Love is a many layered thing. Have you ever heard anyone say that? My parents used to say it all the time. When they were in the kitchen, after I caught them kissing in the shed and even when we were out in public. Cathy used to get so cross about it and I never understood why. Now, I guess it was because she was always happy and single. Love is a many layered thing. I learnt that the hard way. I guess it always has to be the hard way, doesn’t it, never the easy way?
I’m Peter, by the way. I thought I might as well mention it, considering that the next ten minutes is going to be about me talking at you. I live in New York. That’s where I grew up but, to be honest, I would love to be anywhere else. Have you ever thought that you might be a part of something bigger? I get that all the time. My brother didn’t get it. He thought I was crazy. You know, I loved Nathan, but he didn’t make it half as easy as it should have been. He was a politician. He had always just followed what Dad wanted him to be. I couldn’t do that. Despite all the things Dad said he wanted, I’m a nurse. I wanted to, and I’ve got my mind made up, and I can’t let it go. He used to think I was pointless. He thought I was weak. Ma still thinks I am, even though I’m the only one that cares about her. Nathan called her reckless, even when she was in the police station after being attacked. I asked her if she was okay, but Nathan, he kept going on about his election campaign. He was running for congress. Not one hundred percent sure why, but, then I guess it was probably because of Dad.
Nathan and I were always hitting crossroads like this and then Ma got in the way. I cared about him. He kept on telling me that I was wrong and that I’m crazy. We were going to work together, back when Dad was still here. We were going to bring down Linderman and fight him together. Then there was the accident. Nathan was in pieces. At the wheel of the car when they crashed into a tree. Claire’s spine was broken in three places. I tried to help him. I tried to make things right between the two of us, but he pushed me away. Then there was the illness, and the fire, and Nathan got further away. Then there was Sylar. Sylar changed everything. He’d gotten to Cathy and to Dad.
Then Sylar got to Lucy. When it came to Lucy, Nathan and I were always on the same page. She was smart, funny, she would make him laugh and she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Nathan knew that. She was his best friend and she would help with his election campaign. Lucy was beautiful and she was my soul mate. Sylar cut her throat. Lucy, what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? What would you do? What would you do if the man killed the person you love above everything else? You would be afraid that he was coming for your brother next. You would stick together, and that was exactly what we did. Until the very end.
We were on the rooftop of the hospital. He was afraid and I was afraid. Afraid of Sylar and afraid of what he could do. I’d left my bag in the elevator. We’d never talked like that before.
“Remember the last time we were up here, Pete?”
“Yeah, I do”
“You were standing on that edge right there. Like an idiot. Asking me about Dad's depression."
"Remember what you said?"
"I said we’d both..."
"No, no, no. Before that. You denied it."
"It was election year. Denial was the go-to.”
“It seems like a million years ago, huh?”
“And we made it through it together. Made it through all the craziness, you and me. We can make it through anything, Nathan.”
“Because this isn't me. You need to accept that I'm gone."
He jumped off the edge. I grabbed his hand. No one would want to let go.
“I’ve got to move on and be who I am; I just don’t belong here – I hope you understand”
"I need you... to help me. Now pull yourself up, please."
"You're going to have to carry on for the both of us, Pete. Okay? You tell Mom I love her. You take care of Claire. Fight the good fight. You've always been everything that's good in the world, Pete."
"And I got a feeling the world ain't seen nothing yet."
"I can't do this without you."
"You can do anything, Pete. Anything. Remember that. I love you."
"Nathan... I love you, Nathan.”
And then I had to let him go.
That was it.
I had to give a eulogy at his funeral. This is what I said:
“My brother Nathan taught me a lot. He taught me... how to ride a skateboard when I was a kid and he taught me how to catch a baseball. Those are all things usually a father will teach his son. But Dad wasn't around. So it was Nathan. And I wish to hell it would've been my father, because Nathan didn't take it easy. He would throw it high, or he'd throw it wide, and I would yell at him. I'd tell him to throw it right at me, but he'd say to me, "That's not how it's gonna come at you at a game, Pete." I used to think he was just being a big brother and he was picking on me. But now I understand. He just wanted me to be ready... for anything. I'm ready, brother. For whatever comes.”
I wish he was still here. Of course I do. He was my brother. I wish they were all still here. I miss Nathan. I miss Lucy. I miss Cathy. I miss Mohinder and Meredith, Hiro and Claire, Ma and Molly and for some reason I miss Dad too. I can’t bring them back. Do you know what? Life’s for the living, so live it, or you’re better off dead, and I’m not living.
Thank you for reading, even though, you’re probably a cop. It might be Matt. Matt, if it is you, good luck catching Sylar, because, this is my note. That’s what people do, don’t they, leave a note. I’ve never been particularly good at goodbyes Matt, as you probably know, so goodbye, and good luck.