[OKAY, let me explain a little bit here because this book cannot go on forever (obviously there will be a part 2) but this is going to be one of the last chapters. prepare yourselves because it's about to get ugly as fuck right now. Shit is about to hit the fan! hope you all love serious drama! xxbella]
My heart was pounding, this was one of our last performances and I have a huge secret that I can tell no one. I placed my hand over my stomach and swallowed as I was about to be raised up on stage. I was breathing heavy, I need to Niall right after this.
We spent nights together on the bus with everyone, but we had a few nights to ourselves. I regret everything I've done, this is no joke right now and I know that everyone's going to laugh whenever I spill my guts to them, I've done a really bad thing. I feel my eyes starting to tear up as I pray that this concert never fucking ends!
I'm beginning to regret this whole thing even before I put the mic to my mouth, I've dug a whole and I don't know how to get out. Months with One Direction, with Niall even that almost two weeks with Harry. Ugh fuck. I put the mic to my lips and sing the lyrics 'Over my Head' by The Fray. Because that's exactly what I've done, I've put myself way over my head.
I pray that no one was watching, I pray that no one can hear my voice literally breaking as I sing. I keep thinking of what he's going to say after we get back on the bus and pack for one more concert in Australia. He's going to hate me, even though it wasn't my fault! I didn't know that it wasn't working, it happened so many time for me and nothing happened then? It was the alcohol, I bet you any money that's what it was.
There was nothing exciting about this performance, and I could tell that the fans weren't feeling it. Much like I was right now, I just wanted off this stage. I wasn't feeling good because the nerves in my stomach were irrupting into huge regret, making it that much worse. This is going to end both our careers, holy fuck.
"I just wanted to thank everyone for coming, weather you live here or you traveled! Thank you all so much for letting me join your fandom, because I myself know how hard it is to join those!" I said with a wink. Everyone screamed, I smiled with my eyes closed, "we have one more stop before this tour is over and I can't feel as blessed as I feel right now. You're the best fans anyone could ask for and I'm so glad I got to grow on you guys!" I said one last thank you before walking off stage, basically running to the bathroom and puking my guts up.
There was a silent knock at the door. "I'll be a few minuets." I said in heaves as everything I've eaten this morning comes back up, I cursed as my ribs felt like they were breaking. I kept thinking of Niall and how he was going to take this, making me puke even more. "Holy fuck." I almost cried, placing my hand on my stomach and rubbing it in circles, trying to ease the pain. I was completely fucking heart broken right now, not just because this was the last street before my journey ends, but because I know I have to face him somehow and the idea of Niall hating me made me hate myself.
I wiped the corner of my mouth and stood up, my heels clicking against the floor as I walked over to the counter; starring at myself in the mirror. My makeup was running under my eyes due to throwing up and almost crying, sweat was clear on my face as I splashed water over it. I sighed a loud and long sigh before washing my mouth out and walking out the door again. Niall was standing by the other wall waiting for me, his eyes connected with mine and he smiled. I put my finger up to him and said " Just a sec." Before running back into the bathroom and heaving into the toilet again.
"Braelynn, snap the fuck out of it. He told you he loved you and he wouldn't lie to you. He already told the fans and they still love you, this is going to be easy to tell him." I tried to coach myself. "Ah fuck, who am I even kidding?" I whispered and waved myself off. I walked back out but he was gone this time, on stage and I stood out back and waited for him. "Lou." I said whenever I seen her walk by with Lux.
She came over and I knelt down, playing with Lux and telling her how cute she was. "Yes." She said with a giggle as Lux slapped me in the face playfully.
"Hey now, that's not nice." I said to Lux and she laughed, bringing herself into me and hugging me.
I stood up and looked at Lou, "You're going to be a good mum." She winked. I almost dropped Lux, she laughed and stared at me. "Mothers just know, Braelynn." I gulped and looked down at the floor, she walked away and left me with her little baby. I didn't mind, I always babysit Lux for her.
I couldn't even blink I was so taken back by her comment, I wasn't showing yet so how did she know? I sat on the couch and Lux looked at me, her legs straddling my sides and she laughed at me. I raised an eyebrow which made her laugh even more. "What's so funny?" I asked her, squinting my eyes and she went into a fit of laughter. A baby's laugh is probably the best laugh I've ever heard in my life, especially Lux's because it was just so warm and innocent. She poked my nose. making me make a funny face to her. "Oh you like funny faces?" I asked and she nodded her head, giggling a little 'yes'
I went cross-eyed and and blew my cheeks out at her. After hours of playing with her, Lou came back and sat beside me. "So." She says and I know exactly what she's going to say, I was just hoping she wouldn't be so blunt. "You're going to tell him, right?" She asked and I bowed my head.
