I am not stupid. I am aware of what is happening and I decided to be a part of whatever is she plans. I do not care what is she up to but I’ll be sure to be sticking with her no matter what happens. I’ll stand beside her every todays and tomorrows. I’ll be her boyfriend now.
“I should take you home to rest.” I look at her and she saddens more.
The shaking of her head is screaming a NO to me and that makes me smile. I do not want to leave her side, not tonight when I see how she looked at how broken the guy she loves too much. I know she chose to be with me because she thinks it is the choice she needed to choose---being miserable with the guy she would never love because someone died out of miserable and she thinks it is her fault when really it is not.
The guy she would never love. I am that guy. The reality hurts more than I thought.
“I’ll take you to my apartment then. Would you mind sending your mom a text telling them you’ll be with me?”
She would not response at all when I talk about her parents. She would not even consider it. She will just shut her eyes and try to drift to sleep as I look at her for a minute and back to the road.
I sigh. Her mom would call me later when Cate’s in bed. Catherine, Cate’s mom, knows when to call. I can’t really phone them with Cate’s around me watching. She doesn’t like that. She doesn’t like me talking to her parents now. I know why, because she thinks they will spill her secrets to me and when that happens, her plans will all be dumped. This is how everything works now, I got to pretend I know nothing as she do her magic of feigning things.
I love her that much that I will do everything just to be by her side even if she thinks she would never love me back. I’ll make sure she is wrong about that.
I glance at her before jumping out my car. She’s asleep or maybe pretending to be sleeping.
I run to her door and when I am about to carry her, she opens her eyes and flashes me a force smile.
“I’m okay” her eyes say it all. She don’t need a voice to say it.
“I have something for you. I think you’ll love it.” I say and I close her door. She glance at me and give me a weak smile.
I wish she’ll give me one of her smiles that can reach her eyes. I am desperate to see that smile again so I will do anything to return the bright smile on her face.
The silence between us is different. It is pure of grief and hopelessness. I do not bother to say something to her. She is off the world, she won’t even bother to try to hear me this time.
The elevator opens and we are welcome by the shouting of the couple who are my neighbors.
“This is not the kind of place you might want to stay, Cate.”
I am still struggling to call her by that name. It may take me forever to call her that.
“I’ll be fine” She says and I nod at her.
I loop my arm around her waist and walks in the middle of the fighting couple. The girl is throwing all his things to him and firing all the worst words a lady could say and I dance with Cate to pass without being hit by the pouch which is surely has not misses the guy buy the head. That’s hurt.
“Sorry about my worst neighbors.” Like she doesn’t know about this. It happens all the time. Maybe the couple is not that happy with their life without fighting.
“They sure love each other.”
“If you mean hurting one another is loving, then they surely do.” I smile at her and open my door leading her in.
My surprise is sitting by the navy couch and you will not miss seeing it as you enter the door. She stands frozen.
“I thought you’ll love to see Kit.”
Kit is the living size bear I gave her last time I left the country. She named it Kit and she surely does love to hug him more than me.
She just nod staring at Kit. And I am wrong, she doesn’t want Kit here. The sight of Kit is hurting her more.
God, she is not she! Why on Earth I am this dumb to even try it? I am losing my shits now.