chapter 26 ! I'm trying my best to have you guys like this book and read it. hope you love it. HAPPY NEW YEARS !!
Only the dead have seen the end of war. And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened. Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus. i learn to try not to risk my heart but some how it mange to risk on its own time. i try not to think about about stuff when reality bad stuff are happening to me. when will it stop, when will the pain stop. would i be like this forever or just a short period of time. i never knew my heart could get so cold and lonely. my heart has a fear and my mind has so much thoughts running through them. i don't understand why things had to happen in certain ways. you feel like you have to wait for the bad stuff to be over until the good happens. no one knows how i feel or how much i cried everyday, no one really knows the pain i'm feeling. i feel like is anybody aware the shape I'm in like when my hands shake, or when my head spins. sometimes i wonder if i will ever be happy with myself. its like a cycle with insecurity, unconfidence, and diffidence, it's all a cycle and its destroying me. pushing me down hard. people heard my story, heard what i have done, but they don't know what i have gone through as a child. will i never heal. do i wanna be heal. will i never be happy again. i try to ask myself when will i get better, what pushing me down so hard. sitting here and being in pain, letting myself cry for something i don't know that's making me in pain. but all i know is i really want help from someone, someone that can take the pain away, and make feel happy and myself again and mostly heal me right.
ever since me and harry went ice skating i had so much fun that day, oh and he gave me my Christmas present it was the cutest thing ever, i still remember how he gave it to me or i should say fell out of him when we both landed on the ground.
as me and harry let go of each other and started getting up and cleaning are self. i seen a box on the floor i pick it up, harry seen what i was doing but didn't know i had the box in my hand. i started thinking why he has a box. harry then put his head up and look at me with wide eyes because i had the box in my hand. i then give him a look.
" okay your maybe wondering why i had the box, and maybe thinking I'm asking you too marry me " he said getting a little nervous with his words. i then look at him and then look at the box.
" i wasn't thinking that but since you said that, should i be thinking that "
" well no you shouldn't because i won't be asking you to marry me for a while babe, but i might give you a promise ring some day " he said coming closer to me and grab the box out of my hand i then look at him, he smile at me.
" this was suppose to be your Christmas present i was gonna give it to when we got back to the house and i forgot it was in my pocket but since you found it. I'm gonna give it to you now " he then open the gift as he open it, it was a necklace a very cute necklace it was gold and it had the letter H on it. i then look at harry confused.
" let me put the necklace on you and then i will tell you why i gave you the latter H " as he said i grab my hair and move it to the side so he can put on the necklace.
" okay i got the H because i wanted you have something of me, like when your sad, or felling lonely or just moody or anything you'll know I'm right by your side with that necklace " i smiled at what he said i grab his face and kissed him i think he wasn't ready for that, as he knew what i was doing he relax is body.
" thank you, i really love it. i have your gift but its back at home " i said giving him a little pout.
" its okay babe, i'll get it later. " as he said that he put his arm around me and started ice skating.
I'm wearing the necklace right, i feel so special around him, but at the same time im getting scared something gonna happen but i just don't know when or will it happen. i just don't want it to happen I'm just so scared for it to happen. I'm at home just hanging out with the family for new years eve. right now I'm hang out with demi and Ashley who are staying the night at my moms house with me. oh yeah i moved in with my mom but she moved out of the old house we used live in, we live by zayn well across the street.
" so Rena have you and harry done it " said Ashley looking at me with a grin. she would ask me this.
" no we haven't, he said hes willing to wait for me tell I'm ready but i feel like I'm all ready to do it. it just I'm scared how it would feel with him you know, i want it to be special with him. " i said with a smile.
" aw Rena that so sweet, but you also gotta know he can't wait to long "
" i know, I'm just waiting for the right time "
" well that's good, you two are the cutest ever." when Ashley and demi told me i started to blush and giggle at what they said to me.
" aw look she blushing "
" shut up you two " the girls started laughing at me, i then grab a pillow and through it at them. as it hit them they look at me shock with open mouths i then started laughing. then out of no a pillow came at my face. we then all started hitting each other with the pillow and laughing, as we are hitting each other. the stuff from the pillow was scarred all over the place. we look at each other and started laughing at each other and landed on my bed. i miss how i was young and would go to my cousins house and have pillow fights.
" i miss how we used to be guys " i said.
" yes "
" so do i "
" you know what i got a idea why don't have hang outs or sleep overs. but we have make sure its on a Friday and Saturday. we do it until we have kids or as we grow older we can just turn it into a girls night "
" your right Rena we should "
" yeah, starting this day then. " i said smiling, we all started talking but then i heard the door bell ring and my mom calling me.
" Niña se puede obtener la puerta para mí im un poco ocupado " ( baby girl can you get the door fro me im kinda busy ).
" Sí mamá " ( yes mom ) i said to my mom and walking down stairs to get the door, as im opening the door i started mumbling a song. once i open the door i had wide eyes and a wide smile on my face, i then scream.
" what are you doing here harry " i said with a wide smile.
" i came here to see my girlfriend " he said and came and give me a kiss. then my mother came out with a scared face. harry and i look at each other and laugh.
" Niña no te asustan al igual que " ( girl don't scare me like that )
" Lo siento mamá " ( sorry mom ) as my mother left i turn to harry to tell me why hes here.
" i thought you were spending new years eve with your family "
" yeah i was but i was pouting all day and thinking about you and just wanted to hang out with my beautiful girlfirend " he said then my cheeks started to heated up. he then came closer to me before his lips touched mine.
