I lay restless on my bed peering out the crack of my curtains watching the charcoal black sky shift to the light murky blue of an early morning. The blanket below me warmed my cold goose bump prickled skin wrapping me with comfort. My feet throbbed from two hours of wandering around the city and finding my way home. I should've of stayed for a ride but I needed to be home in my room.
Everyone was still asleep in their beds leaving the house silent beside the faint sound of my breathing. I turned to my bedside table and reached for my phone dialing Dahlia.
"Hello?" she asked sounding like she barely had any sleep.
"Dahlia it's Bridget you stoop." I say
"Bridget god dammit-" I hear her shifting in the background whispering to Zayn she's going to the restroom. Then I hear a door open and shut. "How in the hell did you get home?"
I could imagine her frowning.
"I caught a cab don't worry." I lied. I had a feeling she was doing that thing were she pursed her lips then squinted her eyes in an ugly way questioning what I said. I sighed into the receiver and waited for her response. It took her a long time but she finally got it out.
"What's the first thing on your list?" she ask. I run my hand through my barely there hair and think in order. Sometimes I doubt her though. Even with her being my best friend and all. I reconsider what I told myself when I first made it. Never tell a soul. I push the thought to the back of my mind and refocus into the conversation.
"To do something to free myself.."
"Re-word that please. I know what you mean but just don't try to be poetic about it." she puffs into the phone. I smile and put on my imaginary big girl panties. Would big girl painties be considered a thong? Or is that far off the radar?
"I want to do drugs." I blurt out. She laughs on the other end of the phone. My conscience screams inside my head. What are you doing? Why are you hurting yourself more than you already are? I mute the voice. "My girl's going out with bang, see ya in a minute. I'm coming over." she hangs up.
I throw my phone into the corner of my room and dive deep under my covers as I hear my mother emerge from her bedroom and making a trek towards mine. Slowly I hear my door open and I feel my mother's weight causing a dip in the bed beside me. " I'm not sure why you hate me Bridget but it's killing me." she whispers. I pretend to sleep.
"I know what you did last night." she says.
Does she usually talk to me while I'm asleep.. or at least pretending too.
she continues "and I'm sorry."
sorry for what?
"well I'm sorry first off that the sex sucked." she laughs
I'm going to kill Dahlia. Like what the hell?
"she was really worried about you. Called me a little before you got back. I didn't go back to sleep until I heard you come through the door." she explained
"Isabella told me she was counting the days until you died. Called you a bitch straight to my face. Bright language for a 5th grader." she sucked in a shuddering breath. "You have been so distant and hellish since you decided you stop your cancer treatment. To stop caring for yourself. You are so selfish for taking yourself away from me, your mother." she started to sob now.
my mom was crying...really crying.
" I hate you for it Bridget. I really hate you." she barely let the words come out her mouth. But I heard her. She got up and exited the room quietly leaving my door astray.
I hate you too mom.
I let myself cry under my sheets.
I let my feet pound against the pavement as I made my way across the street . Yes, across the street to toolbox boy. who in fact strangely had what I needed. Fire. I had a litttle time before Dahlia came and I wanted to use it on fire.
I carried a shoebox of memories and bullshit up to his fence. Then nervously I called out to him. "Hey?"
He slowly turned towards me wiping off his dirty...attractive...but dirty hands. "You're the girl from the house across the street right?" He asked approaching me from the other side of the fence. He sorta knew who I was? I mentally smiled.
"Well yeah i'm your neighbor but I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" I tried to keep my voice from shaking. That would be terribly embarassing. He ran his fingers through his hair thinking for a minute before opening the gate to his fence. "Sure why not?"
I followed him back over to his car. I considered why he would randomly have a prepared campfire pit inhis front yard but I pushed the thought away.
"so what do you want?" he asked me whille cleaning off his hands. "well I was wondering if I could use your fire for a sec."
He stared at me or minute before shrugging "go ahead."
I went to go sit in front the fire. I opened the box revealing pictures and gift cards and anything else that people send to you when you die. I picked up my first pile of photos and tossed them in. The material burned quickly and easily. Just as I hoped it would. Does that make me weird or deranged?
"woah why are you tossing pictures?"he showed up next to me.
I ignored his question. "I'm Bridget by the way.'
He cleared his throat and sat down next to me in the dirt. "I'm Niall. but why?" he reached for some photos and started fipping through them. "do you always invade people's personal space?" I asked. He looked up at me with his eyebrows raised. "Did You forget this is my lawn your on and my fire you are using to burn things?" he smiled and continued to flip. I shrugged. He had made a valid point and made me look stupid.
"so what are you up to?" I asked watching some get well cards burn in the fire "I mean with the car." I added. He looked at me then to the car smiling. "well i'm just trying to fix her up." he started but my attention had drifted to the mushrooms growing in the garden on the side of his yard. What kind of boy had I been stalking?
"Are those mushrooms?" I cut him off. He followed the direction of my gaze.
"Um yeah.. Why?" he questioned me slowly.
"Can I have some?"
somebody kill me now.
"You don't come off as that type of girl Bridget." he says. I shrug "Neither do you Niall."
"well i'm not a girl so that statment seems valid." he smirks at me
That face just killed me. He murdered my god damn eyesight.
I throw the last of my shoebox's possesions in the fire and get up to leave. " well nice chat Niall I think i'm about to go off YOUR lawn and stop using YOUR fire." I joke turning back to the fence.
As i'm walking away mentally assessing what I said to him he calls out to me.
"If you really want those mushrooms you could stop by later on Bridget."
I smile "sure."
I limp back to my house.
Sorry for the wait
also i love you
and this story is life to me
so comment like really comment; like and fav to
I mean if ya want