"Actually, the more I thought about it the more I think I shouldn't." I tell her and make another funny face at Lux. "I mean, I'm just going to go home and go on with my life as is he and he'll never know."
"Braelynn, once you're in the eyes of the media, especially this fandom.... You don't get out that easily. You might go home but you'll have a bump and people will know you and if they know you and Niall had a thing, you don't think they'll put two-n-two together? Think about that for a second." She explained.
I nodded my head, "I'll ruin his career." I whispered and looked at her whenever Lux finally laid her head back on my shoulder. "I love him too much to do that to him." I told her, my eyes starting to swell. "I can't make him take time off just because of my stupid mistake of getting drunk and having sex, weather I'm on the pill or not. I shouldn't have been so stupid. I know that alcohol makes the pills less effective." I whine and drop my head down the couch.
She moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me. "Niall is a very understanding man, I don't think you understand how badly he wants to be a father. He talks about Theo like it's his own and he always says how much he loves children. Don't be foolish, he might have to put everything on hold for a little while but that's okay." She said and kissed my forehead.
"How did you know?" I asked her.
"Because, you've been getting sick for the last couple days and you haven't been eating what you usually eat and you're eating what you usually don't eat." She paused. "Just explain to him." She said in a whisper and took Lux off me whenever she heard the boys coming from off stage.
I took a big deep breath in and cleaned my face off before they walked in. Niall picked me up and kissed me, "Niall don't spin me!" I laughed, "I'll throw up on you." He laughed and kissed my forehead. We all walked out to the car waiting outside after we got all our stuff, my mind went back to what Lou said.
Niall is very understanding and he does say how badly he wants kids someday. But that 'someday' is probably whenever he retires. I don't know how to tell him, I don't know if I want to tell him. Because there's a huge issue here, and I'm not sure if it's a possibility but you never know.
I am pregnant. But I don't know if it's Niall's or Harry's.
After hours on a plane we were in Aussi, one of my favourite places. Braelynn isn't as fun as she use to be, she use to run around and play with all of us like we were her kids but now all she does is eat and sleep and throw up. I think she might be sick, but that's one of the pros of being on tour, you get sick a lot.
"What's wrong with her?" Louis asks as he looks at Braelynn that's currently passed out in my lap. "She's been sick for a few weeks now, shouldn't she see a doctor?"
"Yeah probably." I said and put my hand threw her hair. Her skin was so soft, even when it's slightly hot. I kissed her forehead and laid back in chair of plane and closed my eyes.
"Maybe she's pregnant." Zayn said with a little laugh, even thought that's not funny. Harry hit his head off the chair in front of him and started wildly coughing. "What's your issue?" Zayn said and patted Harry's back, trying to get rid of the coughing fit. He put his hand in the air, waving it and holding his chest.
"Nothing, that's just a very serious word and we shouldn't use it." He said with a scratchy voice. He cleared his throat and I cocked an eyebrow at him, "that's the last thing we need." He said and coughed again.
"I don't think she is, but if she was I don't know what I'd do." I said and rubbed my face, she's not really showing signs? I really don't know what the signs are but she defiantly isn't, she would've told me. We all put our seat belts on whenever we were about to land, I shook Braelynn awake and she sleepily put her belt on and then fell back asleep.
We boarded off the plane, Braelynn was the last one off and she was very sluggish. Practically dragging herself over to me, her head laying on my arm and I helped keep her up. She sat down as soon as we were in the gate, her head hung low as her hands were on her stomach, elbows resting on the sides of the chair. "Maybe you should go to a doctor." I suggested.
"Nah, I'll be fine." She smiled and kissed my cheek, making my stomach flutter. We picked our stuff up and left the airport for the hotel, finally getting out of that tour bus. This was our last stop before we all head home, and I was thinking about asking Braelynn to come home with me again. I think she would say yes, we could even go to her's first if she wanted too. The idea of making this last with her made my cheeks heat up, she was way different than any other girl and I would do anything to keep her as mine.
