chapter 28 bro lol I'm being a weirdo. i think its time to change up the chapter and little bit of the book lol you be wondering what's gonna happen in the book just wait and find out and read my new book called Used or Played its a harlena fanfiction ....
whatever your going thought or anything I'm always here to talk i don't like when someone try's to harm them. I'm not gonna like to you i used to think killing myself because i though i wasn't worth living but i soon reason i have so much out there for me, now days all i hear is kids killing themselves because there not happy with there life or them self. its hurts me seeing not. I'm still going through depression and the things i haven't told my mother about because I'm scared of her taking over board I'm scared that she won't love me anymore but i come to realize it she love me for me she said no matter what your feeling you can always come to me, I'm here for you. I'm planning on telling what I'm feeling and just want to let it out and front of her and tell her everything, i promise you you are gonan get better you just keep trying i don't want you saying i can't when i know you can you have the power to fight your demons and I'm still fighting mine if you show your inner demons your fighting that means your winning there war. well that's all i have to say
i love you guys please stay strong for me.
Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are. I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. i never knew beauty was so beautiful in so many ways. but to me i think beauty comes naturally. I'm in with a beauty, she doesn't see it but i do, i want her to know she beauty and beautiful. she the light of my dark and I'm the dark of her night. she the sun and I'm the moon. there's so much she know about her, the way she move her lips, how her some eyes become hazel in the sun and brown in the dark. the way her cheeks get red as lip stick. She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies, And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
The first time I saw her, my heart fell. The second time I saw her, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen.
I stared at her.
she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. her hair, her eyes, her lips, her body that she haven't grown into, the way she walks, smile, laugh, the way her cheeks drop when she mad or upset, the way she drag her feet when she tired. Every single thing about her is beautiful.
I stared at her.
When I see her the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is her and my eyes staring at her. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops and it is a beautiful place and there is only her. Just her, and my eyes staring at her.
When she gone, the World starts again, and I don't like it as much. I can live in it, but I don't like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see her again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It's the best fucking thing I've ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at her.
I'm so nervous my palms are sweaty like shit, and i can't stop taping my feet because right now I'm at the Jewelry place getting ring for her. and after that i need to start getting everything ready. I'm planning on asking her to marry me before i leave the x factor like in 1 week. she has been getting school stuff ready, because when i come back we will be graduation. i have noticing Serena has been looking down every time i come over i see her sit in the corner of her room, she would just grab the necklace plays with it. when she playing with the necklace i know she down or upset about something. and yes i have been staying the night here, me and her placing live with each other at my house or her house because she has my shirts in room and i have her clothes in my room. she even wears my shirt too. i need to find out what's running through her. i need to make her feel Bette before she harms herself again the last i saw do that was when we were at school, i did ask her if she has been doing but she said she hasn't sometimes i feel like she lying to me and the same time telling the truth.
" excuse me sir " a lady said coming through my thoughts.
" oh sorry miss "
" its okay, and how can i how you "
" well I'm looking for a engagement ring " i said with a wide smile.
" well aren't you a little young for that just saying "
" well yes but i love this girl so much and we are gradation soon and i wanna ask her before i leave to the x factor "
" well then seems like you really love this girl, what kind of ring are you looking sir "
" well I'm looking for ......
all i have been thinking about is depression again, its coming back i was doing so fine without it. all i ever do is sit by the window and watch the rain, i remember i was home alone and i was sitting by my window just watching the rain, a tear slip down my face, i just then started crying for no reason. is this how I'm gonna be when i grow up depress, I'm scared that i will be like this in front of my own kids. i don't want them asking me what's wrong when they don't know what's really wrong. i just need help. what really is the reason I'm depress isn't because i feel like I'm worth living or I'm not beautiful maybe that's the reason maybe I'm feeling that I'm worth it and that threes no reason to live. maybe i'm not good enough for anyone anymore, maybe i just need push people away so they don't know about my problems when they are just gonna tell me you have nothing to be depressed about,. when that hurts the most. they won't understand what I'm going through will they, will they just leave me or kick me as a rock on the ground. will they be there to help me through this pain. if they are really the important in my life would they really be there for me or just watch me shuttered in to pieces. I'm drowning but I'm drowning in blood that's mine. as I'm drowning i see people around me breathing while I'm drowning from my blood. i feel sorry for ever existing to this world. i wonder if i should ever kill everyone around me or just kill myself maybe that help them not worrying about me just kill myself and they will be happy. and forget all about me. would that make them happy. would everyone would be happy without me here. life a full magic ugh what am i talking about life bullshit and drama.
" Serena " someone said blocking me out of my thoughts.
" huh '
" i asked you if your okay " said my mom.
" oh sorry yeah I'm fine just tired that's all mama " i said trying see if she will believe me, but really I'm just tired of being alive.
'' are you sure love, you know you can tell me anything baby " my mom said coming u to me and hugging me and kissing my temple. i smiled at her touch. and look up at her hazel eyes, that's were i get the hazel from when they turn into hazel its mean I'm happy or I'm myself. but if my down or anything my eyes turn to a Brown color.
