I'm all alone. I have been. I have those few close friends but that doesn't mean anything. I bet they all think I'm a nightmare to be around.. i bet they do. At night I cry my eyes out, I just lay awake thinking about all the times I've fought and how I'm scared to let go because of the person who I live for. There is no hope for me. I'm lost I'm done. I keep on having these visions. They really creep me out like someone or something is going to come and take me and my brothers and sisters away again, it's hard the first time, but if it happens again.. I just can't stay strong not for the second time when i can't look after myself to save my life.
Everything just keeps on getting the better of me. It controls me, my mind and my actions. I just wanna scream, screaming, crying, harming myself that's the only thing that helps.. Call me insane whatever, but I bet you all have your ways to deal with the pain as I do. It was midday, September 22nd, the sun was shining, there was a light gentle breeze it was the weekend, not much planned... Although I had to go to some lame party, no matter how much I tried to get out of it I couldn't, I physically couldn't go, or even get out of bed, I don't know what it even was. The whole I was fine, then the weekend came speeding up and it felt as if I was dead, like whenever I tried to get out of bed, it just dragged me back in. This had happened a few times now, I never understood why though, I really wish I knew why I kept feeling like this, mums reaction every time I told her "Oh grow the hell up Krystal there is nothing the matter with you, your just being a grumpy old teenager, you will work yourself out soon enough you'll see" and my dad well he didn't really care to be honest "oh really you just need some rest, your tired that's what it is" aren't parents supposed to be supportive? Ha. No, not mine. My cat listens more to me then they ever do. Anyway back to now. "Krystal, get up out of your bed before I have to come upstairs and drag you, your so lazy!!" my mum yelled at me from at the bottom of the stairs. My mum was beautiful, her brown glossy hair shining when the sun was beating down on it, gosh she was stunning she had an amazing figure. People often mistaken us for sisters. Maybe, just maybe that was my problem, having my mum being prettier, skinnier and worth more than I am, maybe I felt kinda I don't know what's the word they use nowadays..Alone?
"I'm coming, mum. Just give me 5 minutes to get ready.." I got up out of bed, everything ached, just everything ached. I seemed so weak, and I hadn't even got up out of bed, so how an earth could I feel this weak. I ran down the hall to the bathroom my face was pale, almost as pale as a ghost. What's wrong with me, why I am feeling this way?