She clung onto me as we walked threw a huge crowd, she handled it very well for being as sick as she is. She stopped multiple times to take photos and talk to fans, even with security picking her up and taking her away from them. We all did it though, but she was a very stubborn women. She made sure she got to every that called her name, even taking their phones and taking a photo as security dragged her to the car. "I told you no pictures!" He said and placed her in the car. She stuck her tongue out at him and leaned into the seat.
We all followed pursuit and buckled up, she had a little more colour to her now and seemed to be doing fine. We decided on pizza whenever we got to the hotel, she was a little too cuddly, always touching me as if I was leaving tonight and she'd never see me again. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked her whenever we were left a lone for a few, the boys went and got the pizza. "You've been acting really weird." I told her and she breathed in, closing her eyes and then opening them whenever I touched her cheek.
"You're just... acting different?" I said and she breathed out. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." I pressed and she turned away from me, but I caught her hand and turned her around again. "Braelynn, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?" Something's defiantly wrong and I don't understand why she won't tell me because it's starting to get frustrating. We always talk to each other when somethings up, why is she stopping right now?
I picked her up whenever she tried to get away again, I hugged her into my chest as her legs wrapped around me. Her hands went to my face and she kissed it everywhere while muttering a sorry in between them. "I'm so sorry." She said and looked at me, her eyes started to flood and I sat down on the bed slowly, still holding her. "I didn't mean to, I should've remembered that alcohol can do that, if that's even the night it happened." She said and piled her face into my neck.
My heart was pounding, what did she do? "What happened." I said in a blank tone.
"I don't want to tell you because you're going to hate me and never talk to me again and I love you too much to loose you!"
My eyes widened. "You didn't cheat on me did you?" I asked in a whisper. She looked at me with her eyebrows scrunched up, shaking her head. "Oh Jesus, I thought you were going to say you cheated on me." I said and breathed out my mouth.
"Niall, it's worse than that." She almost stuttered, what could be worse than being cheated on? She took my hand and placed it over top of her stomach, at first I didn't get it.. Like at all. I just sat there with her in my arms, straddling my sides and her holding my hand to her stomach. I couldn't even talk, I just didn't understand. "Niall." She said in a low voice. "I'm pregnant."
My eyes darted up to her face and she started crying even harder. My eyes were wide and I still didn't understand, "Is it mine?" I asked, well who's else would it be? "You're.. Pregnant." I said in a low voice, not sure how to react.
"I know you hate me, I'm so sorry!" She almost screamed and got off my lap, I felt a void when she left. She stood across the room just looking at me. "I know this is bad but I'll leave after this is over and go home and no one will ever know! I'll just keep a low profile and I'll have it and you'll just go on with your life and you career!" She belted out words that were repeatedly slapping me across the face. "I'll leave right now if you me to! Just say something Niall, please!" She begged.
I stood up and walked over to her, my arms wrapped around her and she latched on to me. She was crying and sobbing really hard, "Please don't hate me! I promise I'll just leave!" She screamed into my shirt.
I knelt down to her level and held her face in my hands. I was shaking my head, a serious face on and I looked at her. "Baby, shh. I don't hate you and I don't want you to leave." I said in a low, but rushed voice. My hands went to the back of her hair, trying to pleasure her in some kind of way. "I'm leaving you and you're not leaving me, got it?" I said and she nodded her head, hugging me.
"I just thought you would want me to get rid of it." She cried into me.
"Jesus no, I love that baby already." I told her and she smiled at me. I placed my hand on her stomach, "How far along are you?" I asked and she shrugged her shoulders.
"Whenever I took the test it said that I was already 5 plus weeks..." She looked down at the ground. "I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out but I thought it would be easier to just go home after this and not tell you anything. Just go on with my life like I never met you." She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "I'm going to ruin your career." She muttered and huffed.
"I don't know why you keep saying that?" I said to her, that statement made me a little mad. "The only thing that this is going to do is make everything better. Now I have something better to come home to every night, I love my family and all but having my own family is so much better." I explained and she nodded her head. "I want you to come back home with me after this tour? We'll have months to ourselves."
"Okay." She whispered and I picked her back up, hugging her tightly. This scared the shit out of me, but I was so excited at the same time. I can't wait to get home and tell my mom.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA !! ahah hey, so this wasn't full of much 'drama' but i was actually saying that as in these next few chapters are going to be full of it. HARRY'S GOING TO LOOSE HIS FUCKING MIND I'LL TELL YOU GUYS THAT! xxbella