I lay on the sofa, nails scratching the fabric, as Alfie walked towards me and started to climb in the blankets with me. I burrowed my head into his chest. Sure, he didn't know that I was 15 days late. The number 15 was just running around my mind, determined not to get out. I knew it off by heart, and I also knew that it was going to be 16 tomorrow, and then 17 the next day. I just knew. I didn't know how to tell him. Maybe I didn't even need to tell him. Maybe I'm not- god I can't even pluck up the courage to say the word.
But I'm probably not.
All of a sudden Alfie started to talk-
"Zoe we need to plan our videos, remember?" He said in his gentle and familiar voice.
I just mumbled back, "later," and put my head further into his chest. I thought that if I did this the number 15 would magically disappear. But no, it was still the one and only thing pondering my mind. "I'm comfortable"
"Okay," he said, once again calming me down ever so slightly.
He tightened his arms around my body and we lay still for a little while, moving up and down as we breathed.
The time dragged as we slowly put sticky note after sticky note on our note pads.
My sticky notes were pink, Alfie's were yellow. Alfie got up, rubbing my leg as he did so, and ventured into the kitchen. He called out to me asking what coffee I wanted, insistent that I have one because I was sleepy. I called back asking for the gingerbread one, especially as it was close to Christmas.
Whilst he was preparing the coffee, the number 15 kept twirling round and round in my mind. I mean, we had sex about a month ago. But we used protection? I know we used a condom because Alfie still has the half used pack in his dewar next to his bed. We definitely used protection, that's for sure. Maybe- maybe the condom broke? But we bought good quality ones?!
Getting carried away with this, I slowly drifted off again. All of a sudden I hear a clank of mugs being out on the table, and Alfie's warm hand shaking my body making me jump. I instinctually jumped up and threw a pillow at him, making him laugh at me. He got the coffees once again and walked over to the coffee table, placing them down whilst wearily looking at me.
After drinking my coffee, and doing a little bit more planning I drifted off again. I felt Alfie carry me upstairs and tuck me in all nice and snug. I loved when he did this, it made me feel so special and loved. But while these positive thoughts were wondering around the 15 still lingered.
I started to think about how obvious it was that I was most likely- okay I still can't say the P word. But still, I'm 15 days late and my period has been regular for the past three years. I know I haven't exactly had morning sickness or anything but I have wanted a lot of chocolate recently. Craving? Or maybe just normal. Gosh I'm not even sure anymore. I have no idea how to talk to Alfie about this. I have no sisters, my mum is away. Maybe I should just be brave and take a test- even though they seem so scary. I'm only 24! I know that's not all bad but I don't really wanna waste the time I still have being relatively young. All my YouTube events and-and, me and Alfie aren't even married! Not even engaged!
That's it, I need to take a test. I'll have to go out tomorrow then. Boots? Yeah boots, but it'll have to be a good quality because I really don't want to be going and getting anymore. Maybe I'll get two just incase. I don't think I should tell Alfie yet though.
I drifted off eventually, with the number 15 and the P word lingering around my head causing me to toss and turn.