The world is a mean place. Why would the world do this to my sister. My parents let me stay home, because I pretended to have a fever. When they got the call from the principle, they gasped. My mother was in tears, and my dad looked like he was mad at his self for letting what happened happen. I thought all my sister did was self-harm. I didn’t think she was taking drugs, throwing up, or had stopped eating. She weighed like 80 pounds now. When I heard the news, I didn’t know how to react. So much was going on. I was stunned, but not totally. I knew something was going on with her. I noticed her not having breakfast, and thought that she was going to like dunkin or something. I was worried that my parents would check for cuts, or burns on my arms, but they didn’t.. which made me KNOW that they only cared about my sister. Of course that’s all they want to think about now, but why not the other kid they gave birth to? Would it matter to them right now if I just killed myself. I know it may seem a little self-centered, but face it... It’s true.
In the car on the way to the hospital... again, no one said a word. My dad didn’t even look at his IPHONE, like he does all the time. My step mom just stared out the windows. None of them would notice if I was cutting myself right now, so I did. I drew a picture of a teardrop, knowing my mind isn’t dark enough yet. I was addicted to that sensation of feeling invisible. I was addicted to feeling unhappy. I couldn’t snap out of it. I wonder if my sister has ever felt this way before. How could someone so beautiful, do this to herself. I know I called her kind of ugly at the beginning of my story, but throughout the month she has changed drastically. I think this changed her. We both hurt ourselves, and try to look perfect. I never noticed this before. Until now.
I didn’t care until now, that everyone was mean to my sister at school. They made fun of her, and called her a drug dealing goth chick. They called Reed the same thing, and it became worse when they found out he was in the hospital for a suicidal attempt. This is one of the reasons I’m scared of telling just one person about MY cutting. I’m scared that if I attempt suicide, and it doesn't work, that things will just get worse as time goes on. None knew what to say to Ellie when she woke up in the hospital. There was like an hour long pause and then my step mom just walked out of the room. We had no idea where she was going, and if she was going to come back. When she came back she placed a letter folded up on Ellie’s lap. She stared at it for a while, and then finally picked it up. When she opened it, she rolled her eyes, and folded it back up. She then tucked the letter inside her pillow case, and waited for someone to say something. A Doctor came in, and excitedly stated that it was amazing that Ellie’s entire came to see how she was, as if they weren’t coming. Ellie rolled her eyes once more, and just stared down at her blanket. The Doctor walked over to Ellie and whispered something faintly in her ear. Ellie nodded her head, and then the Doctor nodded his as well.
“I think Ellie needs some rest. She will be staying here overnight for probably a couple of nights until her blood sugar goes back up and her heart beats aren’t irregular.” We all nodded and exited the room. For a moment before we exited... I could see a tear run down Ellie’s face. After we got out of the hospital, my dad and step mother drove home. This time my dad was on his phone the entire time, even while he was driving. My step mom seemed agitated about something, like Ellie’s reaction to her letter made her mad at Ellie. If I was Ellie’s parent’s, parents, I would slap them both upside the head, and tell them to snap out of their self-absorption. When I got home I asked my step mother if I could go visit Reed. Her reaction was horrifying.
“WE WERE JUST THERE! YOU JUST OF ASKED THEN!” I nodded my head, and ran upstairs to my room with my head down. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to feel dead, like I wasn’t apart of this world anymore... not that I’m not already. I was too depressed to sleep, and I have forgotten how to cry, so I took out a switchblade, and cut away at my skin. I started with my arms, drawing (WORTHLESS) and, (STUPID) on my wrists. I needed to cover every part of skin I saw, so I kept slicing my arms. At about ten thirty at night, I was done with my arms. I listened to A7X, something Reed showed me, and started on my legs. It felt kind of weird considering I was a boy, and not goth or EMO, so I walked into my sisters room and found some black clothing to wear. All of her clothes didn’t fit...AT ALL. She must of gone shopping so noone would notice how baggy her old clothes were on her. I rummaged through my closet, and didn’t see an article of clothing that was black. All I saw was a Tony Hawk belt, that had rips in the front. I went through my closet again, trying to find the darkest shade I could find. I ended up wearing a brown polo shirt, and a pair of jeans that sagged. I looked really weird when I gave myself a trim on the back of my hair... where my cawlick was.
