The week have just started and I am already felling bad...I am so discouraged.
The weekend was nice, I had a good time at the mall with my friends but I don’t know how to explain this but there is much going on in my life…I needed to talk about this with someone but there isn’t a person I could talk to. My new friends are really nice but I don’t feel comfortable enough to open up with them, specially knowing that Lottie’s is Louis’ sister. I have Tracy but she is so busy talking to her new bffs that she stop caring about me, and there is Mike, Julie, Carly, Ellie and Jane but they are always next to me when Louis make his jokes and they also laugh about me…I would never open up with them…
It is Wednesday. We are in drama class trying to rehearsal, Louis came in my direction…oh no…not today…
“Why are so rude to me?”
“I was not rude to you”
“Yes you were…but I like this…I like the tough one”
I heard his friends laughing. He is getting more and more closer
“Can you please back of”
“Why? Don’t be so unsocial, c’mon let’s have some fun..”
“That’s it! Louis you need to back of. Now! We have to rehearsal and all you do is making jokes and disturb the rehearsal!” I scream
“You don’t need to scream to me like that! You are so rude with everybody! You think you are better than everyone else! You don’t have patience with anyone that’s why you are going to be lonely forever!” he says
I don’t say anything. Those words hurted me. A lot. But I’m not going to let him, and everybody, know that, so I just keep the rehearsal like nothing had happen.
In the Launch time all I want to do was talk to someone, a friend, someone who say to me that I’m not going to be lonely forever but to my surprise, when I got out of the classroom, Tracy isn’t waiting for me outside. I try to find her in classroom and next to her looker but she wasn’t there…
I walk around looking for her in the bathroom ,in the corridor, …but nothing .I call her but she don’t answer it. There I am. Alone in the school.
I decide to go to refectory and grab my lunch. It was then I remember she might be outside in the PATIO.
I go outside and there she is, sitting in a table with her friends ,talking and laughing.
“Hey” I say sitting at the table
“Hey” she says
“I was looking for you…”
“Oh sorry I totally forgot you”
She says so naturally, like it was normal to ‘total forget’ your best friend. I thought I would spend my launch alone and she didn’t care..she was so busy talking to her new bffs that she forgot about me….
After a frustrating launch and boring class, the class finally end. I go straight to ballet.
I’ve always loved dancing. It is the time where I just forget about everything happening in my life and I just focus on the dance, it is so relaxing…
The good think is ballet can make me feel better after a terrible day.
During the class my leg starts hurting, I realize I don’t know how to do a double pirouette, and I feel really lonely because during a exercise in pair I am the one left alone.
All this is hurting me, a lot but I won’t let it show. I push my sadness back.
I get home existed. There is too much going on. Louis’ words echoing in my mind, Tracy forgetting about me, the girl me letting me alone in ballet…I just can’t hold all this anymore. I enter the bathroom and lock the door. I sit on the floor and cried.
I cried so much because I was so tired of all. I didn’t want that anymore. Every word that Louis said hurted me a lot. Maybe he is right. Maybe I’m rude to everyone and that’s why nobody chose me to be their pair. Maybe Tracy got tired of me. She realized her new friends are better than me. I am just a joke. Everybody just laugh about me. Nobody cares about me. I am lonely. Louis is right….
That’s all his fault. Why he had to this with me?!Have I done anything to hurt him? Do I deserve this?
Tears fallen more and more. I feel my cellphone ring, it’s still in my pocket. I look and it is a message…from a number I don’t know.I read it and I just can’t believe…the message is:
How did he get my number?