That's it. She was gone just as fast as she had come. The one person I thought that I could actually open up to, is gone...forever. No more cuddling when it was cold out. Or watching how she watched movies; when it was romantic, she would smile and tear up a bit. No more picnics under the night sky. No more seeing her beautiful face in the morning. She was gorgeous when she woke up. Her hair arranged perfectly around her face. Her makeup sometimes smudged from the crazy night before. She looked like a goddess to me. Oh the things I would give to hold her again; to smell her again; to see her again.
You know how you have that crazy dream where you are falling, but you, thankfully, wake up before you hit the ground? Well, if you hit the ground, you're dead. I recall numerous times when Karen would wake up in the middle of the night crying and shaking. Each time when I asked her what was wrong, she would look at me and say,"I almost hit the ground." Then, I would hold onto her so tight, afraid that if I let go, she would be gone. We would lay there in each others arms crying till we fell asleep. Her dream was so scary. Her and I both knew exactly what it meant: she was dying. Not quite there yet, but she didn't have much time to live. We lived every day like it was our last. That is, until she began showing signs of...well, you know...dying.
She was so pale. She had dark circles under her eyes, and a sad look on her face at all times. It killed me to see her that way. I always wanted my princess to have everything in the world that she ever wanted. But now, the only thing she wanted, was to have a life. And I couldn't give her that. If I could've given her my life, I would've. Waking up in the hospital room every morning was like a nightmare. It reminded me that Karen was dying. It reminded me that I would be lonely. It reminded me that I would never be able to see her. I didn't want that. God, I didn't want that!
We had our wedding not long before she passed. I meant every word I said. And I wrote my vows myself:
Karen Goodman, I love you more than words could ever explain. You brighten my day when the dark skies cloud. You pick me up when I'm felling down. It's like you're a part of me that I once lost, but has joined me finally at last. To be honest, I knew there was something special about you when I first met you. I couldn't put my finger on it. But now I know. You're perfect. I know that we will get in little disputes and fights, but in the end, we'll be together. Karen LeeAnne Goodman, I vow to cherish you for as long as I shall live. You are my everything and you always will be. I will never be able to love someone as much as I love you. And I'm glad to be making you my Mrs. Horan on this spectacular day. I love you.
It was the best day of my life. But then, she passed, and my life has been full of sorrow, melancholy, depression, and bitterness. Karen, if you're watching over me right now, I miss you.
(*I almost started crying while writing this chapter! I could just imagine being Niall and telling someone about all of this. Anyways, tell me what you think in the comments and be sure toread my mumbles to know about upcoming things! ily!!!! <3*)