13. December 10th
You see a video from Justin's concert yesterday and see him cry. Not really cry but the way he cries when he doesn't want anyone to see it. Inside. It's while he's singing Be Alright. You can totally relate to that song. It's also written for you but still. It's amazing.
"Are you still mad at me?" he asks through the phone.
You nod, "I'm mad at you.. But I'm getting over it.."
"Thank god.. Amazing.. I can't wait to spend next with you.. The whole year... It's gonna be amazing.." he sighs.
"Well" you giggle, "I can't wait either.. It's gonna be great.. As a couple or not.."
"What?" he asks in disbelief.
"I'm just kidding Justin" you laugh, "gotcha.."
"You're gonna pay for that *y/n*" he laughs, "I gotta go.. Love you.."
You sigh, "when I say this remember I'll still mad at you... I love you too."
"Thank you *y/n*.. I gotta go bye.. Love you beautiful" he says as he hangs up.
You sigh, "what to do?" You feel like you know him. You know how he reacts in different situation. You know his heart. You know that he wouldn't hurt you on purpose. You know his heart and what he feels for you. You know that he loves you. But still it's hard for you to choose. You want him, but you know you'll end up hurt. Even though you know this, your hearts tells you that this could be it. This could be your shot, to be together, like the first year when you first met. Your heart just knows it. But your brain is constantly having a fight with your heart about right and wrong. About wether you should use your time on your relationship or try to move on from it. You know what's best for you and you know what's best for your heart. But you and your heart need him. You can't live without him. It's as simple as that. Yet it's not as simple as it should be. You know it's not normal to get your heart broken every time you're away from each other and you know it's not normal to fight this much for something that might never work out.
When you're together everything makes sense and it feels like you're invincible and nothing can ever tear you apart. But then something so stupid ruins it all.
It'll never be the same again. And you know it.
"She finally said I love you too" you exclaim happily, even though you know she's in doubt right now. She seems happy when you're together, but then it all gets ruined by you. You feel like the reason why she's so sad is you and only you. And no one can do anything about. You feel helpless. You don't know what to do, other than get some kind of therapy or something. But you really don't wanna do it.
Somehow you wanna go, but that's only because *y/n* believes it would. You still haven't made up your mind yet about that subject.
"That's great man" Alfredo smiles at you. You smile back less happy than before, "but I also know that this won't be forever.." "What?!" he says. "I said I know this won't be forever.. I mess up every single time and I know I can't keep doing that.. I won't let myself let her into this once again.. And plus she said it herself.. She never says this.. And I feel terrible for treating her like this" you explain looking down. It hurts in every muscle in your body when you tell him this and when you think about that *y/n* and you won't be together forever. You'll loose her to something so stupid. You'll loose her because you can't control yourself. It's stupid though. I better shape up, you think.
"Stand up and be a man Justin... I know you can do it.. I know you can be man enough to have one girl at a time" he teases. "Shut it" you look seriously at him. "I know.. But I know you can do it.. I just know it" he smiles.
You don't know what to do. You've been thinking and thinking and there's no conclusion. You're stuck in this love. Everything you try leads you back to Justin. This relationship is the best you've ever had and yet the worst. You love each other more than anything, but he always seems to mess it up when it's best.
You're really confused.