever told you about love. You're supposed to decide what happens in your love life and not anyone else and if a girl lives you she will forgive you. Now I know that Kendall's tough, she has morals and I know that she would not stand for whatever you said to her but she's been through so much, and lost so many people she loves to know that throwing you away will not do her or yourself any good."
I stayed silent. Apparently I'm playing the stubborn card.
"She's lost both of her parents, her brother, some good friends and countless other potential family. You've lost your parents and friends too. You two are not normal but only you two know what the other is going through. Give her space, yes, but Zack if you play stubborn than I can bet your sweet ass that Kendall will lie to everyone around you two that she won't need you and it will come to a point where she will believe that lie, so go fight for her. Be stubborn, just be the kind of stubborn that shows her just how much you love her."
A/N: Check out Lauren going deep af! So I know, I know, blowing holes in the Zendall ship and this chapter is painful to write but the story was getting boring and plain and something needed to happen so here's drama *shoves a broken Zendall to you* Do with it what you wish. You guys have been pretty quiet too so here's where you guys get a say in what happens; leave a comment on how the next couple chapters should pan out (bearing in mind Zendall won't be fixed straightaway away) and I'll try get as many ideas in as possible. I will NOT be updating until I get some comments in so PLEASE speak up. I am literally giving you complete control over the story!!! In the comments make sure to include other characters too (maybe even Nicole - we haven't heard from Katy/Megan/Brody/Jackson in a while either). So come on, steal the spotlight from me, rain on my parade, etc. Etc.