" yeah I'm sure mama "
okay baby, but I'm serious if you need anything I'm here for you " as she tells me again and kiss my temple and leaves my room. i turn my head around and just sit by my window watching the rain fall. how would my life turn. will harry really be in my future, they always say everyone who is in your life is meant to be a part of that journey, but not all of them are meant to stay. i then get up to go to the bathroom as I'm in the bathroom, i look at the mirror and see
a broken heart and a broken girl...
i then turn on the shower, to maybe relax my body for a bit. i go to my closet to go look for a outfit, as I'm looking something caught my eye because i never seen this outfit in my closet or wear it before. i see a note on it, i grab it and open the note.
thought about you baby girl, hope you like it.
i then laugh, of course my mom would think about me. i then put the outfit on my bed, maybe i should go see harry today. he said he was busy in the morning, nut not in afternoon. i should just drive by and say hi, and hang out for a while. i then jump in the shower and relax my body to shower. as I'm showering. i hear my mom yell my name.
" Rena baby, I'm going to work i will be back in 2 hours. love you " i then open the shower door and yell back.
" okay mama, i might go to Harry's for little bit or stay the night " i say to my mother.
" okay don't do anything stupid "
" okay bye mama " i said to her and close the shower door. i then start washing my hair and body, i wash off the soap, and turn off the water, i grab my towel. i start to dry myself, i start to get dress and then i go in my bathroom again and start doing my hair and makeup. as i finish i check myself in the mirror, i go look for some shoes to wear. then i found what shoes i wanted to wear. my black and white converse. with my outfit. i go downstairs, as I'm about to go i check my self in the mirror by the door as I'm looking at myself i see a note behind me, i turn around look at it. i grab and read.
i knew you would look at yourself in the mirror. your maybe wondering who wrote this note well lets little game to find your love. all you have to do is go to the place we have bump into and the place we love to go to. good love . Hxx
stop by at my mums ....
i then smile at his silliness and how chess he might be at times. i grab my keys to my car. and run to the car. i start the car, and drive off to his mums house, as i get there i run to the door and knock on it. as I'm waiting, the door opens raveling sweet Anna.
" hello my dear, i know why your here. here's your note " she then give me and smiles at me. i smile back at her. i then read the note.
so you went to my moms. well now go to my room and find something that always like me to wear. or should i say you love to wear. Hxx
i then go inside and go upstairs, to find my favorite shirt of Harry's that i love so much. i see a note on it i grab and read it.
so now you find the shirt, now put it on. and drive to zayns place. Hxx
i grab the shirt and put it on me, i then go downstairs to see Anna and gemma putting there coats, they see me coming downstairs.
" well we should get going, well were going with you he wants us to be with you." i then nod my head saying that's okay. we both all head out to my car, i start to the car to zayns house. we made to zayns house. as we got there i got out of the car and knock on zayns door. the open to find a smiling zayn and perrie. i smile wide at them.
" what is he planning " i said trying to see if they would tell me.
" you'll see love " they both said at the same time. they both gave me a note i grab and start to read it.
so you made to zayns, well this is were we had are first dance to together and you run away remember love now go to the school Hxx
i smile what he wrote because it was true me and were dancing together and then i ran away from him because i was so scared to fall in love to quick. then zayn and perrie get in the car, and so did Anna and gemma we all drive to the school, as we got there i see Alexandra, liam, Anna, Louis, and Eleanor all together smiling, i got out of the car and go to them. they give me the note and a rose but it wasn't just any rose it was my favorite rose. a white one.
this is were we met well bump into each other i'll say, now go to the place were i showed i took you on, you'll understand what i mean. Hxx
as i read the note, and grab the rose, i smell it and smile, i then knew were i had to go now, the date. we all went to are cars and drive to the place, as we got there i seen my mother, my sister Nina, and niall, Hannah all together. now I'm starting to wonder why my mother wasn't at work. i then get out of the car, and start walking to them.
" why aren't you at work mum "
" baby i just said that so that, i wasn't gonna miss this surprise baby " i smile at my mother she gave me a note and niall gave me the rose.
you came to the place were we had are first date. now go to the place somewhere i took you that no one knows but you have to be alone love Hxx
i then look up to see everyone all looking at me and smiling at me. i look at them and smile.
" go Hun we all know, don't worry about us." i then run to my car and hurry up to the place were he took me when i was down, i remember it was a field with flowers, it was just beautiful. as I'm driving i made to the field. i get out the car. but i didn't see anything as i start walking. i step on something, i look down and find a note. of course it would be, i picked up and start reading it.
this is the first place we had are first kiss, and now i want this place to be something to remember for both of us love. will you do me the favor and turn around love Hxx
i then turn around to find harry standing there with one rose and he starts walking to me he gave me the rose and kiss my cheek. i then smile, then thing i know is that he got done on one knee and open a box. i cover my mouth and start to cry.
" Serena, you stole my heart for so long, and I'm glad you stole.i love you Serena, i would do anything to be with you and when i say anything i mean it. your the light of my day and if i don't have you there.i feel alone and everything around me is dark. i want to be the one who you cry on, the one to make you happy, the one to love you, the one to be there when you need me, the one you love, the one to bet he father of your child, the one to marry, the one for everything. i love you Serena, i will do anything to make sure your save with me Serena. so what I'm trying to say is Serena Eleanor Torrez will you do the honor to marry me." i start crying so hard, i then nod my hear and start crying again. i just kept nodding my head and words couldn't come out of my mouth, then finally i said something.
" yes, yes. harry i will marry you " i said and he put the ring on me. he grab me and spin me around i start laughing, we both kissed, as we were kissing we heard clapping, we both turn around to find all of friends and family smiling and whistling at us. we both start laughing, they all ran to us and gave us a bear hug. i have the most wonderful
holy shit, i can't believe that just happen, wow I'm so happy right now she said yes, wow she said. holy shit I'm gonna be marrying the girl
of my dream.