All I can say is that--- it was enchanting to meet you.

"Just jump of the edge with me." She said in an almost desperate tone of voice as she looked at me, the redhaired girl who was slowly fading away into the darkness of her own heart, but how? How do you let go of all the control you have been gathering for years?

The answer is; i don't know, because I sure never did.


1. just friends

She wasn't just a friend to me.

We were a group of friends and in the start, we both just sort of was there. Neither of us just fit in, until we found each other and it was like I had found a missing piece of myself and I had. Though in the start, she was my best friend and just that. I never imagined I'd fall for someone any time soon, and let alone a girl. We talked for hours, sent snapchats, skyped and wrote like maniacs. At least that was what it felt like, and so did being with her. It felt like I had known her my entire life and that nothing, nothing would ever tear us apart. When she said, "goodnight, I love you." And when I said it back, something always happened. It didn't feel like love to me, it felt like safety and approval. Things I had been looking for my entire life, and even though I hadn't lived long, it sure felt like a long time. 

She became my best friend and we just fit together like two pieces of a broken heart, expect hers was in the process of mending and mine was still breaking. Slowly depression and pain sneaked up on me and I let her watch by on first row as fear slowly began to eat up our friendship. I became paranoid, I wanted to be the only one looking at her, seeing her, being with her. Jealousy was raging inside of me as my heart broke over and over and over...

Not long after, my worst nightmare became true. We got in fights, not one, not two. Not anything huge, but enough to make us fall apart. We stopped talking. It felt like years, and i had never been more alone. I told myself over and over and over that it was okay, and that it was all my fault. I hated the thought of her leaving me which was what had happened. I had nothing and no one to wake up to, it felt like fell.

How do you live without the other half of your heart? What do you do as you slowly realize that you actually belong to this person who lives miles and miles away from you? Exactly. I didn't know either of those things. I just had to, there was no other option... Or so I thought...

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