The next lunch time in the cafeteria, I am angry and I am ready to start getting revenge. Until I see Alex with his girlfriend. I know who she is, her name is Sarah and she's always been like the main girl of that friendship group so I guess it makes sense because he's always been the main guy. I think I may have underestimated how much this would actually hurt. I can't erase the fact that we slept together and I can't erase what that means and I can't erase how it felt to love him like that. Maybe it wasn't actual love but I know that I've never felt more open or closer to anybody and to see him there with another girl, like it never even mattered, it hurts.
I think Johanna notices me watching them because she nudges me. "Don't be sad about this."
I go to say I'm not sad but I feel a tear drop onto my cheek.
"Don't let him get you so upset." she says, sounding kind of irritated.
"I don't think you really understand how it feels." I say calmly, not in a way that I want to start an argument, just explaining and she accepts that.
"We should do it now." Alice says, sounding excited.
"I don't think I can." I say, wiping my eyes and not looking at them. I felt angry and ready to have fun getting back at him a minute before I saw him and Sarah together but now I'm just sad and not in the mood. And then Alex glances over in my direction and he can't hide the smug little smile on his face as he sees how I react to him and Sarah and all of a sudden I am angry and I'm ready to do this. I stop crying and turn to my friends. "Give me a drink."
And it is smooth as hell which is strange considering combined, we are all the most awkward human beings on the planet. But Johanna is a genius and it's amazing. She walks straight into him, getting chocolate cake all over his shirt. I then rush over all 'Johanna oh my gosh!' and I 'slip' and spill my drink down his shirt too. Then Alice and Carrie walk over arm in arm and walk straight into him, knocking him forward. He doesn't fall but it's enough to really irritate him as all four of us walk away laughing.
"Careful, your stomach is showing through that shirt and everybody can see you don't work out quite as much as you claim!" Johanna calls back to him.
"Yeah well your dick is showing Johanna!" he yells.
"Suck it!" she shouts and we all laugh, going straight to class. I remind myself to never fall out with Johanna again because she is literally a genius.