I'm on Facebook, considering whether to message Johanna or not to make up with her when I see something that makes the decision for me. There's an update saying that Alex is in a relationship with this girl in their whole group of friends. I feel sick. I know we said we were moving on from sleeping together and kind of acting like it never happened, but it did mean something and we never really agreed to forget it. It meant something.
I tell Dad I'm taking the car and drive straight over to Alex's house. I kind of hate driving but I'm so mad right now, I have to talk to him. When he opens the door to me, he's smiling. There's a hint of smugness to it but I'm not sure if I'm imagining that.
"We need to talk." I say, crossing my arms.
He keeps smiling, stepping aside. "Come on in."
I don't know why I feel like I can't yell at him right here and now but I don't so I just storm upstairs into the music studio. I can tell he knows I'm mad with him because he shuts the door behind him but I don't know why he looks so pleased with himself.
"What would you like to talk about Kaya?" he asks.
"You having a girlfriend?" I suggest.
"I don't see the problem with me having a girlfriend." he shrugs.
I frown. "Try the fact that we had sex literally two days ago."
He rolls his eyes. "Kaya, seriously we said we were going to-"
"Don't you dare say we were going to forget it." I say, my voice shaking. "Don't play that card right now, Alex, that's not fair."
"Well I don't know what you expect!" he laughs, staring at me like I'm crazy. "Did you think we were going to get together and live happily ever after or something?"
"No!" I protest, tears in my eyes now. "But we didn't sleep together for no reason okay, we did it because we like each other."
"Kaya, you're thinking way too far into this!" he says, making me feel stupid. "It was just an impulsive thing we did because we were tired and we'd been spending a lot of time together and we were opening up to each other."
"Yeah, we were opening up to each other and you were telling me that you liked me." I say, whispering so that my voice won't shake so much.
He sighs heavily. "Kaya, I didn't really mean that."
"So you lied to me so I would sleep with you." I say, staring over his shoulder.
"Maybe it's not quite like that." he says, quietly. "But kind of, yeah."
I laugh, bitterly. "You're unbelievable. You lied to me to sleep with me and two days later you get a new girlfriend."
He shrugs. "Yeah."
I can't stand this. I can't stand to listen to him, I can't stand to hear the truth behind who I always thought was one of the best people in the world. There's something so unbearable about things not being how you thought they were. I push past him and drive straight to Johanna's. I just sit in my car in her driveway for a while, crying. I really hate to admit that I was wrong but at the end of the day, she is my friend and I need to go to her when I'm hurt.
I manage to get through a little conversation and greeting with her mom and sister without them knowing anything's wrong but when I leave them and open Johanna's bedroom door, I just start crying all over again. She looks alarmed as she looks up but it's as if she understands everything within a second and she sighs, coming over and hugging me.
"You were right." I sob.
"Shhh." she hugs me tight before sitting me down on her bed. "What happened?"
I explain everything and she looks sympathetic at first and then by the time I've finished explaining, she starts to look really pissed off.
"That son of a bitch." she says, shaking her head. "What a fucking loser."
I laugh a little but I'm still crying so it just comes out as a sob. "I know."
"Okay, you've cried, I've been sympathetic, you need to stop now." a slow grin appears on her face. "You know the drill."
Boys have let me down a few times before, especially in high school. There was Lewis Hoth in 7th grade who forgot to take me to the dance. Then there was James Long in 10th grade who was just a dick. Then there was Michael Jason who cheated on me in Junior year. Every time it happened, I'd come over to Johanna's and we'd bitch about the boy for hours and it'd always make me feel better. But it's never been as bad as this, it's never been as serious as this and I know Johanna has something up her sleeve.
"No offence, but I've been waiting for a really bad heartbreak." she says and I can see the plan whirring around her head. "This isn't just a Lewis Hoth incident. It's even worse than the Michael Jason incident. This can't just be healed by a simple bitch session."
"No it cannot." I agree.
"We need revenge." she said, a spark in her eyes. "We need a plan of action."
"I couldn't agree more."
"Okay, so this one's going to get you really down. First step is to not dwell on it. You heard me, we cried and got all sad about it already, now you block that. You just feel angry about it now, okay?"
"And we need to get revenge. I say we start of small and then end it all with a big bombshell. I haven't figured out the plans yet but we'll do them as they come to me." she says, nodding slowly.
"Good idea." I nod as well.
"Okay, first, tomorrow if we see him with his girlfriend at school, we walk past him and you accidentally spill your drink on him, I'll drop my food on him and Carrie and Alice walk past and knock him over. Deal?"
I stare at her. "That's the small revenge?"
She grins. "Yes. This is going to be amazing."
I'm wondering now how I ever felt mad at her to begin with.