" and to give her a new years kiss " he then kissed me on the cheek and made me blush even deeper. then i heard the girls saying " aw " to us. we turn are heads to find the girls laughing and giggling away.
" come on we have food if your hungry " i said to him and pulling him and sitting him down by the table while i go get him some food. as i get him the food i then decide to heated it up as I'm heating it up i hear my little cousin saying something.
" my name is Jeanette whats your name "
" I'm harry have i met you before "
" no because i just got here yesterday "
" that's cool, are you serena's cousin "
" yeah well I'm her second cousin because my daddy is joey her older cousin. "
" your cute, how old are you "
" I'm 4 " she then put her three fingers up.
" here let me show you " he then help her putting one more finger to show her four fingers. she then started giggling.
" you cute, can i have you " she said with a wide smile. he then chuckled at her, i started laughing at what she said. as the food got done heating up i grab the pate to take to the table. and seen harry holding Jeanette, she had her small fingers around his big thumb, her head laying down on his chest. i smiled at how cute they were. then out of no my eyes started to get barely so i put the food on the counter and went into kitchen were no body else wasn't in here. i started to see things. then out of where everything went back but then back in a flask. i then started looking around but as i was looking around it look like i was in a different place. i started walking i then found harry with a little girl how Jeanette was with him. having her little fingers around his thumb and her head laying on his chest. i then seen myself coming out of the kitchen. smiling.
" nena, let daddy eat his food. come on lets put you to sleep. " i started walking upstairs wit the little girl as i got there i seen a little boy sleeping. in a bed. i put the little girl down and kissed her forehead she started snuggling into her pillow and gave her a teddy bear to hug.
" good night baby "
i then walk downstairs, to see harry already finished with his food i then pick it up and went into the kitchen to wash the pate as i got to the kitchen i started washing i seen harry put his arms around me and started kissing me. he then said something that made look surprised.
" lets have another baby " he said while kissing my neck. i then turn around to look at him.
" other baby, i thought you wanted only two "
" i know i said that but watching them grow up, wants me to have other baby Rena. sooner or later they will be out the house. "
" harry they are only 1, if we do plan are having a baby who's gonna help me while your gone on tour or what if you have to go on tour and i end up having the baby "
" rena we have a 1 year break. we have all the time to do whatever till i have to leave for tour " he said. i then started thinking. i could hear my mind saying things what i want.
do i want a other baby, harry is right sooner or later they will be out of the house, just watching them grow up does make me want to have a other baby. but if I'm having otter baby it would be with harry.
" you know what fuck it lets have other baby " i said with a smile i then smiled at him he started kissing me.
" lets start now '' he then pick me up and started walking to the room. i started laughing because of his silliness. then out of no everything went black and but in a flask i was back where i was in my house as i look around i seen harry and Jeanette still in the same place, i then smiled at what i saw. i grab the pate and brought it to harry.
" here let me take her she maybe sleepy. " as i said that i was sure right because Jeanette fell asleep on harry. i then took her up to my moms room to take her nap. i then came back and seen harry eating away.
" is it good handsome " i said with a laugh.
" its so good, who made this "
" my mom "
" well tell your mom she makes some good food " he got finished he smile at me i then started laughing me because he had sauce in the corner of his lips, i then told him to come here as he did i then put my thumb out and wipe of the sauce over his lips. i then kiss him i felt him smile through the kiss.
" i can't wait to give you that new years kiss " he said then kiss me on the cheek.
its 11:35 and everyone getting ready to do the count down and as for me I'm just finishing up cleaning for my mom and putting stuff away. harry left with my cousin joey to go get some beer for the family. my uncle looks like hes having trouble find the channel to put on for the countdown.
" tío Dame el mando a distancia " ( uncle give me the remote ). he then gave me the remote, i put the channel on ABC channel 10. everyone started laughing because he said that it was on channel 3. everyone went back to what they were doing. i went to my moms room to check on Jeanette. she perfectly sound asleep with alee. oh yeah alee ended up falling asleep on harry. her and Jeanette are in love with harry. i went downstairs to see what time it is.
only 11 minutes till its new years. i then head the door opening and closing.
" were back with the drinks. i seen harry helping joey with the drinks and putting them on the table. i told them to take it to the kitchen so that i can open the drinks to poor them in the cups for everyone. as the boys put the drinks in the kitchen the girls and came and help poor the drinks in the cups.
" hurry up " i heard my cousin joey said.
" were trying " said demi. as we poor the drinks we started passing the drinks to everyone. i then check the time.
11:56pm only 4 minutes left.
everyone started getting ready and getting into there place. i ran into the kitchen to get my drink as i got it. it was already.
11:59pm. 1 minute left. we all started doing doing the countdown
10 the year i will be with harry.
9 the year i get to start fresh again.
8 the year i will be happy again.
7 the year i will finally be me.
6 the year were all my problem will be gone.
5 the year were i get to live life again.
4 the year i get to enjoy.
3 the year I'm living.
2 the year with full of love.
1 the year were i have a rel smile.
" HAPPY NEW YEARS ! " then everything went slow motions, it was just me and harry. we then kiss each other. it felt like we were the only two here on earth. it felt like fireworks were behind us. as we let of each other everything went back to normal. harry came behind me and whisper into my ear.
" happy new years babe " i then smiled because this is the year were I'm gonna finally be happy, i just hope.