1. Reckless 1
another evening, outside was dark and cold. my parent's were other side of house far away from each others avoiding each others. sometimes i wondered why they were still married if they couldn't even stand each others. i wanted so badly to go outside and smoke. feel the poison coming out from my lungs and making me realize that i was dying slowly that i didn't need to be in this world for long even that my life wasn't even started. i was only 17 years old. i didn't even know what word life even meant, but i didn't want to find out.i wasn't living happy life. i was so close to get back to the dark side, i had managed to pull my self up from the world of cigarettes and alcohol and i felt that side of me whispering me to give up and be the sidekick again.once i had got pulled there it was going to be long way back. but i didn't want to be the old me. i didn't have the control. when i smoked i did. even if that was only bullshit that smoking really didn't work in anything i couldn't care. i wanted to be happy again. of course i had those times when i was in good mood but it only lasted like few hours and then i was this depressed person again.i need help, i really do.
I smiled like winner when i found single cigarette from my pocket as i left the house.it was only depressing me. the time was god know's how much but my parent's really didn't care where i went. i sat at street i looked my phone. 11.40 pm well. i light up the cigarette and felt how the poison went inside my lungs. i heard footsteps. someone was walking towards me. who the hell walked this time of day. he was muscular and as he was few foots away from me i saw familiar face. it was Jared Grover. "Amber?" he's manly and raspy voice said. "Jared." i said biting my lip and shaking my head little and smiling awkwardly.i wasn't in to mood to see this boy right now. he sat next to me and i could hear him taking deep breath like he was ashamed of me."smoking?really?" he asked. let me tell you something about Jared. he was like my opposite. lived in happy family.had money. he was good at any sports. he was professional. and school? well he was the best of my class and best of the hole Grade. this guy was nice and never used the words like "shit or fuck." even "Damn." was too much to him,i think. he was like ten levels higher from me. i bet he haven't ever even tasted cigarette or alcohol.i didn't answer to him. "i don't get it why you guys smoke." he said looking me. "for fun. like whats the sense?" he asked. "well i don't know Jared, why teenagers smoke? you think i breath poison for fun? because it feels nice? please. i'm stupid i know that this kills me slow. maybe point. never though that? maybe some people smoke for dying. well my reason is that i rather die that live my teenager years shitty like i had lived for 17 years." i said. deep shit i know. he just looked me i saw his look soften. but i didn't want his pity i wanted him to know that i wasn't going to listen what he had to say about my smoking. it was my life. "why so negative?" he said. i just let sarcastic laugh. "like when i am not?" i asked. "life isn't that bad." he said. "of course it isn't." i said with sarcasm pouring from my tone. "what are you even doing here? don't you live like other side of town." i asked. "well we moved here few weeks ago, i just came from my training." he said. "what about you?" he asked. "just needed fresh air. well actually felt need for cigarette." i said. he nod. "i better get going." i said. "yeah." he said standing up after me. "see you at school.Amber." he said smile on his face. "What ever Jared." i snapped and walked towards my house as he walked at other direction. people like him and people like me didn't like each other. it was like he was some poodle and i was wolf. but thing about Jared. he wasn't never mean to me, never even looked me with bad eye even if i would have behave like total fool to him and be mad and depressed and say to him like "fuck off." and be rude. he would just sigh and leave me alone. or just look me with that stupid softness in his green eyes. Jared was really good looking guy. i could picture him at older running some really good earning company and live really luxury life and be the guy at magazines and every woman would trow them self's to him. like they would do right now. he was already sixteen and many girls at our schools were after him. flirting blindly to him and try to be sexy but they never got anything from him. he was just polite and didn't flirt back. not even laugh. just smile politely. not that breath taking smile what he would give when he laugh with his friends. he wasn't fighter or aggressive. he didn't need to be.
i walked down the schools. hall listening fall out boy as i got closer to class. i spotted Jared talking with his gang and he flashed me a smile and i just rolled my eyes.i sat at my seat and our History teacher Mr. George walked in. "morning class today you will know your pair at our next project." he said. i mentally cursed in my mind. who will it be this time. he said almost half of the students name still not telling who would be my pair in this boring project. "Jade you will be with Jared." he said. i groaned. did god hate me or something? i turned around and Jared gave me smug smile.at lunch break i walked alone at the canteen 'cause my best friend was sick at home and left me alone with these idiots. i felt someone sitting opposite to me. i saw Jared. "you mind me sitting here?" he asked. "i don't table anyway." i said. "so about our project- he started but cot cut by Emma's voice. "Why are you sitting with her?" she asked rudely. "why wouldn't i?" he asked. "you know she isn't part our group." she said. "are you in our group or what?" he asked with rudeness in his tone. since when did he know how to speak with ice cold voice. "hey man." Dan said as he sat next to me. "howdy." he said to me. this kid was weird but okay. "hey." i said. "so watch up guys? why did Emma look like she had melon in her ass?" Simon asked as he sat next to Jared."Jared blew her off." i said.Jared rolled his eyes to me with small smile. "how?" Dan asked curiously. "it's nothing." Jared said. "tell me." Dan whined like little kid. "Amber just asked why he sat with me that i'm not part of your group." i said. "so i asked her 'is she in our group or what?" Jared said. "cool dude." Dan smirked. "i never like her anyway." Simon said taking bite of his food.slowly i became part of their group i don't know what happened.
"it was really good movie." Jared said with smile on his face. "yeah." i said with laugh. we just got out from cinema we went movie together. well yeah. did it really sound so weird? yeah it did. "the part where the boss started to laugh about him calling his grandmother camcam." Jared said and i started to laugh. we watched "Horrible bosses." and it was funny though.he looked me a while and said. "that smile really suits you." he said. "what?" i asked. "like when you smile,real smile not that fake one what you smile at school. i hit his hand playfully. "hey! way to ruin moment, asshole." i smirked and he just rolled his eyes to me smiling. "but, yeah i had fun,thanks." i said as it was time to our way to separate. "me too." he smiled. i could see in his eyes that he wanted to do something or like he had more to say but what ever it was, i didn't want to know.
i found my self staring the ceiling. weird feeling in my stomach. Amber Green. Woah, i though. she smokes,drinks,do parties,wears ripped jeans and shirts what has 'Fuck you' text on it and doesn't give damn about school or others. she has this amazing personality hiding in the mask what she is wearing. Amber Green totally wasn't the girl i never though i would like. yeah right there you read it. LIKE. lets cut the bullshit. the way she walks and rolls her eyes at me when i try to smile to her and how she fights back her smile when i actually say something funny and when she really smiles her real smile what takes my breath away. i'm just goner. there's no way back. me in the other hand are looser compared to her. i hate that she is smoking and its heartbreaking when she said the smoke to die. can you imagine what it sounds like when the person who's living and presence makes your heart beat faster and your stomach is doing back flips says she doesn't like living. well hinting that she wants do die.it gave me so many emotions that i though i would explode and lose it right there. but these past weeks has been best. good. actually the moments of my life's i have been waiting. spend time with someone who gives you that feeling.she makes me feel alive.