I stung everywhere, and absolutely hated wearing those pants. So I changed into some pajama bottoms, that I pulled up as I fell asleep. When I woke up, it felt weird not seeing my sister fight with me over whose toothbrush was whose. It also felt weird knowing I wouldn’t have Reed to hang out with me out at school. I didn’t want to pretend to have a fever anymore... because now I could just hide in the bathroom stalls without my parents caring about the class-tardiness throughout the day. They would be thinking of Ellie no matter how bad my reputation at school got. But when I went to school, I was too afraid to hide. I was afraid that someone would say I was acting like my sister. When I got to school My friend asked if I was feeling better. Actually... everyone was. No one asked where Ellie was though. They probably already knew considering she fainted in the middle of the halls.
During class we had a lock down. A couple of police officers came into the building, and pulled some kids out of class to talk to them. I could recognize one of them. One of them was a girl named Emerson. She was one of the prissy, perfect girls that is on all of the high levels of dance. Her table gossiped a lot, and she sent some of her friends to physically bully others. I wonder if she sent someone to bully Ellie or Reed. I wonder if she just verbally, or cyber bullied them. Everyone at the high school knows who she is. Even the seniors. She gets asked to prom like every single year, and never stays with the same guy for more than a month. I can’t blame them, she’s beautiful. Her eyes are blue, she has blonde hair, and she’s.. well... the perfect weight for her age. She’s in all high honor classes, because she pays nerds to do all her work... even tests! She is like a millionair. If someone told on her though, she would get revenge. And BAD revenge, that would scar someone for life. Anyway... she walked out of the room with a guy who, I think carries his machete around wherever he goes. I think he’s a bully in the twelfth grade. None said a word as they walked out. Some people whispered, but so faintly that the teacher who was right next to them, hiding in the corner couldn’t even hear. I can’t blame them, I’d be whispering to Reed, considering the teacher is too old to hear a vocal tone that low, and airy. The speaker went on, and everyone stopped whispering.
“Matthew Corning down to the office please.” A this point I was anxious to know if they were going to check my arms. I just knew, that someone had found out already. Man, if my parents find out, they will force me to get counseling, and might even send me to a mental hospital. Everyone would claim that I was just like my sister and Reed. I walked down as slow as I can, to the office. When I finally arrived, I saw policemen and the two other victims.
One of them smiled at me, officers, and said “ Come right in Matthew.” I relaxed a little more until I saw Emerson in tears, and the bully pounding his fist at a pillow. When I walked in the police officers asked me to go into a place more... private. So I followed them. A police officer with brown eyes, blonde hair, and a santa belly started the talking on what was going on.
“We are going to ask you some question about Reed.”
I gasped, and accidentally yelled “IS HE OK!”
“Yes Matthew, he’s in the hospital. Did you know this?”
“Yes sir. I saw him a couple days ago.”
“Okay, let’s get started then. Have you noticed any bullying going on with Reed?”
“Ummm, I know he got cyber bullied, just not sure who.” He started writing this down on a piece of paper with one of those really nice pens.
“And how would you know this.”
“I saw a picture of him hugging my sister online with words on it that said (Goth’s in love). I know for a fact that neither of them are goth. Everyone know’s how they both are depressed and wear black all the time. I mean... I don’t think they are goth. Reed would of said something to me if he was.”
“Reed said you two were friends.”
“Yes.. wait... when did you talk to Reed?”
“I saw him today, he’s doing just fine. He’s still recovering from everything still in the hospital.”
The entire time we should sort of went off on a bunny trail, talking about when I will get to see him next, and how he is doing. When the bell rang, I ran down to my classroom and started packing my bags. When I picked up my lock on my locker, I felt a big jam on my left eye. It started bleeding, and I was now on the ground. I saw one of Emerson’s friends in the front, and Emerson yelling at me “I knew it was you! I knew it was you! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!” They ran away laughing their heads off, as I got up off the ground. I put on a baseball cap I found in the lost and found, and started walking to my assigned bus outside. When I got home, I looked in the mirror at my hideous eye. I didn’t even know what colors there were because the bruise was so bad. The bleeding had stopped, but now I have a big scar on the side of my eye. I realized no one was home, and surfed the net all day long.