Dear Indication

"I feel so greatly insignificant," I tell her, tears forming in my eyes. She just shrugs. "I know you do, Scarlett." She pauses, her eyes telling me the story of how she fell in and out of love, and seeing all the scars left on her soul, that she did - and still doesn't - deserve. This is the thoughts of an insignificant, non-mattering teenage girl, who's life is a mess right now. It's a story about wanting to find love, despite seeing it fall apart right in front of you. It's my story.

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3. 18:48 | Thursday |4th of December 2014

Today, I thought about you. I thought about you in a way I never thought I would think about you. I thought of you as a memory; because truly, what more are you to me now? What more than laughs barely remembered and car rides to places almost forgotten are you to me now? What more than blonde hair and blue eyes will I remember years from now? 

I remember the first time we met, you know. I was a little, careful and nervous girl who was scared of all of you seeing the scars that marked my body. But after six months, opening up for the scars on my soul seemed like the most natural thing to do. And you accepted it. 

But after a while, scars turned into cuts and my soul became darker. I get what a burden I've been, I really do. And I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, and truly I don't want you anymore. I want the memories to be real again and the feeling of having a best friend back. But that's it. I don't want you and your idea of how to live life at its fullest, when I know exactly how happy I can be without you. 

 

I miss you though. Maybe it's the memories. Maybe it's the time we almost fainted from laughing so much, and maybe - maybe it's the nights where none of us could sleep and we would sit on each side of an island, each on our side of the screen and we would just write. Maybe it's the excitement we had when we went to concerts, and when the new album was released. And it's almost Christmas now... We used to be so excited together. I just... Damn, I miss you.

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